Chance of a Lifetime
by blackanubis9
Summary: For those Wolverine lovers who wish they could have him for real, this is your story. OC loves Wolvie, but life gets in the way, as does Jubilee. No Jubes bashing, I promise. Warning: Character death. Mature for graphic abuse and sexual themes.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: They're not mine; I only have words to give. I'm just taking these wonderful characters and playing with them, wishing they were real.

Prologue

It's funny how a lot of things in life turn out the opposite of what you expect. Like your career or the person you end up falling in love with, or the color of your hair ten years from now. These, however, are relatively small matters in life. For some people.

I think I had just a few weeks before I would turn 18 when Logan fell into my life. Literally, unfortunately. I lived in what I now know was a world parallel to his, one where mutants and heroes were the stuff of comic books. And some of my favorite movies. And cartoons. It was a sad and inadequate way to cope with my daily stresses of life, but it was all I had. My parents had died in a car accident when I was 13, a horrible age to lose the only family I had, but that was not the worst of it, as I learned very quickly. See, my parents, God bless their souls, in their misguided attempt to ensure I would be well provided for, had willed my custody to a couple who were long time family friends. My parent's friends. I did not really know them, as their friendship had begun in the business world and most of their association continued to be over dinners spent discussing whatever kind of business it was they were in. I was not yet old enough to be curious about what my parents did when they died, and after that my custodians no longer had to work in exchange for providing me with house and home.

I got ripped.

Sure, I had a place to sleep and food and clothes, but my home shattered when my parents' car did.

The Custory's had no children for a reason: they did not like them. Imagine their surprise when they learned not only that their friends were dead, but on top of that they had a life-changing decision to make, and not the kind you can take a few months to decide, either. The Custorys had the choice to take custody of a child they hardly knew and live a fairly elegant lifestyle, the one I had been brought up in, or pass it up and let the child be fought over by anyone else willing to do so. It would be unfair to hold their choice against them, as I would probably do the same, but there is no excuse in the world that can justify they way they treated me for the next five years.

No fucking reason on God's green fucking earth.

We moved to a new house, as they were advised by my psychologist, but into a larger home. True, they got a pretty good deal, as they told their friends gloatingly every chance they got, but 6 bedrooms was not necessary for three people. At first, I was so out of it I could have cared less what kind of house I lived in, but as the years stretched on and I turned 16, I realized that my whole life had been changed by the people I had for some time referred to as "the wardens". After six months of intensive therapy, it suddenly became too expensive and too much a burden on the family budget, and I lost the only person who had truly listened to the confusing mess of feelings that had taken the place of my parents in my heart. All of the very few attempts I made to talk to my wardens about my feelings were met with ridicule and some pretty choice colored words. The kids at school were too young to give me the peace of mind that I was searching for, and everyone knows how overworked guidance counselors are. They tried their best, but I had needed some dedicated therapy that they were just unqualified to give. So, as the teenage years hit me and my hormones kicked in with a freakin' vengeance, apparently I was too unstable at home and within 10 months of moving into our new house I moved again. To the basement, the unfinished basement. Surrounded by concrete walls, the grey color of depression itself, I learned that I was alone in the world. When I changed into womanhood, I learned everything I needed from TV and books. The more time I spent hiding from the wardens in my basement, the more they seemed to resent the small amount of time I spent in the house, the entire rest of the house. Slowly my freedoms were restricted, or revised, or exceptioned until I felt like a squatter. The fact that all the money they spent on their cars and Armani suits and God knows what was actually my money made no impact on their consciousness'. Apparantly the inconvenience of my existence in their lives was very expensive. Reality, and the bleeding spot in my heart, was just too hard to face when I went home from school every day to a place that felt as cold as a funeral home. So, I escaped. Any way I could. I read, I watched TV, I did my best to make sure every second of every day was filled with as much fantasy as it took to keep from having to deal with the total sense of entrappment I felt inside my own life.

They did not hit me until I was 17.

Silly me, I thought asking for money for my graduation gowns was pretty reasonable, as I had never been given an allowance. I could not have a job, as they would not buy a car, and the bus routes did not run through the affluent area we lived in. So, as much as I had dreaded the confrontation, if I wanted to receive my diploma with everyone else, I needed my gown. I had expected words, shouting, perhaps a few mild threats before they had time to think and realize my diploma was one step closer to getting me out of their lives. I never expected to end up on the expensive, solid mahogany wood floor, the left side of my face burning. I was so shocked I did not move, probably looking a little moronic, but I had never known violence on a personal level before. If only I had gotten off the floor.

The last thing I remember was being yanked off the floor and dragged to the basement door, the words hissed in my ear not reaching my racing brain. When I woke up I was on the basement floor in front of the stairs, every part of my body was screaming in pain.

I missed the next few days of school.

My life may very well have ended before I turned 18 if not for Logan. That and being very unlucky in life.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: They're not mine; I only have words to give. I'm just taking these wonderful characters and playing with them, wishing they were real.

It was like so many other nights, what with me nursing bruises severe enough that I should have been taken to a hospital. But hospitals meant social workers, and my wardens were not going to risk their meal ticket being taken away from them, so they used what they called "my allowance" on medical supplies and a first aid book. So I had my TV going with my favorite movie as I sat on the bed and stitched up my thigh, using the movie to cover the sound of my screaming. That and a sock in my mouth. Did not want him coming down after me again because I had made too much noise; when he came into the basement it got scary. So I was taking a deep breath before I pushed the needle back into my torn skin when the TV went all staticky. There was a bright light on the ceiling of my dungeon, right above my bed, and as I had learned to trust my survival instincts above all, I used my good leg to scoot off the bed and into a corner of the room. The grey concrete seemed to swirl like a whirlpool , slowly at first but gaining speed quickly until a hole of light opened in the center and widened. A loud crack of thunder boomed through my tiny little room and made me flinch away from the sight. And then there was complete silence. No static from my TV, no humming from the little ceramic heater my wardens had bought at a garage sale to heat my room in the winter, nothing. So I opened my eyes to the sight of a complete stranger standing on my bed, looking around at my room with more confusion than I thought a face could possible express. As I was in the corner behind him to the right, he had not caught sight of me yet. He was a kinda short guy, with worn jeans that fit Way too tight, and a ridiculous woodsman kinda flannel. So seventies kinda flannel. Now, I had no idea what the fuck was going on, but I knew I was in no position to defend myself from anyone, especially someone who looked like they invented the sport of professional body building. So I tried to scoot on my butt as quietly as possible for the stairs, not worrying about how I would get up the stairs, just wanting to get away from the room I had never realized was so very small. Yet the second I shifted my weight his head snapped around to take in my picture, and god, what a helpless picture I must´ve been. I was still holding the needle in one hand, bleeding onto the floor, and my face was probably paler than it felt. The whole thing just felt so surreal, like I was suddenly in one of the movies I had spent so many nights dreaming I would be sucked into to. The real thing was a whole lot scarier; he moved so fast I couldn't even register it before he had me by the neck and actually lifted me above his head and against the wall. I think he was a little disoriented because he saw the needle in my hand and he actually growled at me! Like animal growly. He apparently did not notice the blood on it or the fact that it was attatched to the open wound on my leg, because he yanked the needle from my hand and stared at my eyes like all the answers to the universe could be found there. When my eyes did not talk back, the growling returned in force. That was when he started to choke me, and with so much of my blood already gone and on the floor, I did not last long. The last thing I really remember is thinking that choking was a very painful way to die.

Before I started my life with Logan, time had very little meaning to me. After waking up with no idea how much time had passed at least twice a month, you learn not to put too much importance on the time taken from you. Time as a concept ebbs away into unconsciousness. If you never take the time to consider the past, any of it, ten minutes ago never really exists, and neither does time. Time will show you what was taken away, how less and less of a human you are becomming every day, and the fact that soon- was almost very soon for me- you will be nothing. All of which can make the reasons behind survival and living a little murky, and murky can kill the spirit; why else is teenage-hood so overwhelmingly traumatic? Having said that, you will understand the reasons why I do not necessarily open my eyes when I first wake up. At least, when I wake up from a non-sleeping situation. The darkness is different, somehow, so that I can tell if it is merely morning and time to begin another day of existence, or time to assess my injuries. Assessing injuries can be done without visuals, and sometimes it is nice to know you are hurt in a specific area without having to see the gross seepage of stuff.

When I had done my inspection of what hurt and how bad and in what way, I finally opened my eyes, preparing to do the unsavory job of medic. What I did not expect was to be lying on my bed, covered by my blanket. I had never once awakened from the bad kind of sleep in bed and under the covers. On the floor somewhere, cold and shaking, yes. So my eyes wandered to see if I could find any clue how I had accomplished this feat, and balancing on his toes on the end of my bed, squatted down and regarding me neutrally, was a man. On second thought, a man that closely regarded the one I had seen in that way bad halucination, the man that was the last thing I remember. Normally, when I am in better health, the mirrors to my soul are kept pretty cloudy, as I do not feel anyone deserves to know how I feel or what I am thinking. However, I did not want this beast of a man to start choking me again, so my eyes told him exactly how I was feeling. Confused, scared, and in pain. I think that last one was what really convinced him that I was no threat, and even though he did not move, the air around him seemed to relax just a little. Deciding that I was definitely still halucinating if I was judging his mood by the "air", I tried to wake myself up, hoping to talk myself out of my sleep.

"C'mon, just wake up, you know you're not in bed, you're on the floor and not in a room with Logan, so wake up so you can-"

"How do you know my name?" His voice was deep and sounded like gravel, but talking to him was not going to wake me up, so I ignored him.

"Just ignore him, he's not really there, now wake up!"

"Darlin', you can ignore me all you want, but I'm still here. Wherever that is. And you still haven't answered my question." Little bit of a threat there, but he sounded more amused than anything. Meanwhile, I still needed to finish stitching my leg. So I swung my legs out from under the cover to see that it was stitched way better than I was capable of; the nasty scars I had all over my body proved it. I must've looked very astonished, because he chuckled very quietly, a sound that I felt more than heard. I looked to him for answers, and also with a little fear. If my leg was stitched that well, and I Know my prisoners would not have taken me to the hospital, then he had done it. Which meant I was not halucinating. But I had to be halucinating, because someone from your comic books does not just drop into reality. Only one movie had that plot, that I know of, and it didn't do very well.

"Couldn't have you bleeding to death. Besides, I did a much better job than all those others you have. You did those yourself, didn't you?" I nodded numbly, my mouth hanging open.

"So, you're actually real?!"

"_I_ think so. Kinda weird question, dontcha think? And you still haven't told me where we are." I ignored that last part, trying to figure out how it could possibly be real.

"But, you're Wolverine! You can't be real!" I hopped off the bed on one foot and toward my bookcase, pawing through my stacks of comics to show him one with him on the cover. He took it with a cautious look in his eyes, which widened when they saw what I had given him. He thumbed through the issue, his eyes incredulous as he flipped faster until he threw to the side, looking at me with that look that made me back up until I hit the wall.

"Where did this come from? Why am I in it? How do you know these things?" I have to give him credit, he did not choke me that time.

"I get those comics once a month. They're stories; they're not real. That's why I thought you were just a halucination. I get them sometimes, when this happens." I gestured carelessly at my leg, and admitted to myself that none of my halucinations had ever been this real, or about anything other than my parents. Either I was drugged, or this was really happening.

"Why would they want me here? Are you going to tell me where here is, because I'm gettin' tired o' askin', Kid." There was the temper I had read so much about. If he really was Logan, I knew better than to keep ignoring him.

"My home, well, my room. In Cleveland. Cleveland, Ohio. So you really are Logan? Really?"

"Yeah, I'm him and stop starin' at me like some circus freak. How'd I get--oh."

"What 'oh'? How'd you get here?" My good leg was getting very tired, but I did not want to give him any more reasons to choke me. I still didn't really know where I stood with him, so I hopped to try and get away from the wall so I could lean against it. He looked up from whatever he was thinking about and remembered that I was there.

"You should get back in bed, you're tore pretty bad." He offered an arm and I tried to make it back without help, but I was hungry and confused, and very tired. My leg almost gave out, but I righted myself and then gasped as he scooped me up like I was a child. Now, I'm in good shape, what with having to fix myself all the time (more of my allowance spent on physical therapy books), and being full grown, I'm no light weight. But he was holding me like it was nothing, and damn, if those comic books never mentioned how good he smelled! Like camp fires and liquor. He eased me down on the bed and propped a pillow under my leg, pulling a chair from my desk over to the side of the bed.

"You get some sleep, and when you wake up, we'll talk about our situation, darlin'." I wanted nothing more than to ask him a million questions, and I really did not want to go to sleep and have to wake up to reality, my reality without him, but there it was. If he was still there when I woke up, then it was real. Really real. So I simply nodded and let my body get the rest it wanted so much .

For the first time in a very long time, I can distinctly remember wanting to wake up. In the murkiness between conscious thought and primal knowledge was the feeling I had a reason to wake up, something to look forward to. My eyes seemed to pop open on their own, my mind instantly awake. It reminded me of the years when there had been Christmases in my life, waking up knowing I had presents and a whole day of joy ahead of me. This time I was waking up to the possibility of hope, something I had pretty much relegated to the status of fairy tales. If fairy tales were real, I would have been rescued by then, and the appearance of this man made a tiny broken part of my heart hope. So you can imagine the disappointment I felt on looking around my room and not seeing my savior hopeful. My eyes had closed against the pain, the acceptance that yet another ray of hope, the last one, had been another pipe dream. So cruely a dream. With a sigh that could have made a serial killer cry, I dragged my body out of bed and peeled my clothes off, not wanting to imagine how many days they had been worn. Tossing them into my clothes basket, I limped carefully into the bathroom and started to fill my claw foot tub. It was the one thing I was most fond of, being classical and elegant. Of course, the wardens had only gotten it in consideration of themselves, as the first time I had needed rescuing out of a stand up shower was more than they could handle. So I washed and soaked in water that eventually turned red from my leg, and tried not to think. About anything.

I had probably been sleeping in the tub for several hours, if the cold water was any indication, before I decided to join the living. I drained the tub and toweled off, throwing the bloody towel on top of my old clothes before limping over to my dresser. Not really watching what I was putting on, my head whipped up at the sound of the door to the basement opening. Still in underwear, I flung myself on the bed and yanked a corner up to cover as much of myself as possible, my eyes dulling to cover any emotions. Never in a million years was I prepared to see that man walk down those steps and come around the corner. He walked over carrying a plate full of food stacked as high as possible, a glass of milk in his other hand. He stopped upon seeing the shocked expression on my face.

"What? You ok, darlin'?" Wow, can hope ever come back quick from the dead.

"Yeah, I just woke up and you weren't here, so I thought I'd dreamed the whole thing. But I guess you are real, however you got here. That food for me?"

"Yeah, and me." He sat down on the bed next to me and handed me a sandwich. Forgetting my lack of clothes, I dropped the covers to grab the food, suddenly starving. I had already swallowed half the sandwich before I noticed he was staring at me. Well, not at me, but at me from the neck down.

"Sorry; I was getting dressed and I thought you were the wardens, so I just jumped in bed. Hang on real quick and I'll get dressed." I stood up and limped to the dresser, rooting around to find anything I did not have to slip my legs into. I found an oversized button up shirt and turned around towards the bed as I slipped my arms into it, poised to pull it over my head, when I realized his face had gone bright red. Like suffocation red.

"Are you ok?" He gestured to my waist, and I looked down to see I was wearing a string bikini bottom with lace for strings. Laughing, I pulled the shirt over my head.

"Sorry, I just wasn't paying attention to what I was putting on." Shaking his head, he stood and approached me, pulling up the shirt to expose my belly. His fingers gently traced the fine white lines that criss crossed from the top of my rib cage down to the top of the bikini, his face sad and somehow angry at the same time. Knelt down in front of me, he looked into my eyes and my breath stopped.

"How long have they been doing this to you?" His question was barely a whisper, but the feeling behind it was enough to nearly break me. I merely shook my head, knowing if I said one word, or even tried, I'd start crying. He stood and scooped me into his arms, carrying me back to bed. Not used to so much human contact, I could not help but tense, yet if he noticed he said nothing. He placed me on the mattress like I was porcelain and handed me the plate like nothing had happened, and I was so grateful for that small consideration that I think a small part of me started to love him right there. At least, if I was honest with myself. We ate in silence and then he cleaned my leg like he had been doing it all his life. The whole time, he never pressured me to talk, never asked a question, just let me have the space I needed. It was a few hours before I felt centered enough, capable of speaking without cracking. So, I talked. He sat on the floor, his back to the bed, and listened. I have no idea how long I talked, but it had been years since anyone had actually wanted to listen, to just sit back and listen. So, I vented about my life, the unfairness of it all, the hatred I had for the people who were supposed to take care of me and had become monsters. I spoke until my voice was hoarse and my soul felt empty. Not a black empty, but gloriously expunged if only for a few hours. I looked at the back of his head and wondered if he had actually fallen asleep, as he had not moved a muscle for hours. I was leaning over the side of the bed to check when he finally spoke up. As I thought he was asleep, the sound startled me and I flinched; already leaning over the side of the bed it threw me off balance and I fell over in a tangle of legs and blanket. Again moving faster than any person should be capable of, he caught me before I could hit the floor and carefully extracted my legs from the blanket, checking to make sure I had not busted any stitches. Then he turned his hazel eyes to mine and again asked the question that had startled me.

"Will you come with me when I go home? My friends will find me, somehow, even though I'm not from here, and I want you to come with me."

"Why?" I could think of no reason why anyone would want to be tied to me; my wardens were quick to point out my faults, and though I realize they were being abusive, some of their points did have merit, which is why their words could hurt so much.

"Want you to." I stared up at him, waiting for him to continue, but apparantly that was all I was going to get out of him. I was quickly learning he was not much with the words, but rather it was everything else about him that could tell me what he was thinking. His eyes were asking me, almost begging me to say yes, and his arms tightened around me so little I could have imagined it, and only a completely crazy person would have said no to a chance to escape my life. I was not crazy. Again, his body told me what he did not. He hugged me a little tighter and the nod I got was such a simple reaction to such an important decision it only emphasized the feeling behind it.

"So, where've you been?" A shrug.

"In the house." That sat me up straight in his lap and looking into his eyes with an equal mixture of fear and amazement.

"Please tell me the wardens did NOT see you, because if they even think that I have someone down here or in any part of their house, then I'm dead, and I don't really think it will be figuratively this time." If anything, the smug and offended look on his face reassured me more than any of his words.

"Woman, please. Give a feral some credit here." I nodded, duly chastized.

How do I tell of the weeks that followed? How he would squeeze under the bed to hide from the wardens at the sound of their voice, how he would pick my body up from the floor each time I was flung down to my room, broken and bleeding. How I slowly got used to a mere five hours of sleep a day, as I wanted to spend my every waking moment with someone who provided the companionship I had craved for five long years, would listen and give advice honestly, would laugh at my dirty jokes, and taught me to respect myself as a person. That was the one that probably stretched his patience the most, as it was a concept that I had lost to survival instincts long ago. There was no respect for myself when I used to lay on the concrete floor, bleeding and broken and holding on by the barest of self-preservational strings. Respect was something I had to be taught, and I slowly started to wonder how I ever let it go. For someone my age, I had faced and dealt with things none of my classmates would ever have to deal with, and I had made it. Maybe not completely intact, but I was still sane and breathing. Logan taught me that if you have those two things at the end, everything else can be rebuilt. And it can be rebuilt stronger. So strong, in fact, that it almost caused my death.

My wardens had never discussed any financial holdings with me, even though I knew I was the source of all their luxury, so I began to ponder what I would do when I had legal independance. Of course, I was worried that they would have bled me dry before that even happened, but seeing as how I grew up with so little, that probably would not really be an issue. Being able to tell them to fuck off and live on my own would have been good enough. They could even have the house, if they could make the mortgage payments, that is. I don't think they had worked since they signed off on my custody. It was probably a combination of Logan's influence and the fact that freedom was within sight for me that led to a small change in my behavior towards the wardens. Nothing earth-shattering; but I'm sure to them it was disturbing that for the first time in years I was actually looking them in the eyes and answering their questions in my regular voice as opposed to the Small And Insignificant Who Me? voice that showed I had not a rebellious thought in my entire being. At first they werely gave me strange looks, but as the behavior continued, I could swear I saw the tiniest slivers of fear in their eyes. They probably saw their future through my own eyes and did not like what they saw. And as jaded as they had caused me to become, I never in a million years would have ever imagined that they would have killed to maintain their lifestyle. I seriously hope my parents spent a good part of their time haunting their asses and poltergeisting their good china.

As much as my body got the crap beaten out of it on a regular basis, I never got sick. I'm sure it was because I did not want to die. I could just see the look on their faces coming down to investigate the horrible smell of my decomposing body- funny, but in my mind it's the same face they make when I ask for five bucks to buy shampoo with. But I always knew in the back of my mind that if I got sick right after one of my "pummeled" sessions, that it would probably be more than my body could handle, and as doctors were not something I was allowed, then getting sick just became a non-option. I honestly do not remember the last time I got sick, maybe during the first year after my parents died? But about three weeks after Logan came into my life, I became sick. At first it appeared to be a stomach flu, and considering it was winter and I did go to a public school, the fact that I talked to no one did nothing to decrease my chances of catching whatever was going around. After seven days of vomiting every morning and being able to only eat broth that my wardens set at the middle of the stairs twice a day, I definitely started getting worse. I was starving, and my fever remained snugly at 103, but shortly after I ate each time I would get the dry heaves for a good hour and then fall into a restless sleep for a few hours before waking up to start with more dry heaves. While I don't really remember most of those days, as half the time my fever was so high that I was halucinating, apparantly Logan started to suspect it was no stomach flu after the seventh day. He told me later that a strange smell, though so faint he could barely smell it over the ever-present odor of my half digested food in the toilet, started to fill the basement. He started to feed me food he smuggled from the kitchen at night, and I made a remarkable recovery in two days time. At the end of that first day, my fever broke and I could hold two thoughts together. That was when he told me with fire in his eyes that the strange smell that had been driving him crazy had been coming from the broth my wardens had been dropping by so considerately. Anyone in the world other than Logan and I would have called him a bald-faced liar. But by the beginning of the second day, even though I felt very weak, I felt so much better that I really had no arguement against his accusations. In fact, I remember that just before I had gotten sick, my wardens had gone for take out food and had left a lasagna for me in the fridge. I had merely assumed that leftovers were beneath them, and as they were definitely not below me, I had devoured the entire thing, only to wake the next day feeling the body aches that heralded the beginning of a sickness. So, when noon came around the ninth day, a full month of life with Logan, the man I now owed my life to, my wardens made a surprise inspection of my domicile. Not even considerate enough to knock -and since when did they ever deign to come down into my plane of existence?- they simply walked down with soft steps and peeked around the corner, I assume to see if I was dead yet. Imagine their surprise at seeing my watching TV, doing homework, and in general looking very healthy. As opposed to dead. The next few minutes were a blur.

It is funny that in one's life, when something life-altering happens, it occurs so fast it is over before you recognize the importance of it, yet when you try to remember the incident, it seems to slow down in your memory until you can even smell the most mundane smells in the room, the sound of a heater kicking on, the commercial that was on the TV at the time. That was one of those times. Now when I think it over, the picture of Mr. Custory rushing me in a fit of rage over my continuing to be among the living, Logan rushing out from under the bed, using his body as a shield, I can even tell you what the wardens were wearing, what her hair smelled like. Whether I could actually smell her hair is not as important as the fact that for the second time that week, Logan saved my life. There was no mistaking the look in my warden's eyes; he was very comfortable with killing me with his bare hands and would not suffer a loss of sleep for it. But my savior appeared as if from thin air and looked decidedly aggressive, snarling and even drooling a little out of his mouth as he growled his complete rage at the wardens. Mr. Custory stopped on a dime and his gaze only grazed Logan for a second before settling on me with a triumphant look, and even though I have lived with this man for five years, I might as well have been looking into Charlie Manson's eyes on Christmas day. Any need I still might have had for therapy died in that instant. It was a glorious feeling to have a moment of perfect clarity in which my absence of guilt and the undeniability of my role as a victim was truly accepted in my heart. My heart also told my conscience that if Logan saw fit to kill both of them in the next few seconds, that it had no right to feel anything other than a sense of justice, of absolution. So I watched the warden make the threat I so knew was coming.

"Justifiable homicide. I was defending myself from attack from your boyfriend and killed both of you. Laura." Her arms whipped out of her coat so fast that in my condition it took me a second to realize that she held a gun in her hands, aiming squarely at Logan's chest. Either I was still a little funny from all the halucinating, or I had perfect confidence in Logan. I still think it was a little bit of both; I actually laughed at the absurdity that a mere gun could hurt Logan, and as they did not know who he was, I could understand their aggravation.

"What's so funny, bitch?!"

Who knows how that would have actually played out had the whirlpool thing not showed up again? (Yeah, he woulda killed them with a smile on his face) Thirty days, which makes me think the science behind it relies on a lunar calendar to control the energy flow, but the timing could not have been better. The wardens had showed me that the world I was born into held nothing for me, so I wasted no time in deliberating. When Logan held out his hand I was already reaching for it. And because of my illness, the fact that my wardens had actually tried to poison me so that they could inherit the entire fortune, I really could not impress you with a detailed account of what it felt like to travel between dimensions. I can tell you, however, that you can feel the difference between falling between dimensions and falling through the air. Because the last thing I remember is seeing rock fly past me and realizing that I was in the air. Falling through the air fast.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: They're not mine; I only have words to give. I'm just taking these wonderful characters and playing with them, wishing they were real.

Logan woke up with a start, the last memories in his mind screaming at him to wake up. He snorted roughly twice to rid his nose of the sand that had somehow creeped inside and froze as certain familiar scents floated across his nose.

"Fuck." A quick scan of the beach told him what he had already guessed; that she had been found and taken in the few moments he had been unconscious from the fall. He had already had suspicions that he had been forced off the edge of a cliff on purpose (most of the time they just tried to kill him) and combine that with the probability of being landed in a dimension with a young girl with horrible problems... Horrible problems that have stripped her down to her most basic self-preservation instincts. Someone that would therefore be easy to train for all kinds of things. When the whirlpool had reappeared, he had known he was right, and he had stayed conscious all through the portal until he realized they were being dumped back out where he had entered. Halfway down a cliff. He had tried to reach for her, to cushion her body from the impact with his, but he just could not reach her. His body had struck the compact sand and the occassional rock and apparently it had been all the window they had needed to take her. He ran up and down the beach trying to get any kind of a scent trail, but the brisk breeze coming off of the ocean was quickly obliterating any scent at all. Panic was quickly becomming harder and harder to deny, and his growls of anger and frustration became roars of panic as his feet took him off in a direction, which way he did not know. His mind told him that if he ran fast enough, he could find some trace of her. A crushed blade of grass, a ripped piece of clothing, anything. He came across his battered army bag and realized he had led himself back to civilization; his cell was in the bag. Reaching inside, he turned it on and dialed the number to Salem Center, holding his breath, convinced that every second he lost was a second that took her farther away from him, farther away the safety he had promised her. The phone only rang twice before it was picked up by a very out of breath voice.

"Hello, yes, Logan?!"

"Yeah, I gotta emergency an' I need you guys to get down here fast. I'm fine, but I need everybody down here now!" He hung up and dropped the phone, knowing that with it on they could find him, but he was more concerned with finding any trace of her. Unless she was teleported out there was something for him to find. And he was going to find it. Better that than letting the thoughts of her fear, her confusion, her voice crying out for him, all those things that were probably happening at that very moment, filling his head and weighing him down with guilt. That would not help her, get her back to him any faster, or make him feel any more convinced that bringing her had been the right decision. How the hell was he supposed to know she was the only thing they really had wanted; they could have killed him in those few moments of unconsciousness, and he had probably made a very tempting target, yet they had gotten her and the hell out as quickly as they could. Not to mention they were very careful to leave no traces of themselves or her behind. Damnit, he should have known somehow!

His ears picked up the sound of the jet while it was still miles away and took off running for his backpack, slinging it over his shoulder and waiting impatiently for it to land. He may not have been able to save her from them, but he would definitely make sure they were not able to bother her ever again, at least in this life.

"I'm sorry, Logan, but I can't pick up on anyone nearby. The professor and I'll have to use Cerebro if we're going to find her. Even then, it'll be hard to find someone whose mind we've never touched before. Did you recognize any of the people who attacked you a month ago? They were probably the same ones that took her."

"Only Scalphunter. The rest I've never seen before. Which means Sinister. Figures." He sat down near the rear of the plane and the look on his face was very familiar to all of his teammates as the look he wore whenever someone he cared about was in trouble. It was the mask of someone trying to show nothing on the outside in the hopes that it would stop all the feelings on the inside. And they knew better than to try to talk to him when he wore that mask. Any questions they had would have to wait.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: They're not mine; I only have words to give. I'm just taking these wonderful characters and playing with them, wishing they were real.

When she opened her eyes, the first thing she noticed was that the ceiling looked just like a hospital ceiling. Which, she realized very quickly, was the last place Logan would leave her, knowing his terror of all things medical. Wary at once, she turned her head around to take in her surroundings, at which time she caught sight of a familiar blue figure in a white doctor coat. Marvelling at the sight of the doctor for the first time in real life and not on paper, she studied him for a moment before swallowing, noting to herself how dry her throat was.

"Dr. McCoy? I'm thirsty." The blue furred doctor's head whipped around and his eyes focused on her in surprise. One bound was all it took for him to cross the entire room to her side. Holding a cup of water, he guided the straw to her mouth, his attention already on assessing her condition.

"Well, my dear, you seem to have the advantage over myself, as I confess an ignorance to your personal nomer. Our friend Logan was very mysterious in his omition of the exact details of your acquaintenceship with aforementioned friend."

"Well, I'm sure he had his reasons."

"My dear, I like you already simply for the fact that you have not asked for "plain english". However, I still do not know your name." She paused, hesitant to disclose anything Logan had not wanted to tell them. Hank noticed this and waved the subject away.

"No matter. I'm sure you must be anxious to see him, and I am equally anxious for an end to his constant pestering. I will inform him that you are ready to see him. Then we will finish up here and I'm sure you must be anxious to investigate your new surroundings." With that he bounded to the door and spoke into an intercom briefly. Almost instantly, the door slammed open and Logan was beside her, his eyes roving over her and checking every inch of her before settling on her face.

"How ya feelin' Darlin'?"

Her eyes bored into his before settling on the doctor, then back to his significantly. He nodded his understanding and called over to Hank.

"Hank, you about done with her? I wanna get her settled in her room and show her around."

"Actually, I'm just awaiting the results from a few blood tests, so she is free to roam in the meantime. Just do not let her overexert herself, Logan or she might end up back here and I'm sure my company is not that appealing."

"I promise, Hank. Thanks." He offered his hand to her and helped guide her off the bed, steadying her as she weaved on her feet. She noted to herself that she was not wearing one of those horrible gowns, rather clothes that reminded her of a bum she had seen once. Deciding it would be better to ask him once they had some privacy, she added it to the list of questions she had been acquiring since waking. Walking out of the room, she kept one hand on his shoulder, and although he assumed it was because she needed him for balance, she actually wanted the reassurance of his bulk touching her. He led her up staircases and down hallways until she had no idea where in the mansion she was before stopping at a particular door that sported a smiley faced sticker below the peephole. While she seriously doubted he put that sticker there for her benefit, she was immensely glad for the reference. He noticed the glance the sticker received and shot her a bemused look.

"Jubilee thought it might help you find your room until you figure out where stuff is. She's really curious 'bout you, but I told 'er to wait until tomorrow." He waited until the door was closed behind them before his tone took on the inflection that he used for serious talks.

"I know no one has told you anything, and even though they told me not to, there's things you gotta know, Di."

He was going to continue but she beat him to it.

"I don't remember anything since my room, Logan. And I know it's been awhile, 'cause it felt like the bad kind of sleep. So how long has it been? How much time have I lost?"

He sighed and seemed to think for so long that she began to think he would not tell her.

"It's been six months. Six months of looking for you, six months that you were held by Sinister. And we have no clue what he did to you. You know as well as I do what he likes to do to people, Di. And they don't want me telling you this because even though they have no records to compare with, they know for sure that Sinister changed a lot of stuff. A lot."

She stared at him in horror, all of a sudden doing frantic checks on her body, how she felt, her muscles, all the things that most people take for granted on a daily basis because they do not live in constant pain. And her eyes grew large in the dark of the room as a few things that were new made themselves known. And they frightened her.

"Oh god, Logan, what did he do to me? I feel... stronger, and... I don't belong here. My body is different from everything, and I can _feel_ it. _Please_ tell me he did not make me a mutant. Please tell me he didn't." He was glad of the darkness that allowed him to look away from her pleading face, away from the horror and confusion he knew were there.

"I'm sorry, Darlin'. We don't know what yer powers are yet, or even if he'll try to come back and get you. Once we got you outta there, you started comin' outta yer sedation pretty quickly, so we know as much as you do right now. But we'll figure this out together, Di. I ain't leavin' ya. And I'll make sure Sinister never lays a finger on you again. He may've brought you into this world, but yer stayin' with me." He pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly, feeling her shiver against his body, a shiver of anxiety and terror.

"C'mon, Darlin', you need to rest. Tomorrow we're gonna try and figure out whatcha can do, but you need to be rested. And yes, I'll stay with ya." He smiled, knowing the question was on her lips, and guided her to the bed. They both settled under the covers fully clothed and as his body heat spread her shivers died and her breathing quickly became shallow. He tucked her into his chest and watched her sleep for a long time before allowing his eyes to rest.

The next day saw her sleeping with one arm draped over his waist, her head buried in his chest. A whimper escaped from her throat and his eyes snapped open, all his senses immediately focused on her every detail. Her body tensed and then relaxed, as it had so often when they had slept together in her room. This time, however, he was surprised to hear a low growl vibrate from low in her chest as her entire body slowly tensed until she was stiff against him, her arm hovering just above his shirt. There was no warning, no deep breath, no opening of the mouth before an enraged howl burst from her. As he clapped his hands protectively over his sensitive ears, the arm she was laying on shot into his chest and he hit the wall in astonishment; the few inches between their bodies should not have been enough room for such a powerful blow. He picked himself up and watched as she tossed on the bed as though she were in unbearable agony, tears leaking out of eyes shut tight against her dreams. Jean burst into the door and he held up a hand to stop her, not wanting Jean to touch her. He knew that even asleep, she would know if a stranger was touching her or not, and did not think the reaction would be good.

"She's in so much pain, Logan! It hurts so much! You've got to wake her up from this!" He nodded and approached the bed, growling loudly in his throat to reassure her of his presence. The scream died and he was able to take his hands away from his ears. Still growling, he sat down slowly on the bed and took one of her shaking fists in his hands, rubbing the fingertips of his other hand over the underside of her wrist softly. She whimpered like a wounded animal, her whine making his heart tighten in his chest. How many times had he made those sounds during his nightmares? He kept up the reassuring touch, grateful that even though these dreams were obviously not the ones they were both used to, she was still beginning to relax, his touch still reaching out to her and pulling her away from her dreams and towards him. Jean watched in silent awe as the woman's mind acknowledged his touch and pushed her dreams away forcefully, surfacing towards lucidity. When her eyes finally opened, they were full of unshed tears, and unwanted knowledge. They frantically sought Logan's, and the voice that whispered in the dim light of the morning was hoarse and unbelieving.

"I had a bad dream Logan, but I don't think I want to remember it." Jean watched as her body froze for a split-second, knowing the woman was now aware of her presence.

"And I'm really hungry. Can I get breakfast without having to meet everyone yet? I'm a little tired, still." Jean marvelled at the casual tone of her voice, as if she was carrying on a normal conversation with a close friend instead of dealing with horrors that her mind could not accept. Whoever this woman was, Jean had a feeling that the only person in this world or the one she came from that held her trust was Logan, and if they were going to be able to help her at all, it would have to be through Logan. She backed out of the room silently, wanting to let them have their privacy. And she needed to talk to the Professor.

"What's really bothering you, Jean? There's something else on your mind."  
"I know that this woman needs his help and even though she knows us her trust is still shaky. But honestly, the person I am really worried about is Jubilee. And you know exactly why."

Xavier nodded and sighed, settling back in his chair with his eyes closed.

"She will either take to this woman and assist Logan in helping her, or see her as a rival to his affections. And no one will win that war." Jean nodded her agreement.

"You're right. It will be war to her, and the whole house will get sucked into it. Should we talk to Logan? I honestly see that as our best option. Jubilee is not always all that easy to reason with, especially after her mind is made up about something."

"And nothing can change her mind when it comes to Logan," Xavier finished her thought and smiled up at Jean with a sardonic smile, "Logan it is. And if we're lucky, they'll end up being fine without our help. I, for one, shall pray for that eventuality. Now, I understand that Logan was planning on taking our new addition to the Danger Room? Do we know her name, by the way? I find it hard to keep referring to her as an undefined person."

"Only Logan does, and I have no idea why he will not tell us. It's such a small thing. Maybe he wanted to wait and introduce her properly? Either way, I find it irritating. And they should actually be in the Danger Room right now. Do you really think that she'll be able to use her powers when she has no idea what they are? It's like trying to flex a muscle when you don't know where it is on your body."

"I have the sneaking suspicion that Logan will attempt to bring our her power by putting her in danger or a stressful situation, just the way it manifests for most of us. He can be quite the tactician when properly motivated."

"He will be mad if we watch, won't he?" Xavier nodded and shrugged, a gesture he seldom used.

"If her health is in jepeordy, he will seek assistance. Other than that, we will just have to wait until they are both ready for her to get to know our family. Can you ask Scott to come join me? We need to discuss security matters around the mansion."

"Of course. Do you really think Sinister will come back for her? We can't just stop our lives waiting for him to try or not try to reclaim her. I wish there was a way to know for sure."  
"So do I, however you know how persistent he can be, especially with persons he considers his "projects". We will just have to train her the best we can, and hope for the best. Life will go on eventually."

"So how are we gonna figure out what I can do?"

"Simple, you're gonna do this by yourself. I'll be in here with you, but it's an easy program with the safeties on, just to get a feeling of what you can do." She nodded and began to stretch her muscles. She stopped mid-stretch and looked at him with a pout. He was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest, his eyebrow up at her pout.

"What?"

"Can I have music? It helps me to-"  
"To relax. Yeah, sure. Whatcha want?"

"I dunno, it's not my world. Jubilee's music?"

"Alright. But it's a little boy-bandish." She flinched and made a face.

"Ok, no. How about your music. Is it hard music; that's what I want." He nodded and turned to punch in codes into the terminal while she began doing katas. He turned around and froze, frowning, but not saying a word. When he began the program, he blended into the shadows and simply watched. Heavy metal blared out of the speakers, drowning out all other sound. She waited to be attacked, but when no one approached, she chose a direction and started jogging. He could tell the exact moment she became engrossed in the simulation, giving her mind over to it. And that was when things became different. Her posture changed from unsure to tense, her body balancing on the balls of her feet. When the first opponent made its' presence known, he never in all his years would have guessed her reaction would have been to laugh. It raised the short hairs on the nape of his neck, gave his goosebumps. The speed and ease with which she dispatched her opponent made it clear Sinister had given her combat training, but her style was erratic. She switched between martial styles so quickly he had a difficult time identifying them, and he knew she had never been trained in any of these styles before. It also made it extremely difficult to defend against her varied attacks, and he had to step up the difficulty of the program quickly to challenge her. As her moves became quicker and more instinctual, he could only marvel. She was operating without conscious thought, her body moving too fast for her to think it through first. Again he increased the difficulty, hoping to overwhelm her and force her body to use its' mutant power in defense. The number of combatants surrounding her made it difficult to actually see her, but the laughter was definitely gone. And still she was holding her own. He could only tell this by the bodies flying away from her, and his sharp eyes caught a quick glance at her face inbetween combatants. It was completely blank, no concentration, no fear, no frustration. Almost as if her body was running the show, and the mind was not home. He allowed the program to run for some time, hoping to wear her down. How much time it took, he was too busy watching her to notice, but eventually she did begin to tire. It was then that he ducked out of the room and headed up to the observation booth, giving a quick couple of deep breaths before cranking the program up to its' highest difficulty. He watched anxiously as she began to duck and evade, trying to stall for time inbetween attacks. Her moves became more and more desperate as she was slowly overwhelmed by sheer numbers.

And then she blew.

He knew she would, had pushed her to that point intentionally, but the first manifestation of anyone's power is always an emotionally charged one. It is a traumatic experience, the body doing something you never thought it would do, something you did not tell it to do, for that one instant knowing that your body is completely out of your control. Up in the control room, he was suddenly bathed in red alarm lights and drowned in klaxons. Ignoring them all, he watched a visible shock wave explode away from her body before a white flash temporarily blinded him. Then all he could hear was her screaming. Absolute, mindless terror was thrown out to every person with any kind of telepathic abilities for many miles, leaving most with the impression of a cold finger down their spine. Those closer were unfortunate enough to feint. Roaring at the computer to terminate the program, he felt his way to the doors and tumbled inside, his nose leading him to her. His vision was returning, but so slowly. Much more slowly than he was used to, even when he had suffered a lot of damage. As he stumbled closer to her, the sweaty smell of fear disappeared in an oily scent of rage. He could hear her pacing back and forth, but the aggressive growl that vibrated over the sound of her feet made him stop in his tracks. The growl had not been a warning for him to stay away, but until he could see clearly the expression on her face, it was enough to give her some space. He hoped his sight came back soon; it was a matter of only minutes before he expected everyone in the mansion to come tearing through the doors.

"Di, you ok? Talk ta me, girl."

"Yeah, I'm fine. I know what nifty deluxe package I got as a door prize, and I don't like it. You have no idea just how powerful he made me, Logan. He's a sick fuck, definitely, but he's one helluva smart fuck." She stopped mid-stride and he could hear the tremor in her voice.

"I need to see Hank right away. Can you see yet? I don't remember where it is. I don't want to be in a room with anyone until Hank knows exactly what Sinister stuck in my head. All this stuff I know, it just came outta nowhere. It's like, as soon as I used my powers, all this knowledge was just there, like BAM! It's not supposed to be that easy. What the hell did he do to my head?" He blinked the last few spots away and immediately looked at the floor.

"Uh, darlin', not to make this any worse, but yer clothes're gone." She continued to pace back and forth, merely waving a hand dismissively at his alarm.

"Yeah, it's because my energy is different. It'll happen every time until we can figure out something that can adapt to different energy frequencies."

"Ok, but I ain't escorting you through the mansion in yer birthday suit." He trotted over to the remote panel and in seconds a large towel appeared on the floor. He quickly wrapped it around her and guided her out of the door, ignoring her conversation with herself. He ushered her down hallways and into an elevator, rubbing her arms absently. They shot out of the door and straight into Scott.

"What the fuck is going on? Jean's completely passed out and the Professor can barely put two words together. And I know this woman did it, I just want to know what it **is**. And I want to know NOW!" Logan merely shoved him out of the way, feeling the way her body had become rock hard with tension as she tried to shrink back into his body.

"Hey! I want some answers, damnit. Where do you think you're going, Logan?!" Logan twisted around at the waist, his hand shooting out and grabbing Scott's shirt in an iron grip.

"Listen, One-Eye, I'm takin' her ta the Medlab and yer questions're just gonna wait. Now lemme alone!" He shoved him away and hustled her in through the Medlab doors, locking them behind him. Expecting the doors to open for him, Scott walked into them and cursed roundly, pounding his fists on the door and shouting at Logan.

"Hank! Hank, you in here? We need some help, damnit!" The blue doctor came leaping in from an adjoining room, his eyebrow raised in a silent question as Scott could be heard ranting through the door.

"Logan, what is happening? Why is Scott locked out of my Medlab?" She stepped forward, sliding away from both of them.

"Dr. McCoy, I want you to put me someplace safe until you figure out exactly what Sinister did to me." His head cocked to the side like an animal focusing on a particular sound.

"And why would we need to protect you, my dear? You are perfectly safe in this house from Sinister." She took another step back, shaking her head.

"No, Hank, not safe for me, safe from me. I dont' think it's safe for anyone to be around me right now. Is there someplace you can put me where I can't use my power? Or make me sleep or something?"

"Now just hold on a minute, Darlin'," Logan said as he took a small step towards her," aren't you overreactin' jus' a little. You said you knew how to use it. So why're ya all freaked out on us?"

Her voice was barely above a whisper, as if to voice her fears would make them happen, yet to the sensitive hearing of both men her whisper was harsh and faltering.

"Because if he can make me know things, what else can he make me do?"

When Scott was finally able to get into the Medlab, he was followed by almost the entire house. He had attempted to get Jubilee to wait outside, but once she learned that Wolverine was in there, she merely gave him a look from her ancient eyes and he knew it was futile. She was the first person in the doors, her eyes searching for her partner. Hank stood outside the door to one of the containment cells, his hands held up in a gesture to keep everyone back.

"I know you must all feel very earnest to discern what has occured, and I assure you that I have the knowledge you seek, but there is no advantage to being vociferous jointly."

"Hank." That one warning from Scott was enough to wring a defeated sigh from the doctor.

"Fine. She is in the containment cell by choice. The manifestation of her mutant power apparently triggered memories implanted by Sinister. She has complete knowledge of her powers and how they work, the limits to which he had tested them before we interrupted him, and apparently he "upgraded" her with a complete knowledge of worldwide combat arts. In effect, she was altered to be the perfect soldier. It is my belief that he had not the opportunity to begin any personality alteration, but I will need to do extensive testing before I know for sure. And yes, Scott, she has wholeheartedly agreed to the testing. It seems she is as concerned as the rest of us. I doubt she will feel comfortable outside the cell until she knows there are no surprises hiding inside her brain. Now, are there any questions that I have failed to answer so far?"

"Is Wolvie in there with her?" It was impossible to tell what kind of emotion was behind her question, as she kept her voice level, almost monotonous.

"Yes, he insisted she not remain secluded by herself. I doubt he will remain for the entire time I require to complete her testing, as it will be extensive, but for right now I doubt he will leave any time soon."

"I'm going in there. And I know it may not be safe," she said loudly over the cacophony of voices that argued against her," but do you guys really think that she's evil? 'Cause you're sure treating her like she is. Maybe she'd feel a little safer outside of a containment cell if you showed a little faith in her. I'm going in there to see Wolvie." Again, she regarded her family with those eyes that had seen so much, and she finally looked to Xavier for permission. He knew he had no choice but to give it; she would get in there one way or another. He nodded and she smiled a tiny smile before facing Hank. He held the door open and she rushed in, all youthful exuberance. She saw the two of them sitting on the sole bench provided in the cells and leaped into Logan's arms before the door had even closed. She squealled and hugged him tightly as though it had been years since she had last seen him.

"Hey Darlin'. Hard ta get in here?" She snorted and regarded him with playful reproach.

"Wolvie, please. Have they ever won when it comes to you?" He grunted and turned her to face the woman who was backed into a corner, nervously watching the ease with which the two interacted.

"Jubes, I'd like you to meet Di. No one else knows her name yet, and we're gonna keep it that way fer a while." Jubes set those eyes on the woman Logan had spent six months looking for like a man possessed, and had to admit she could not immediately see anything to dislike her for.

"'S ok, Di. We both know you ain't gonna hurt her. This's my partner, Jubes." Di walked forward and held out her hand, her eyes never leaving the teenager, looking for the smallest sign of jealousy. When her hand was met, she knew that for now, she was safe in Jubilee's eyes. For now. Logan for his part was surprised that Jubilee did not give Di an enthusiastic hug like she did with most people. There was something else going on, and he had a feeling he knew exactly what it was; it would not be the first time.

"So, like, you're Sini's latest playdoh doll, huh? Why're you hiding in here? I get that you're scared that Sini boobytrapped your head, but being here isn't going to make it not happen. You're just making everybody nervous 'bout you. And what is Di short for, anyway?" While Logan was used to the rapid speed with which Jubilee spoke, he expected Di to need a second to assimilate the words thrown at her. Yet she replied just as quickly, which he could tell earned her points in Jubilee's book.

"Yeah, unfortunately. I'm in here because I wanted to make sure nothing happened to you guys, and I figured they would see it as a gesture of good faith instead of making them nervous. And it's short for Dionysus, the Greek god of wine and justice. Can you guess which one contributed to my parents having me, my parents apparently having had a sick sense of humor?" At that Jubilee laughed out loud, an easy sound that showed the ease she felt with the other woman.

" Yeah, I totally understand that one. So, you gonna come out or do I need to have visitation rights to Wolvie?" Di looked to Logan for encouragement, and his nod was enough to decide her. He went and pounded on the door, letting Jubilee exit first, then following Di with an encouraging hand on the small of her back. The only one who noticed the intimate gesture was Jean, who quickly looked away and said nothing. Looking a little harried at the continued presence of so many people in his Medlab, Hank squeezed the bridge of his nose and looked imploringly at Di.

"I take it you have reconsidered your living situation, my dear? I have every faith you will be here tomorrow morning for the tests you asked for, and I do not want to appear to dislike your company, but I admit to being unaccustomed to having such a populated working area."

"Yeah, Hank, I'll stay in my room. I guess hiding isn't going to change anything." She looked nervously around at the crowd of people regarding her. "I guess you guys have a lotta questions for me, huh?" Xavier spoke up, his voice ruefull, yet sympathetic.

"You guess correctly, my dear. And while I appreciate the gesture you have made towards our safety, it is not necessary. If you do indeed know who we all are, then you surely must know that we are more than capable of taking care of ourselves. Now, have you had anything to eat since this morning? You must be hungry, and any questions we have can wait until after dinner. Perhaps we should all join our guest for dinner."

Logan had not noticed when Di had slipped away after dinner, Jubilee occupying his full attention long enough for her to escape. Dinner had been a tense affair, full of questions, many of which involved her past. While she had answered every question about her new abilities, she had refused to answer many questions about her past. The others had left dinner with only a basic knowledge of her background: loving parents killed at a young age, custody by friends who had not taken good care of her, and her willingness to leave with Logan when the chance had come. Anything more she did not feel they deserved to know, as that was a part of her she now held sacred. When she had noticed that Jubilee had captured Logan's attention and was talking her usual mile a minute, she took the chance to race up to her room and change into jeans and a sweatshirt. Opening her window, she climbed up the drain pipe, grateful she was light enough. Exploring the rooftop she had read about so many times, she found a good spot and watched the sun set, occassionally shivering from the dropping temperature, but generally too caught up in her own thoughts to notice. Only when a trench coat dropped over her shoulders did she jump and she had to catch herself from responding defensively. For that first split second, all the different ways to lash out against an attacker from behind flashed in her mind, and she consciously had to stop her body from reacting. Taking a deep breath and relaxing her body deliberately, she tried to peer up into the face of the person standing behind her, but with the last rays of the sun vanishing, his figure was deeply shadowed. So, she took a guess.

"Remy? Or someone who borrowed his trench coat? You know it's not polite to sneak up on someone, especially someone who's distracted."

"Oui, chere, but den Remy not know if la belle honest 'bout not meanin' de X-Men no harm. Now, Remy knows fer sure." He sat down gracefully beside her and offered her his cigarette. She took a drag off of it and handed it back, sucking the smoke into her lungs gracefully. Letting the smoke billow out of her lips with pleasure, she looked at him with curiosity.

"Do they know about the Massacre yet?" she asked quietly. His body jerked, and became instantly tense.

"Non. U know bout dat?" She took his stiff arm and held it close to her body.

"Lemme tell you a story, Gambit. I think you of all people will appreciate it. Once upon a time, a girl grew up with a family that loved her. They had money, and lived a very happy life together. When her parents died, the girl learned she had been willed to live with her parents' best friends. At first, things seemed ok, but as time went on, her guardians started to treat her like a disease they couldn't get rid of. They cursed at her and tried to see as little of her as possible. With no one to talk to about the hole in her heart from her parents' death, she became rude and angry towards her guardians. So they made her move into the basement of their mansion, with a lock so that they could keep her down there when company came over. As the girl got older, the pain she felt every day became too much to deal with, and one day she snuck out of the house and hitched a ride into the city. She walked around the city, just thinking, trying to make sense of this new life she had where love was a word that only belonged in fairy tales. She came across a bar and became enraged at the sight of so many people going to drown their sorrows, as though their lives were so much worse. So, she picked a fight with the biggest man she could find. Of course, he kicked her ass and she got hurt pretty badly, but that night she learned that physical pain could make the pain inside her heart go away, even if for a little while. She began to sneak out of the house almost every night, picking fights at different bars, anywhere there were people big enough or drunk enough to fight. Then came the last year of school, and she made the mistake of asking her guardians for money for a graduation dress. She figured they would give it to her, for if she graduated they could kick her out and be done with her. Imagine her surprise when they hit her. She lay on the floor, not believing what had happened. Apparently this only served to enrage the man, who drug her to the steps of the basement and threw her down them. This would only prove to be the first time she was harmed by her guardians. And while it was a very terrible thing they were doing to her, it did teach her a valuable lesson: physical pain may make the other pain harder to feel, but it does nothing to heal it. Only dealing with the pain in her heart would make it go away. Of course, by that time it no longer mattered, because her guardians were injuring her more seriously and she no longer had the option to deal with emotional scars. The guardians couldn't let her go to a doctor each time they beat her, because then the authorities would find out and all their money would get taken away. So this girl learned how to stitch and be her own doctor, occasionally her own physical therapist when they got too mad and actually broke something. And even though every day was a struggle to want to live, she always made it through to the next one for one reason: one day she wanted to be able to say goodbye to her parents in the way she had always been denied. She wanted to tell them that she loved them and that even though they were gone, she would never forget them. They would always be a part of her life, no matter where she went or what she did with her life. And not even her guardians could prevent her from making peace with herself, as they could only damage her body, and not her soul." She let her story sink in for a moment before continuing. "The moral of the story, Remy, is that those of us that have holes in our hearts because of things we did or were done to us, the only ones that can fix it are us. I can't tell you that when the others find out it will be all roses and chocolate, and they will find out one way or another, but I can tell you that ultimately, the only thing that matters is that you realize that not everything that happens to you in this life is your fault, and what is not your fault should be let go of. I know you did not intentionally mean for it to happen, so why are you holding yourself responsible like you did? Just something for you to think about, Rem. Think of it as a little piece of wisdom I learned the hard way, and hopefully you won't have to." He remained silent, his arm completely limp in her arms. She said nothing more, just spent the time thinking, hoping her presence would give him a small bit of comfort. Eventually he cleared his throat and gripped her arm tightly for a moment before standing up.

"Remy thank you, chere. You give dis thief hope, and dat no small gift." She noted his voice was a little hoarse, but only nodded, not looking up into his face. She continued to watch the skies, letting him escape to save face. When she figured he was long gone, she rose on stiff legs and found her drain pipe, shimmying down to her open window and climbing inside. Immediately the smell of cigars filled her nose and she knew Logan was in her room.

"Missed ya after dinner, Darlin. Ya disappeared on me." She shrugged and closed the window, peeling off her sweater.

"Wanted to check out the roof. 'Sides, Jubilee wanted some time with you. I just wanted to think, that's all." She rooted through the dresser, trying to see in the dark for a night shirt. A light came on beside her bed and she saw him sitting in a chair in the corner of the room, his eyes sharp with some emotion he was trying to hide.

"Didn't look like you got too much time to think, talkin' ta the Cajuin." She found a night shirt and pulled it over her head, popping the snaps of her bra and pulling her bra out through a sleeve.

"You listen to the whole thing?" Her jeans went flying towards the hamper, but his eyes were not to be distracted.

"Got there in time to hear yer bedtime story. You been holdin' out on me." She laughed lightly and sank down onto the bed, stretching out.

"Not my proudest memory, Logan. I only shared it because I thought it would do some good. You know more about me than anyone that has ever known me, but it would take a lifetime to share with you everything about my life. And if there's anything I have learned about you, it's that you won't ever see me as anything but a child to protect, so when I ever fall in love, that will be the person I share every memory I can ever remember with. That is my choice, and my gift to that man. I owe you so much, Logan, so don't think that just because I make a few friends right away I'm just gonna drop you like yesterday's news. You will always be important to me, and no one can change that. But you already know all this. So what're you really worried about?" The emotion he had been trying to hide from her sprang up in full force in his eyes. It was suspicion, and not of her.

"What do you know about the Mutant Massacre?" She sat up straight and looked directly into his eyes.

"That is not my story to tell, Logan, and you know damn well I have no right to tell it. Don't you think if I knew something criminal about someone here that I would have told you by now? Maybe you should trust that because I know more than you, if there was something you needed to know, I would've told you. Other than that, you need to drop this right now. Some things need to happen on their own, and this's one of them. I need you to promise me, give me your word of honor, that you will just wait this out. Don't go nosing into stuff you shouldn't. Promise me", she demanded when he looked away, clearly hesitant.

"Darlin', I need to know because there should be no dangerous secrets in a team-" She stood up and pointed a finger at him.

"Don't you bullshit me, Logan. You have tons of secrets, and the fact that you don't even know what they are would not hold up to your arguement. This is none of your business, and really none of mine. I swear to you that nothing I know could put anyone in danger, and you either believe me or not." She lifted her chin at that last statement, demanding an answer with her posture. He held her gaze for a long moment before nodding. He stood up and took her stiff hands into his own.

"I promise, Darlin'. I promise." She nodded and suddenly flashed him a wolfish smile.

"So, how do you think dinner went? I think it went swimmingly. I fully expect to win my 'mutant of the month' award any day now." He chuckled and shook his head in amazement.

"Darlin', yer one of a kind, ya know that?" She graced him with a wide smile and pushed him towards her door, smacking his ass when he tried to resist.

"Yep, and yer keepin' me from my sleep. Can't be unpredictable and spontaneous without my eight hours, so shoo!" He opened the door and looked back at her, taking her in quickly. She stood with her arms crossed over her chest, her night shirt barely touching the top of her thighs, a playful smirk on her face.

"Oh, and Darlin', trust me, I know yer not a kid. You ain't been a kid fer years, and I think yer parents'd be proud a' the woman ya're today." He closed the door, leaving her close to crying. She smiled sadly and whispered a thank you that she knew he would still hear through her door.

The next few weeks sped by as Di spent much of her time in the lab, and even though it was exhausting to be poked and proded as things were checked and re-checked, she bore it all with a smile and never complained. Hank took to keeping suckers in his drawer, and their favorite part of the day soon became having heated discussions about which color she had earned for her "behavior". After nearly a month, Hank was relieved to finally pronounce her healthy and trigger-free. At which point she grabbed all the suckers she could manage and ran off, followed closely by a bellowing blue beast. Logan and the Proffessor were walking down the hall towards a corner, heading to breakfast when Di came barrelling around, hopping off the wall to keep from losing any momentum. A wheezed 'morning' was thrown at them just before Beast flew right by them, snarling at her like a rabid animal. Xavier looked at Logan mildly, his eyebrow raised in amusement.

"I do believe, Logan, that our new arrival is good for Hank. Somehow she has managed to continue finding ways of getting him out of the lab. That is something we have never been quite as proficient at." Logan chuckled and looked back over his shoulder, though they were long gone.

"Yeah, she's still a kid at heart. She don't like bein' serious 'less she gotta be. I hope Hank's almost done with all those tests." Xavier looked at him shrewdly.

"Are you planning on taking her for a vacation of sorts? That may not be wise, with Sinister out there."

"Yeah, but she's been caged up in here fer over a month, Chuck. She's never said nuthin', but I know she's gettin' a little stir-crazy. An' I wanted to take Jubes too."

"They seem to be getting along fine." Logan threw a knowing glance at Xavier.

"Yeah, but everybody knows Jubes. Don't want her gettin' the wrong ideas in her head and gettin' all possessive. I know you an' Jean've probably already talked 'bout this. I don't want Jubes to see Di as 'nother Kitty. A vacation'd do that." Logan opened the door to the kitchen and Xavier followed.

"Very well, Logan. Just keep in touch. I shall expect many postcards."


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: They're not mine; I only have words to give. I'm just taking these wonderful characters and playing with them, wishing they were real.

"I'm sorry, Logan, but I have just one question before I start packing."

"Shoot, Darlin'."

"Ok, you know how we used to talk about how when I got outta my world the only person who could decide what I did with my life was me?" _Uh oh_. "So how, in your infinite wisdom, did you feel you had the right to decide I was going to go on vacation as if I had no worries in the entire fuckin' world, simply because I _needed_ to!? And are we not worrying about Sinister anymore and everyone just forgot to tell me, 'cause I sure as hell have been more than a little stressed out about it! So, _sensei_, tell me what it is exactly that I need, as I apparently can't decide that on my own!!" She barely suppressed the urge to kick at the wall, and only refrained because she knew she was wearing steel-toed boots. Like putting a huge hole in the wall would be necessary to make her point. And while he did have the good sense to appear somewhat contrite, she knew, she KNEW that it was mostly not genuine. He sat on her bed, his hands spread wide as though she were a stray animal he was trying to convince that he was harmless.

"Well, I kinda figured that you've been holed up here fer awhile and maybe you'd wanna break out. Kinda like a 'I'm not booby-trapped' door prize or somethin'." She opened her mouth to continue shouting, but stopped short, her finger still poised in a dramatic point-making position.

"Logan, did you just say 'booby'" She busted out laughing, eventually bending over as her ribs started to ache.

"Ohmygod, I cannot believe you just said booby. Wait'll I tell Jubes. She'll never let that one go. Oh, man, I sooo needed that. Shit, my stomach hurts, fuckin' boobies, man!" She continued to laugh, tears leaking out of her eyes while Logan glared at her with his arms crossed over his chest disapprovingly.

"Ya done yet?" She tried to take in a few deep breaths, wiping the tears away from her eyes.

"Almost... Ok, I think I'm done. So, I know there are no guarantees in life, but you gotta give me somethin' close before I'm agreeing to leave a place that I know is pretty damn safe for me. What if he's just waiting for me to get bored and sneak out and as soon as I do then BAM! Are there gonna be any other bodyguards besides you?" She saw it was the wrong thing to say the second it came out of her mouth; she had insulted him. His face darkened and while she had seen that particular scowl many times, it had never been directed at her before. He stood slowly, deliberately.

"Fine. Whatever." He turned and started walking to the door and she knew if she did not fix her mistake quick, it could be days before he got over it; he could be surprisingly touchy about some things. So, she did the only thing she could think of: she tackled him. Or, rather, she tried to. Somehow she ended up on her back with his snarling face inches above hers, his claws drawn and pointed straight at her throat. Looking up into his furious eyes, she pretended to look for something for a second before letting a smug womanly smile spread across her face.

"Jubes comin'?" The question did not really reach him, and she gave him a minute to let it sink in through his anger. His claws retracted and he stood up, still oozing hurt masculine pride.

"Yeah." She stayed on the floor and shrugged as best she could.

"The two a' you're good enough for me. So where're you takin' me? Do I pack my bikinis and thongs or parkas and stylish scarves?" Still sulking, he snorted and headed for the door.

"If I see any thongs or anything besides a one piece, I'm not letting you outta the hotel. Plane leaves tomorrah. I'll come git you at five in the mornin'." He turned at the door and smiled evilly at her. "And you git to make sure Jubes is up and ready." Closing the door, he walked down the hall, chuckling to himself when he heard something hit her door followed by a word that was definitely not English.

She had to admit that once they had made it onto the plane without incident- not including the customary body search for Logan- and had settled into her seat with a tiny bottle of vodka, she was looking forward to seeing more of her new world. And while her request for the vodka had raised one of Logan's eyebrows, she merely flashed him her ID and smiled. When Scott had handed her all the paperwork proving her existence, she had pointed out that she was only 19, not 21. The look that never seemed to change on Scott's face took on a distinctly smug look, which made her wary of a joke she was not privy to.

"You've been through too much to not be able to drink in this world. And now you'll always look a couple years younger than your age." She had left it at that, but with the distinct feeling that it was somehow designed to get back at Logan for something. And now, as she smiled at his irritation, she understood Scott's little joke. Pouring it into a plastic cup with ice, she offered him a sip only to have him snort and settle back in his seat, closing his eyes as if in dismissal. Shrugging, she wordlessly offered it to Jubes, who nodded and reached for the cup, only to have her wrist engulfed in Logan's massive hand.

"Darlin', yer gonna haveta do better'n that ta sneak somethin' past me." Letting go, he opened his eyes and turned to Di, his irritation warring with amusement.

"Why do ya think yer not sittin' tagether, Di? Now what'm I gonna haveta do ta be able to sleep through the trip?" She made a show of seriously pondering the question before coming upon the answer.

"Shopping." He opened his mouth to protest, then thought better of it and sighed the way every man does when he knows he cannot win in the end.

"Fine. Now let me sleep. Hate these planes, all cramped an' stinkin' ta high hell." He closed his eyes folded his hands over his belly, ignoring the quietly high pitched, excited noises coming from the two women surrounding him. All the same, he mused before slumbering.

Looking back on it, he guessed they had come up with the plan while they were in the dressing rooms; he did not like to hear the sounds of his girls' clothes coming off, so he tended to tune out all the noises from that area. And either of them could have figured that out. He just had to keep telling himself that this was good for Di, to be herself and feel safe if even for only a little while. And he needed the girls, no_ women_, to get along. Although, if they were teaming up on him, something Jubes and Kitty seldom did except for urgent reasons, so early in their vacation, then he would put up with almost anything to make sure they continued to get along. Anything _except_ letting them get away with what they were not wearing. And yet they had maneuvered around him so well he hesitated to take away their victory. But it was not fair to gang up on him like that, showing all that skin and rushing for the door to their room. How was he supposed to grab them and keep them from going outside like that when the only safe skin to grab was their neck? If they had both come at him at the same time, it would have been easy to grab them by the arms, but no, first Di had to rush by wearing a bikini he was sure she had to glue on. How in the hell, exactly, did she wear something that had no sides or back and was only held up by the strap around her neck? And while he was grateful she was not wearing a thong, it barely covered enough to be legal and left nothing to the imagination. Trying to find a safe place to grab her without staring at all the skin blinding him, his attention was drawn to Jubes making a break for it in a string bikini that showed how much she had grown while he had been gone. With his attention divided and focused on none, Di slipped past his fingers and as he became aware of that fact and turned to rein her in, Jubilee put on a burst of speed and raced after Di, both knowing if they got out of the door they had won. Standing in the room with a strangely neutral look on his face, he could only wonder at how Di managed to consistently dodge him and get her own way. If Jubes learned her secret, he would never live it down, much less ever have any kind of control over Jubes' youthful mischief. He decided to give them their last victory, but next time, he'd be damned if womanly skin would stop him from putting his foot down. He hoped. Grabbing his keys and trying not to mutter under his breath about the "fairer" sex, he closed the door behind him and trudged after the women, reminding himself that this had all been his idea. Ironic.

"So let me ask you something, Di." Di pulled her sunglasses back onto her head and turned to Jubilee, squinting into the sun.

"Yeah?"

"Why wouldn't Wolvie tell anyone your name when you first got here?" A smirk tweaked Di's face, pursing her shiny lips.

"Let's just say that I have trust issues. My life has not been all that great, and if the people I should've been able to trust had treated me like a person instead of a meal ticket, then maybe my life would've been a lot happier before I met Logan. But I've learned that in this world, or any other I guess, that when it comes down to it, the only person that can make or break you is yourself. So now I'm a lot wiser and a lot more cautious in whom I give my trust to. Besides, I'd just been brought back from Sinny's grimy hands, so I think he was just playing it safe all around. I think he felt bad that I got grabbed in the first place and didn't want to mess up any more by telling people I don't know all this stuff about me. Which's cute, but totally unnecessary." A slender eyebrow raised on Jubilee's face to provoke an explanation. Di saw it and gave her a look that said Jubilee knew exactly what Di was saying and to stop being coy.

" Considering what I know about your life, let me just ask you something: if you had to choose one person that you trusted completely, would do whatever they asked, no matter how crazy it sounded to you, who would it be? And would you choose that person because they have been the only person that was _really_ there, was the first person to treat you like a valued human being?" Jubilee's wry smile was all the answer she needed before she continued, "That's why I can be friendly and civil and normal with anyone, but I only trust Logan. He showed me what it was like to be normal after I had forgotten for so long." Ancient eyes met ancient eyes in a moment of mutual understanding before Di pulled her sunglasses back down onto her nose.

"I have a question for you? And I'm only asking because I've noticed that not everything I've read in my comic books is completely accurate. But I want to know if you love Logan, and you know what I mean. But I've been curious, because if you are, then he has no clue and I doubt it's even crossed the mind of the others." Jubilee continued to face the sun, but Di could almost see the tension in her body before it disappeared just as quickly.

"Nah. He's hot'n all, but he's too close to family. It'd be like dating my brother or somethin'. It's too bad, though. All the chicks that come and go always seem to rate him all tens." Di burst out laughing at that, sitting up in her chair and taking off her glasses.

"Oh my god, that is so too much information, Jubes! What, do these women just volunteer these judgements on his sexual abilities?"

"Yeah, the whole 'I just did him so that makes us sisters so let's gossip 'cause you gotta know how good he is on his knees.' I mean, after a while I learned to just not be around the morning after unless I wanted some pretty graphic details. Like, you are cool, 'cause you are actually part of the 'Wolvie family', but getting into his pants does not a Loganite make", Jubilee stated sagely while sipping her drink, her finger pointed dramatically in the air.

"Oh, honey, you're missing a grand opportunity! What about blackmail? WHAT about the chance to totally mess with those bimbos after they think they've got him reeled in? _WHAT_ about the chance in a lifetime to see Wolvie actually blush and do that cute thing he does when he scrunches up his nose and snorts through it 'cause he's trying to buy a second or two to think of what to say that sounds all bad-ass?!" Now it was Jubilee's turn to sit up in the chair and wave her arms around animatedly.

"Oh My God, you've actually seen that!? It took me, like, five years to actually do it just once! And I've never been able to get him that good ever again! How did you do it?"

"How did she do what, Darlin'?" Jube's head swung around sharply and her brilliant smile shone through as though made just for him.

"Nuthin' Wolvie. Where you been? I'm starvin'! Can we find some cheeseburgers for dinner? It's been forever since we ate."

"Darlin', it's been three hours. But yeah, I'm sure we can find burgers somewhere. Hungry, Di?" Di shook her head and reclined back out on her chair.

"Naw, I'm in a tanning groove. I'll catch you guys on the way back."

"Ya sure, babe? It's 'bout dinner time. Sun's gonna be gone in 'bout an hour anyway."

"Yeah, no worries. Just enjoying my 'I'm not booby-trapped' prize. Have fun. Oh, and maybe you can pick me up some of those maraschino cherries, the ones with the stems still on them? I got a real craving for them right now." Jubilee watched in amazement as Logan's neck turned bright red and he glared at the back of her head like he wanted to just punch her face in.

"Sure, but I ain't makin' any promises, _Di_." Turning around swiftly and walking away, he missed the open-mouthed stare Jubilee shifted from his back to Di's face. He did not, however, miss Di's very soft laughter.

'_Ooh, Darlin', yer gonna pay fer that. This Canuck's taken just 'bout all he can 'thout fightin' back.'_

Logan walked outside the room and pulled a fresh cigar out of his leather jacket, popping it into his mouth with relief; Jubilee was asleep and he could enjoy it without comment from anyone. He had just lit it and taken a few drags before Di walked out and closed the door quietly, lighter in hand. She pulled a cigarette out from behind her ear and lit it, her first pull from it slow and followed by sigh that billowed the smoke out from her mouth. Logan immediately tried to snatch it from her, but she ducked and cradled it protectively in her hands, baring her teeth at him threateningly.

"Lay off, Logan. It's been two days and I'm gonna smoke this. 'Sides, I never craved these until I met you. Addicted to second hand smoke, ya know. I should thank you, 'cause I never knew what I was missin'." He grunted, not knowing if she was being sarcastic or not and not wanting to ruin his smoking time over it either way. After a few minutes of comfortable silence, he felt the need to say something.

"This vacation ok?" She looked over at him, flicking the ash from her cigarette, her smile one of peaceful content.

"It's been great, Logan. Never had a vacation before, actually. So this was a new thing for me. And I know that I've been giving you a hard time, more than usual, but I've really tried to get to know Jubes. I didn't want her to think I was the enemy and kill me dead. 'Cause we both know she would one way or the other. But it's just been nice to get out and pretend I'm a normal person, even if it's just for this week." He grunted, his version of a non-committal response. She shifted uneasily from one foot to the other, a blush tinting her face ever so slightly.

"Sorry 'bout pulling the cherry card. I know it was low and we never actually talked about it, but at least you sacrificed yourself in the name of girl bonding. It was a big thing to Jubes. Thanks for being such a good guy this week. I've really had a lot of fun. I'm totally ready to go home and play hero or whatever it is that they want me to do." She flicked her cigarette away and stood beside him, wrapping her arm around his waist and leaning her head on his shoulder. They simply listened to the sound of the waves as the pungent aroma of his cigar swirled around them.

"Ya ever regret comin' here?" His voice was gruff and quiet. She lifted her head up, surprise written all over her face.

"No, why would I? You and I both know I woulda died before I hit 18; they wanted my money."

"It ain't exactly been easy here either." She smiled and turned around to stand in front of him, pulling the cigar from his teeth and taking a small puff. Putting it back in his teeth, she leaned back against the railing and blew out the smoke, collecting her thoughts. He crossed his arms and gave her the time. Finally she leaned forward and put her hands on his forearms.

"Logan, even if I have to fight to live in this world, at least here I have people who will help me and care if I live or not. Just with that I'm already ahead. And the fact that I have you to watch my ass and make sure I'm ok at the end of the day, it's the life I used to dream about. C'mon, Logan, would an easy life really be as great as you think it is? Nothing to conquer, nothing to fight for, nothing to lose so that you can appreciate everything else in your life? Nah, this's right where I want to be." Her hands stayed on his forearms for a second longer than necessary, and he looked down at them. She pulled them into her pockets, finding it hard to look him in the eyes, surprising after being so honest with him just a few seconds ago. He took a discrete sniff and was honestly surprised to smell pheromones drifting off of her.

"Darlin'?"

"Yeah?" Her eyes were inspecting an imaginary spot on his shirt.

"Somethin' ya wanna tell me before ya say good night?"

"Besides the stogie I lifted from your jacket? No, not really. You have somethin' you wanna say to me?" Not fooled by her attempt at misdirection, he took another sniff, this one louder and very obvious.

"Well, you may not wanna say nuthin', but yer body's tellin' me somethin' else."  
"Sorry, babe, but I'm too tired to purge my soul right now. So I'm gonna say good night and you can hit me up tomorrow with any questions that I might or might not answer." She turned to head for the door to the room they were all sharing and he grabbed her arms, pulling her tight against his chest. Her hands curled into fists faced inwards and she looked up at him in surprise, her heart hammering in her ears at being so close to him. She could smell the leathery smell of his jacket and what little was left of his cologne at the end of the day.

"Maybe I'll jes figure it out 'nother way then." His head moved towards hers slowly and her eyes widened, a soundless gasp parting her lips. Her fists clenched unconsciously and her eyes closed of their own will. He could hear her heart trying to escape her chest, the sound pounding in his own ears as his lips made contact with hers. And as insane as it sounded in her own mind, her very first thought was, 'my god, his lips are so much softer than I imagined.'

One finger pulling the curtain back less than an inch away from the window, Jubilee's face resembled polished stone.

Jubilee sat looking out the window of the plane, listening to the quiet snores of Di and the not so quiet snores of Logan. She had put much effort into being as cheerful and loudly talkative as any other day, yet inside she felt strangely still. She did partly blame herself; she _had _ told Di that she had no romantic interest in Wolvie. Still, Jubilee could not help feeling like someone had invaded her territory. True, Di was now one of the 'Loganites', but she was the newbie, and as such there were seniorities to respect. She had been there first, so she felt entitled to first pick of him. It would have been so easy to simply hate her for letting Wolvie make a move on her, yet she genuinely liked Di. Di was an old soul inside a younger body, and it was a comfort to have someone that understood her around. Jubilee had no delusions that to everyone else at the mansion, and Wolvie to a certain extent, she was still a child, and even when she did become older, she would have to fight for recognition of that fact. Di was accepted as older simply because of her sufferings, and Di's own decision to let her childhood go. Where Di wanted to forget and move on, Jubilee wanted to get a few more years out of it before standing on her own as an adult. However, even though she still wanted to play pretend at being a child for a while, she still deserved the chance to be with Logan before Di. She looked over at Di's sleeping face, noticing that even in sleep, Di was not completely relaxed. She doubted most people would notice, but there was a certain rigidity to her body, as if ready to wake and respond in a second to anything. Yes, she and Di were two women in the same situation, and even though they took two different paths, she hoped they could remain friends after… Well, she was going to have to confront Di. She owed her that much; a fair warning was only honorable. If necessary, she would fight for the rights to Wolvie, but she hoped Di would see the situation from her view and realize the fairness of it.

If she did not, Jubilee intended to pound the knowledge into her broken bones.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: They're not mine; I only have words to give. I'm just taking these wonderful characters and playing with them, wishing they were real.

I have to admit, I thought there was something strange about Jubes the day we left to go home. Which is amazing, 'cause I was floating so much I could barely feel my feet, much less notice if other people even existed. But as that day went on, it was a whole buncha little things I noticed that started to add up to one not right friend. I mean, she was helluh quiet. Now, maybe she was like me and really did not want to go home, but quiet for that girl is a Friday night at a bar for the average person, so when she's quiet, it's hard not to notice. And on the plane, I'd snoozing off and on, and several times… You can feel when someone's staring at you, kinda like a tingle on the back of your head. Well, I had tingle from the top of my head all the way down my back. Something was bothering her, and my money was on Logan. The problem is, I knew damn well she would never admit it if I brought it up, so I figured I'd let her come to me. And if she let it fester, then I'd bring it up. Even though I've been reading about Jubes for years, obviously there's so much more to a person than can be put on paper. And knowing all the little things I'd learned over our vacation, I knew I'd done something. Which worried the hell outta me; catfights over men never end up with the women still talking afterwards and I really did not want to lose Jubes. Even though I'd spent all my teenage years angsting over Logan, then secretly loving him once I actually met him in person, none of that is worth losing 1 friend. I'd gone too long without, and it was one of the things in life that I treasure most. So I spent most of the plane ride back thinking the situation over. Or perhaps I was just trying to resign myself to the possibility of giving up Logan before I even got a chance to have him. Because the more I thought about it, the less I saw myself having any right to fight for him. Jubes had known him for years, been there alongside him when no one else had, and I was the new chick. So, as much as I had always wanted him, I knew it was the right thing to do. God, I hate being such a good person.

As soon as we got home, I disappeared. I needed space to think. And a cigarette like you wouldn't believe. So I headed into the woods, just wandering around while I thought. See, I have this theory about soul mates. I believe in them absolutely. I believe that every person has a soul mate. That there is one person in the world that is the perfect person to share your life with. But here's the catch, and what I had to admit after a few hours of painfully honest philosophizing. Just because I have a soul mate does not necessarily mean I am that person's soul mate. What if my soul mate was a woman, and hers was another man? So both Jubilee and I could be in love with Logan, but only one of us could be his soul mate, if it was even one of us at all. Which is all nice and ironic, but it still did nothing to help my case. No matter how I looked at it, the only right thing to do was wait and see if Jubilee could make Logan happy. So that wonderful, mind-blowing kiss I had with Logan, that moment of feeling like I was in the right place at the right time and I finally knew honest happiness, that was it. I had to let that go and accept the fact that Logan was off limits. So the next question was, what the hell would I do with my time? I needed a reason to limit my time with him, as his nose would still pick up my attraction no matter how much I would try to pretend it didn't exist. Maybe I could go to college? No, that would sound lame, what with me always worried about being snatched by Sinister. But I had to come up with some way to stay away, or it would just be very awkward. If it were I, I would feel uneasy starting a relationship if my potential rival was always around. So basically, I had decided to leave my new home. Maybe I could just live in town and get a regular job; maybe I'd have to go farther. But I was leaving. Soon as Jubes and I had a talk. My feet found their way back to the house on their own, and in my heart I felt a little tiny bit of hope that I was wrong. Maybe she didn't feel that way about him and none of that would be necessary. I knew that hope would be hard to let go of, but only a masochist would have willingly killed hope. I dare you to judge me for it.

In my room I was unpacking my suitcase when I felt someone else was there. Imagine my very big lack of surprise when I find Jubilee at my door removing the sticker she had put there when I first arrived. I admit that her tiny gesture hurt, hurt because I knew I was now considered the enemy. She was prepared for a fight when I had already given up. Maybe she deserved him more; I wasn't even going to fight for him.

"I'm all stiff from the plane, feel up to D. R. time?" Her casual tone hid so much, and yet she knew I would see right through it. That made my stomach drop and I felt cold all over; how easily the Loganites fall. I had been stripped of my family in her eyes and become a stranger all in one sentence. I could tell that she had worked herself into frenzy by the force with which she popped her gum; she intended to wipe the floor with my ass and teach me lessons on Logan etiquette. No way was I going to let her go on thinking I was a monster. I had to let her know I had good intentions. She wouldn't actually think about my words then, but when we were both in the infirmary after, then I hoped it would make sense to her.

"Ok, but we need to talk about Wolvie after. I'll be leaving here soon." Jubilee nodded at me automatically, as if she had actually heard what I had said.

"I'll meet you in five minutes." 

Now, I know you are probably dying to know who kicked whose ass, listen to each of us shout that we loved him, and see our tears as we came to an understanding.

I'll leave that to your imaginations; some things are too personal to share with anyone.

Suffice to say, I hate being right. I hate being right about her love for him, that she fought hard for him and that she hurt me like I haven't been hurt in a long time. I hate being right when I figured that she hadn't listened to what I had told her until after, that she realized I was trying to tell her I wouldn't fight her right to try and make him happy. And I hated letting go of that last little ray of hope that I wouldn't have to leave. But I had to. We hid out in an unused bedroom, stitching each other up and disinfecting cuts, never speaking a word. All the words had been said before, and once we left the room, our friendship would be intact. But right then we were saying goodbye to each other, as neither of us knew when we would see the other again. I only had one more stop to make before I left and then I would be alone. I did have one consolation in that whole mess. Of all the people in the world that I had ever met, this one or my home world, only three would understand how much I was giving up; I would once again be alone and on my own, cut off from everything I had been lucky enough to get. Jubilee was one of those people. Her eyes told me just how much she appreciated exactly what I was giving up, and she was grateful. Grateful that someone cared enough about what she wanted to give something up, to give the chance to be happy to her instead of selfishly holding onto it. I just hoped for a kharmic check in return.

"Come in, Di."

"Thank you, Professor. I do not want to appear ungrateful, but will be leaving today."

"Do you have any ideas for where you will going or what you will do?"

"No, I guess I'll just wander until I find a good town. I assume you know why I'm leaving and I wish I could have stayed, but this's just how things have to be. I honestly don't know if I'll be back."

"I can guess why you feel compelled to leave and I know your intentions are in the right place, but have you considered simply living in town instead of going far away? You and I both know you will be running from your feelings, and I see no reason why you can't work through them here as opposed to parts far away."

"I…I can't. It's too close, too many reminders of what I'm trying to forget, and I'm sure Jubilee would agree. It'd be too easy for Logan to visit all the time, and that kinda defeats what I'm trying to do."

"Nevertheless, I hope you will always consider this a home, a place you can always run to. And just for my own personal piece of mind, I insist you take a communicator. Just in case. How are you getting to the airport?"

"It's only about 7 miles to town, and I'll catch a cab from there to the airport, figure out where I'm going. I think I have enough to go just about anywhere, and then I can get a job and I should be just fine."  
"Are you sure you would not rather have a vehicle to drive in? At least allow me to help you on your way."

"No, I'm ok. Although, if my prospective employer calls for references, could I list you as one?"

"By all means, my dear. I hope you find what you are looking for, and maybe a little peace as well."

"Thank you professor. That's all I've ever wanted."

I must admit, as I was walking down the country road away from the mansion, that I felt a little bit of bitterness towards life. Who wouldn't? And just like I used to before I met Logan, I closed off a part of myself, the one that thought too much. Hopes, dreams were no longer important, only surviving. At least I was well practiced at living this way; it was something that was second nature to me by now. Just as in my childhood, I do not remember much, how I decided where to go, if I slept in a bed or on a parkbench, I was just motivated by the knowledge in the back of my mind that I had to hide; Logan was hunting for me. Would it hurt him that I had left with no reason and no goodbye? I could only imagine. But at least in the end I would hopefully be the only real loser in this deal. Enough of my whining, though. Logan would not be an easy one to avoid, so in the beginning I only worked in a town for a few months before moving to another state. Eventually I settled in Montana in the middle of nowhere, working as a hand at some ranch. It was hard work, which kept my mind off things. But the other hands were good guys, ready to drag any knowledge of someone in the mud for a good laugh, always willing to lend a hand, and the most dependable people I had met. It was enough for me to get comfortable and somewhat happy with my life. And when all you are trying to do is survive, comfortable and somewhat happy is as good as it gets. I probably could have lived out the rest of my life there, perhaps marrying one of the hands and settling down with a kid or two. Yet, in retrospective, I really should have seen it coming. Seen something coming at the very least, even though all of my guesses would have been miserably shy. My life in Montana would be very short lived and would end violently. Figures.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: They're not mine; I only have words to give. I'm just taking these wonderful characters and playing with them, wishing they were real.

I am not going to tell you my story from my point of view for a while. The stuff that you're going to learn, it's difficult for people to read, and it didn't even happen to them. So I hope you'll understand why I can't talk about it. What you're about to read, this is the stuff I have nightmares about every night, have since it happened. Don't think they'll ever really go away, either. Maybe that's just as well, it helps me remember that when things go bad for a while, it's nothing compared to _that_. I won't even be around for the next few chapters; I'm gonna go get a bottle of whiskey and get drunk until I throw up. Sounds like no fun and probably a really dumb-ass thing to do, but it's better than sitting around with my thumb up my ass thinking about those years. You are so lucky you don't see that shit in fuckin' H D surround sound like I do every night. That's it…Where's my cigarettes? I'm gonna go smoke a fuckin' cigarette and I gotta brand new bottle of Captain Morgan's callin' my name. Shit, man, I got some Apple Pucker, too. I'll start off light and then and finish with the Morgan. Man, I hope I pass out quick. Added bonus, when I'm drunk, I don't dream, or at least I don't know if I did. So you go, and I'm gonna get shit-faced. Have fun. I'm gonna go earn me a hangover, and when I feel better, then I'll talk to you.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: They're not mine; I only have words to give. I'm just taking these wonderful characters and playing with them, wishing they were real.

Di awoke from a dead sleep with a feeling of dread that would not be shaken. Pulling on her jeans and grabbing her zippo lighter, she lit a lantern and slipped out of the bunker, careful not to awaken any of the other guys. Walking softly around the back of the bunker and heading for the main house, she could see moving beams of lights in the windows, but they were definitely not lamps or fan lights. Someone was sneaking around the house. She let herself into the back door and crept thru the kitchen, watching for any more flashlights. Abandoning the lantern and grasping her unopened switchblade, she felt with her powers to see how many people were in the house. Twelve, including the owners and their 16 year old daughter, which made 9 hostile. Definitely not a regular robbery. A scream cemented her opinion and she slipped up the banister quickly, only to have a handful of flashlights shine on her halfway up. Instantly she leapt up to the level of the flashlights, preparing to use her powers to disable everyone before she could be identified, but all of her plans meant for nothing when a man who was obviously the leader brought out the daughter. She was blindfolded and tied at the hands and feet. The leader was an enormous man; he dragged her across the wood flooring as if she weighed nothing. He nodded to another man and the wife was brought out. She was naked and terrified, neither tied nor blindfolded. The poor woman's eyes were glued to her daughter, tears pouring out.

"This is very simple: we take you, no one dies. You refuse or need time to think about it, the mother dies, then the daughter." The body of her employer being thrown out into the hallway punctuated his raspy voice. Also naked, his throat had been slit and his unseeing eyes stared at the ceiling. The wife silently cried around the hand covering her mouth, her eyes shut tight to keep the sight out.

"This's your only chance to decide. Do it quickly." Di nodded and dropped her switchblade, putting her hands in the air. The leader dropped the wife and in the same motion aimed his gun at Di, shooting her with a tranquilizer. Di hit the floor before she felt the dart puncture her skin.

Jubilee and Logan sat at their tree, simply enjoying the others' presence. Eventually Logan pulled her into his lap and wrapped his arms around her, her scent reassuring him.

"Logan?" He looked down at her, his gaze open and curious.

"I… I'm ready. I want to sleep with you tonight." His face became concerned and somewhat pleading.

"Are ya sure, Darlin'? Ya know there's no hurry. Ya just turned 18 not too long ago."

"Logan, I've been waiting for this for a while. Yes, I'm ready." She straddled his waist and kissed him softly, the feel of his arms squeezing her no less thrilling than the first time. He kissed her back, letting her set the pace at first. He let the smell of her excitement, her arousal, and her own unique scent flood over his senses. And he knew the exact moment her body kicked into overdrive; a second later her lips became insistent and aggressive. His growled into her mouth, taking over and dominating. Careful to control his passion and not let his instincts take over, he forcefully pushed the beast to the back of his mind to let the man mark his woman. He rolled her onto her back, kissing along her jaw and down her neck. Her hands pulled his shirt urgently over his head and when he lifted his head up to let her pull it off, he looked at her with such honesty and love that she felt tears spring into her eyes. Knowing it was her first time, they went slowly and softly. He listened to every sigh and moan with masculine pride and explored her body with a reverent hand and tongue, and only when she was begging for what she knew not did he finally gather in his arms and join her as she became a woman. How many times she called his name she knew not, but when she lay exhausted and tingling in his arms, her body heated by his skin under her, she looked up at the sky and wondered if Di was happy where she was. Jubilee sincerely hoped so; she owed her happiness to her.

Time had long since stopped meaning anything, except to be marked by periods of pain. Her world no longer knew reason or thought, only pain and sleep. Dreams, friends, wants, desires, the capital of Uganda, none of it could be remembered, if it was ever really known. Her own name was merely a word that sometimes flittered through her mind like an invisible butterfly, and often she did not know the word had any significance at all. The only background of her life had become concrete walls and people in white coats. They picked up her unresponsive body and took her to places of pain, then threw her back in the sleeping place. In later years, she would be hard pressed to remember any one specific memory of that place. Yet she knew when things started to change. Sleeping periods became longer and the pain ones shorter. Her thoughts would actually connect with one another, and she remembered her name. She remembered a pair of blue eyes that always seemed angry, yet were gentle if you looked past it. Claws, shiny and unbeatable. Black hair, almond eyes, and a sadness she could not explain. These were the things she remembered during her sleep. Things that were hers, yet she felt no attachment to, no reaction beyond the clinical. Maybe she did not want to remember. Yet there were times when she would feel sorrow and despair that had nothing to do with what was happening to her, had everything to do with the Before, and she could never remember why. Just the feeling that as bad as the Now was, it was infinitely better than the Before. So she never thought of leaving. She hid in the Now, where thought was vague and undefined, where memory was just a word, hiding from something unknown and yet known to be a pit of the blackest depression.

Jubilee waved wildly out of the side of the Jeep as they took off, all their meager possessions in the back, tied down by hundreds of feet of rope. All the other residents stood on the front porch and waved them goodbye, a few with tears in their eyes.

"Well, I guess that's that." Scott looked down on his wife and kissed her forehead.

"They'll be back. They'll miss the excitement." Jean was quiet as the others all went back inside.

"No, they won't. Those two are determined to live a life without the hazards of an X-Man. This's been coming for so long that they aren't willing to let anything get in the way of it. No, I don't think we'll be seeing them for a very long time."

"I hope you're wrong. With Di up and disappeared, those two now gone, this house is going to be very quiet and dull. Who knows? Maybe Di'll come home." Jean smiled at her husband's optimism, a side he did not show often.

"Well, I know Hank would be very happy. He seems to miss her almost as much as Logan does. Do you think we'll ever know why she left? I mean, it's obvious that it had something to do with Jubilee, because she'll never answer any straight questions about it. Do you think they fought over Logan and Jubilee won?"

"I think we'll never know because if they didn't tell Logan, then they won't tell anybody else. We'll just have to hope for the best."

"Meaning?" Scott sighed, a tired sound that rattled slightly coming out.

"Meaning I hope Di's ok."

Hiding in her mind, letting vague thoughts come together and try to form complete ones, she was brought abruptly to consciousness by a line of fire down her chest that had her eyes popping open and a scream right behind it. When her eyes finally made contact with her head, she wished dearly she had kept them closed. A doctor was using a scalpel to cut into her chest, and she was very, very sure they had not given her anything for the pain. Her limbs strained against the restraints and she barely acknowledged the gag shoved into her mouth; she kept on screaming anyway. She watched her blood billow out of the lengthening line cut down her chest, wishing to any God that was listening that she could look away from the sight of being cut into. When the doctor reached the end of her rib cage and began sinking into the soft flesh of her belly, her wish was granted as her head strained backwards in an instinctive desire to get away from the pain. Horrible sounds, alternating between moaning and screaming, came out from behind the gag, rendering her as communicative as any other animal tested on in the name of science. Her hands twitched uncontrollably as sections of her skin were peeled back to reveal things that were never meant to see the light of day, as they were prodded and pushed out of the way to reveal other organs. Then, they starting cutting.

Pain. So much pain that she wished for unconsciousness, so much that her mind was unable to shut down. What they were doing to her, she did not know or care. Words and thoughts could not be formed, only the screaming that she heard. The screaming coming from her, whether from her mind or from her mouth was unimportant, had become a constant, something to focus on, to pass the time, to use to try and drown out the hurt. No, hurt she could have dealt with. White, hot fire all over that did not end anywhere; so hot she could practically see it behind her closed eyes. Her mind tried to escape it, retreating further back, as far back as it could go, yet the pain was everywhere, inescapable. In her desperation, her mind did the only thing it could; it broke. And somewhere deep inside where it had been trapped, held back by the sheer amount of pain overloading every synapse in her brain, her anger surged forth and radiated outwards until it seemed to be the only thought, the only feeling, the only option, and the only action possible.

The doctor stopped writing on his clipboard, his notes momentarily forgotten as he noticed a glow coming from the stasis tube where they were healing her from their latest series of tests. And by tests they meant autopsy. He approached the tube, surprised to see her eyes open, more surprised when they focused on him. This had never happened before. Her body had always shut down once immersed in the tube; her injuries had required all her higher functions cease while the body tried to heal itself. It should have been impossible for her to be conscious. But she was, and if the look in her eyes was any indication, she was either mad, or the other kind of mad. His throat swallowed convulsively before he remembered that she was not capable of breaking out of stasis and he needed to note this for further study. He resumed his writing, looking down briefly to log the instrumental readings. And promptly dropped his clipboard. She was not only conscious, she was warming up her powers. Which, while they had been modified and experimented on extensively, were not ready for implementation yet. If she tried to use them, it was entirely likely she would inadvertently kill herself. He sprinted to the other end of her tube and hiked up the amount of sedatives to the very limit he could use, hoping they subdued her in time. As the glow coming from the tube started to illuminate outside the tube, he backed up and spun on his heel, heading for the emergency button on the wall, wondering why it was on the other side of the room. He never made it. And the last thing he saw before his body was torn apart atom by atom was the light coming from her eclipsing everything in his vision. And in that second, he knew true fear for himself and the rest of the world.

The explosion was unusual, to say the least. While it could be seen from space as a point of light, there was no shock wave, no wind, and no sound. Light in the shape of a half circle formed over the compound and its' surroundings for miles, then suddenly disappeared. Where once there had been trees and life and water, suddenly only earth remained. The only indication that anything had happened was the mysterious malfunctioning of every electronic machine for hundreds of miles beyond the circle. Not to mention the fact that every animal in that radius suddenly went crazy, howling or acting peculiar.

At his cabin, Logan suddenly went to his knees with his hands pressed to his ears as blood burst out from in-between his fingers. A roar escaped him at the pressure he felt inside his head, a roar that abruptly faded as he realized the pressure was gone, as though it had never been. Jubilee came rushing to him from the bedroom, dropping to her knees and grabbing his arms.

"Logan, what's wrong! What is it?!" She helped him stand up, checking him for visible injuries as he waited for his eardrums to reform inside his ears.

"Somethin's wrong. I know that sound. That's Di! She blew my eardrums the last time she used her powers. Jubes, we gotta find her." Nodding, she grabbed the keys to their Jeep and tossed them to him, following him out the door.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: They're not mine; I only have words to give. I'm just taking these wonderful characters and playing with them, wishing they were real.

Speeding down roads that were considered highways in the isolated parts of Canada but were in reality merely dirt roads with grass still growing in-between the ruts, Logan could only think about reaching her. His pain when she had left with no word, no explanation, had been intense. It was unlike her, and it had been hard not to blame himself, even harder to not assume he had done something to cause her to run. And while he knew Jubilee was aware of her reasons, she was also not telling him. It had almost ended their friendship, but somehow they had moved past it. While a part of him would always hurt over what seemed a rejection, he had largely put it past him. And now, in the middle of nowhere, on his honeymoon of all things, Di was showing up. Jubilee's face was hard to read, her scent full of too many emotions to be separated from one another. It was hard not to dread what was ahead of him, as he was fairly sure Di had left over him, but he had missed her. While a man, and not usually one for deep thinking, it did not take much to connect the dots and guess that Jubilee was nervous. Wanting to relieve her anxiousness, he took her hand and squeezed it.

"I love ya babe. She'll be ok. We'll find her." Jubilee smiled tightly, trying not to feel guilty, and consequently angry for feeling guilty when she knew she had no reason to be guilty. She really had no idea how she felt; she was worried her friend was in trouble, but the insecure part of her was worried that Logan would take one look at Di and regret his choice of mates. Not wanting to make herself sick, she chose to simply trust her husband and her heart, which told her that he would never leave her. And then tried not to think about it.

He slammed on the brakes and sniffed deeply, exploding out of the Jeep and darting off into the woods. Jubilee sprinted after him, her fingers itching to explode in plasma. A scream split the air and she saw Logan surge forward for a few hundred feet before stopping on a dime. Unable to stop so quickly, she was about to plow into him when he turned around and caught her, his face almost panicked.

"Jubes, I need you to stay here. I don't smell anybody else here, but I think she's freakin' out. 'N the whole forest doesn't feel right. I want you to stay here where it's safe." He kissed her hard before disappearing. All her fears seemed to rise up in her throat and choke the breath out of her chest. Telling herself that she hadn't actually agreed to stay, she moved quietly in the direction he had gone. Chills went down her spine as she realized it was easy to hear him because all of the millions of sounds that normally fill a forest were gone. The woods were completely silent, as if everything had died and only the trees were left. She could see light up ahead and headed for it, slowing down as she saw it was not light but a huge area of barren land. Creeping to the edge of the woods, she could see it appeared to be a circle where the trees just stopped, some actually cut in half where an invisible line went through them. And in that circle was Logan, slowly approaching Di. Jubilee gasped as she saw that Di was completely naked on the ground, her body shaking as though she was having a seizure. Logan growled loudly in his throat, his eyes leaking tears as he saw the fresh stitches holding her skin together. He waited for her body to relax as it always had when he growled, but she continued to jerk and shake uncontrollably.

"Di, it's me, Logan. Don't kill me, Darlin', I just wanna help you git outta here. You look pretty rough and I'ma take care o' ya. Jubes's with me and I know she'll be worried if I don't show up with you pretty soon, so jes let me take ya outta here, ok?" He inched closer to her until he could kneel down next to her, pulling a fist into his hands and rubbing his thumb on the underside of her wrist. Abruptly she stopped convulsing and relaxed completely with an explosive sigh. He sniffed to make sure she was still alive and tore off his shirt, wrapping it around her and lifting her easily into his arms. His heart lifted beyond measure when she instinctively curled into his body, burrowing her face into his neck. Noting how thin and bony she was, he turned and headed for the edge of the trees, his sharp eyes spotting Jubilee instantly. When he reached her and Jubilee got a good look at Di, she instantly began crying. Inside Logan agreed, but they still had to get her to the cabin.

"C'mon, babe. She'll be ok to git home, and then we'll call the mansion and have them pick us up. I think she'll be ok. Then we'll find out who did this to her and kill the fuckers."

"Um, not to point out the obvious, but I think she already did, Logan. How else did the total lack of forest happen?", she pointed out between sobs. "Oh God, how could someone do this to her?! It looks like they just cut her open and sewed her back shut. Oh God, what else did they do to her?!" He grunted, not wanting to discuss the possibility that there was no one left to kill, and set a quick pace back to the Jeep. A pace hard enough to keep him from thinking of all the possibilities of what else they could have done to her. All they way to the Jeep, his only thought was to get her home, get her to the mansion, Beast could fix her when he got her home. Together they got her in the back seat and covered with a blanket and sped off home.

Her eyes opened and at first she thought she was still in That Place. Then her mind woke up and remembered what she had done and she sat up straight in bed, hearing it creak underneath her. She froze and listened for any sounds around her, any sign someone had heard her, and was relieved to hear none. Looking around her, she saw the pictures of Jubilee and Logan at their wedding and it brought back all the memories she had been hiding from in the Now. Seeing the rustic (furniture made out of logs) style of room she was in, it became immediately clear just who's house she was in. Cursing her bad luck in every language she could think of at the moment, she slowly eased herself out of the bed and inched to the window. Her sole purpose was to escape, to remove herself from this horribly awkward situation. So tunneled was her thinking that the possibility of Jubilee being worried by her disappearance never crossed her mind; Jubilee had her life with Logan now, and she was not supposed to be part of it, so she had to run. Besides, she needed time to process what had been done to her, time to get used to her new powers and heal her torn body. She shuddered inside to think of the horrible scars she must have; it was possible she would not be able to go out in public without people staring. All of that could wait until she got away and had space. She needed space. Leaving the window open- to close it was an unnecessary risk- she looked around for any sign that Logan was outside before walking quietly away. Every nerve in her body was screaming for her to run, but there was no way Logan could NOT hear that, and so she took careful, even steps for what seemed hours before she estimated she was nearly a half mile away from the cabin. Only then did she risk running. And then she ran as if Death itself were behind her. Ran without any direction, only choosing the path of least resistance that seemed to be in front of her. Only when her legs were shaking and her throat was burning like acid did she slow down to a walk. She had to keep going, had to get away, and she knew how persistent he could- would be when he discovered she was gone. Besides, if she stopped to rest, she doubted she would be able to get up again.

All that mattered was protecting herself, including her dignity. What little she thought she still had, anyway.

With no money, no way to prove her identity, no food, she did the only thing she could. She hitched rides, stole food, clothes, anything to survive. And slowly, she made her way to New York. She had no where else to go, and she could only hope they were not there. If they were…well, there was something she would deal with if she had to, when the time came. But she prayed for that one little mercy in a life that had so far shown her none. The miles served to harden her, made her aware of her need to be with people, and every once in a while, showed her that there were still good people in the world. Not many, but enough to keep hope in her heart. Hope that if complete strangers would help her, then the people who had tried to be a family to her would not turn her away. As the miles wound down, however, she became more anxious and apprehensive that they would not understand why she had to leave. It would probably sound silly and juvenile to them, would not understand why it was a matter of honor to her and to Jubilee, who she knew was never taken truly seriously by anyone. The more her mind worried over it, the less it seemed to her that they would welcome her back with open arms. Yet she had no where to go, and the only ones who could obtain copies of her identity were there. She decided to hide at first and gauge the situation before deciding either way whether to show herself. If she had to, she could sneak in and get the information she needed without ever having to intrude on them. But she hoped she could be welcomed back to the only place left in this world she had to ever call home.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: They're not mine; I only have words to give. I'm just taking these wonderful characters and playing with them, wishing they were real.

This takes places after Gambit comes back from Antarctica, just don't rip me for not following the comics too closely; this IS a.u., after all.

The first good memory I have after destroying That Place is Gambit. I had been hiding out in the attic for about a day when he found me. How, I don't know; I swear I was helluh careful and no one else had caught on, not even the security system. Although, I think the security system actually logged me as an authorized person to be there, and so no one actually stopped to notice whom exactly was there, as generally people only care when it's someone who's not supposed to be there. Anyway, Gambit caught me sneaking back up into the attic after grabbing food- hey, it was 2 a.m. and that's usually a pretty safe time to hit the fridge because the only person who would possible still be awake was Beast, but I knew his habits from the Before, and he did not strike me as a person to change them unless he had to! Or, in other words, he works until someone drags him out, so he was a safe bet. So, not my fault. I so did not want to get caught and it wasn't one of those Freudian things where I subconsciously did or whatever. But back to the point, Gambit followed me into the attic and about gave me a heart attack when he asked me if there was enough to share. Now, I always liked Gambit, but I had just never had the opportunity to get to know him better, or at all, so I had no idea if he would be mad at me sneaking in. Would he rat me out, I would have bet all the money in the world on no. But that didn't mean he wouldn't kick me out on my ass. So you can imagine my surprise when he didn't, and was relieved that I was ok. He actually gave me a hug, but I think that was a sly way of seeing how skinny I was. And I know I was skinny; it's hard to steal food these day when there are no more road side stands and grocery stores are impossible with all the cameras in them. So, I was starving and had been for some time, and I don't think either of us cared if I wasn't the most polite person in the world in my eating decorum. I stuffed my face and ate until it hurt, and then had to convince him not to get more. And of course, being the not thinking person that I had been since leaving That Place, I forgot that full stomachs make you very sleepy. So he snuck me down to his room and slept on the floor while I took his bed. Hey, it was the first bed I had been in for almost six months, and I felt no guilty what so ever in taking it. It wasn't like I had money for a motel or anything, and when you hitch hike, sleeping and leaving yourself vulnerable to a stranger was something even i in my non-thinking knew not to do. The really cool thing, the thing that helped me the most, is that he continued to hide me. I was a little shaky on my people feet, and too many at one time would have been more than I could handled. And with Rogue dating Joseph, I really don't think he was all that inclined to leave either, what with me being a good excuse to rationalize it to himself. So, we hid for about a week or so, and even though it was hard to live in one room with a man, it got easier every day. He was the perfect gentleman and let me use the bathroom first, but I think by the third day of me using all the hot water he figured he had babied me enough and he started sneaking in first.

And we talked. I didn't want to go out yet, so I had nothing to do all day but stare at his walls. We talked about me, and I told him everything. He agreed, well, maybe not agreed with my way of handling everything, but at least he understood why I ran away from everything. Why I felt I had to leave every good thing Logan had ever given me. And even if no one else could, at least he understood, really and truly appreciated the delicate situation I had found myself in, and had dealt with the best I could. Never once did he judge me or even suggest that I could have done things differently, because what good what that do me now?

Eventually the talk turned to him, and that's when I found out about the trial. I had known it was coming, but were are many, many details left out in the comics, and this was coming from his viewpoint. Very different from what I was expecting, not to mention the hurt that seemed to vibrate off him. Betrayal I know, and it is something that you never really get over. Forgiveness is possible, but forgetting is not. And I doubted he would ever forget the act of betrayal by the one person supposed to care about him above all others. Her moving on so quickly was not helping him to forgive either, let me tell ya. He was just one big ball of hurt feelings and people seemed a little slow to notice that much less make with the hugging and sharing of comfort foods. Not that he would have accepted, but that was entirely beside the point. So we spent seven days bitching about the bitchiness of life and how she always seemed to be PMSing when it came to us. Hey, I got him to laugh over that one, and it was the first time I had ever made him laugh, so let me feel proud of that, OK? Anyway, after a week, we both decided I just needed to take my chances and let the rest of the house know I was alive. As much as I'm sure he was craving his privacy, he assured me I could always hide in his room; we both knew there would be questions and examinations and testing of my powers, and it made me claustrophobic just to think about it. But knowing I had a place to run to for quiet and for safe company, a place where I could just sit with someone and think without having to necessarily offer up conversation as an admission price, that made it more bearable. So we went to sleep that last night knowing the next day would be very… interesting.

When I said interesting, I meant… well, it had its' ups and downs. When I woke up that morning Remy asked me how I wanted to go about letting everyone know I was alive and well. I wanted to see Hank first, as he has always been one of my favorites, and I had missed him the most. So I walked into his lab, not surprised to see that he barely noticed the door opening. So I stood there for a minute, until it sunk into his head that whoever had entered had not said anything for a few minutes. He took a quick sniff to see who it was, he does that when he's busy and is trying to decide if he's going to blow someone off or not (I didn't tell you anything because he has not told me that) and promptly dropped his test tube. Ignoring the spill on his floor, he spun around and pushed off the table, landing in front of me in less than a second. Grabbing me around the waist and spinning me around in a circle, he squeezed me gently- thank god considering how freakin' strong he is.

"You're back, you're back, you're back!!! I've missed you so much, Di!! I can't believe you're home, I'm so glad you're home, let's go see everyone , do they know you're home?! Oh, who cares, let's go see them and let them know YOU'RE BACK!!!!" Tossing me over his shoulder, he bounded through the door and soon had us in the kitchen, bouncing me on his hard shoulder the entire way. Not having eaten yet, this really wasn't going over all that well with my stomach, so it took me a second to realize we were actually in the kitchen; I was just making sure my stomach was still in my belly and not my nose or something. So imagine the totally graceful entrance I did _not_ make into their lives after a few years of not knowing if I was alive or not, then finding out something horrible had happened to me, myself disappearing before they could get to me, and then popping into their kitchen months later like nothing had happened. That's not the way I meant it, but I'm sure that must have been what they thought. Not that I was like, noticing or anything, but Rogue's spoon hovered in front of her nose for a second or two and Scott dropped his toast into his lap. Right before he also tossed me into the air and spun me around. Thank god my stomach was empty or else I'd have tossed something by then. So the next second I'm the center of a big group hug and surprise, surprise the questions are flying and oh, the hugging. Just so ya know, hugging is a great way to lose a couple inches off the waist, 'specially if one of the people hugging you has super strength. Once everyone started calming down and asking questions in a more orderly fashion, it started to get a little tense. Everyone was starting to feel stuff other than surprise and relief at seeing me alive and OK, and it was the time for explanations. And as much as I wish I could have had Gambit to lean on and possibly hide me from some of the anger that was directed at me more than once that morning, I did owe these people answers and the time to vent their anger borne from worry. And while no one was satisfied with my evasion of certain questions, I think the fact that I answered everything else as honestly as I could showed them that I wasn't exactly hiding things, just that some shit needed to remain private. So by noon, I was ordered to a physical with Hank that afternoon and a consultation with Charles afterwards, with a D. R. session the next morning to test my new, ill-gotten powers. The physical was the easiest by far. A little poke and prod was no big deal, which was a big change from the first time I was Hank's patient. I think that saddened him a great deal, but he hid it well. I did a great job of cheering him up by asking for my sucker, and that's when he showed me a stash of suckers he had kept all those years in case I was ever found. He'd kept it in a box wrapped in paper and bound with a ribbon, and once I saw the suckers in that box I admit I cried. It was the first present I had received in many years, and the fact that it was candy had nothing to do with the fact that it was the most thoughtful thing someone had done for me. It was proof that I had a connection to someone, and that was priceless. I think I alarmed him because he thought his present upset me; men are so adorable when they try to console a crying female without having a clue as to how. But the hug was good enough for me to get a grip on the waterworks, and once I explained why it happened, he actually seemed pleased. Like making a girl cry was flattering. Scientists. I wanted to ask about the results from the physical, but he quickly shooed me away and reminded me of my appointment with Charles. I think he wanted to wait for his test tubes to talk to him or something first; maybe he didn't want to tell me until he had the whole picture. And perhaps some time to mourn the loss of something on my part. Fuck, I've lost so much I've become numb to it, but I understand how this could be hard for others.

So my talk with Charles was pretty predictable. Token probing, discussion of what memories I had of That Place, expression of his concern over my lack of emotional trauma. See, I wasn't huddling in a corner sucking my thumb and that concerned him. Because so many others had fallen apart under traumatic situations, I guess it was considered a normal human reaction, or lack of reaction depending on how you look at it. So the fact that I wasn't or hadn't was a cause for worry. Honestly, did these guys forget I'd been living with trauma since I was a teenager? Maybe I was just better at dealing with it, had found the best way to do so for me, and maybe I was just better at ignoring everything other than survival. But I didn't appreciate the very subtle suggestion that I was not handling my experiences as I should have. I'm sorry, but when was Charles appointed the end-all of human depth? If I choose to deal with my issues in a way that is unconventional (running away and licking my wounds until I can put it past me) then that is my choice and fuck anybody who tries to make me feel guilty about it. Don't get my wrong, Charles is a good guy and means well, but sometimes he forgets that he doesn't know everything. Maybe he has a little bit of a god complex or some shit. So I got the hell outta there the first chance I got, and the only chore left wasn't until the next day, and that was gonna be easy as hell with all the knowledge stuffed in my head. Heading straight for Gambit's room, I wasn't really surprised to find him there, probably waiting for me. I guess I was still a little pissed about my talk with Charles, because he offered me a cigarette and opened his window, disappearing. I followed him up to the roof and he lit it for me as soon as I sat down. After a few drags I started to feel better, not to mention the head spins I was getting. Damn, I had missed my cigarettes!

"Charles be preachy to my petite, non?"

"Yeah. Guess the fact that I'm not a Dionysis-shaped puddle on the floor means that I am not dealing with all the shit that they did to me. Maybe I should have a mid-life crisis, try to get a Beamer out of him and he'll be convinced of my mental veracity."

"Maybe you get deux 'n give one to Remy, hahn? Remy likes dose Lamborghini's. In black."


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: They're not mine; I only have words to give. I'm just taking these wonderful characters and playing with them, wishing they were real.

It took some smooth talking on my part, but I convinced everyone not to call Logan and Jubes right away. Eventually it became really awkward, with everyone thinking I hated them or something, and it wasn't like I could tell them my reasons why. So I had to give in a little and let them call and say I was OK and staying there. I trusted Jubes to somehow keep him in Canada, otherwise I'd split. I'd dug myself in this deep so far, going back and trying to tell Logan why and to repair the friendship was probably a lost cause. I was starting to rack up a lot of regrets in this new world, and in moments of quiet solitude I admit it left me feeling very hollow and alone. Maybe that's why Remy had a knack of finding me every time I ran off somewhere to be depressed. Damn Cajun knows me too well, grumble grumble.

Time passed, as it always does whether you do anything with it or not. I was not a part of the team, never really wanted to be, but I still proved useful around the house and hanging around Beast so much definitely imparted plenty wisdom. Things were starting to get settled, I was actually starting to feel comfortable seeing the same people day after day, and then Remy asked me out on a date. Well, I'm getting ahead of myself. I had overheard someone mention the one-year anniversary of Logan and Jubes' wedding, so understandably the rest of my day sucked ass. And I had my own special place to take my stresses and worries in case Remy's room was not available or I just wanted to be truly alone. On the furthest end of the lake, there was a large boulder a little bit into the trees that overlooked the water, and there was my outer sanctum. On that day celebrating what I wanted and was hers instead, I took my tears to the boulder- or the 'pebble' as I called it. How many plants and flowers I watered with my tears I don't know, but at some point I fell asleep curled in a ball on top; crying always seems to exhaust me like nothing else. I awoke to feel Remy's fingers running through my hair and snot running out of my nose. I know, I know, I'm so not the glamorous vixen so perfectly drawn, but this's real life people. Noses get runny, shit smells bad. Or at least mine does, and I don't generally make a point to sniff other's. Call me crazy. So I sit up and try to smoothly wipe away the snot without Remy noticing, wondering if I missed dinner or something. He knows I only go there if I don't want to see anyone, so I'm more curious than anything else about why he's invading my moping space.

"Remy, you ok? Somethin' happen?" I gave him a few minutes to answer, knowing how he liked to keep me in suspense sometimes. When he still didn't answer, I looked up at him, and instead of asking him again, I closed my mouth and gave him a few more minutes. He looked like he was trying to organize his thoughts and gather the courage to start talking.

"Remy know why you be out here, chere. 'N Remy always be givin' you space, but he also tink we have de same problem, no? Bot' o' us be lovin' persons lovin' oders, 'n all dat left of us be wastin' 'way little more by de day. You 'n me gotta take care o' each oder, we in dis t'geder." I'm sure I gave him a strange look; this was nothing new for me, we just never actually talked about it. There's no need to talk about hurts we know are there, as that just makes them hurt more. But apparently he needed to talk.

"You've been takin' care of me since I got here. Maybe I haven't been taking as good care of you?" I wasn't looking for recrimination, it was an honest question. When you're depressed, you tend to self-obsess and maybe I had been neglecting him.

"Non, you take care o' Remy fine. Jes dat Remy tired a people t'inking Remy not dating because he love Roguey 'n dey all feel sorry fo' Remy. Remy don' need nobody' pity. N dey also t'ink you be sad over Logan, n even t'o you are, don' mean you wan' ever'body ta know dat. So Remy got an idea ta fix our problem."

"If I didn't know you as well as I do, I'd think you wanted to sleep with me LeBeau." Teasing is good, keeps it light, keeps the conversation from getting too serious. Little known requirement of staying at the mansion was to employ avoidance or evasion as some form of self-preservation on a daily basis.

"Remy know you beautiful, chere. You know it too. But Remy serious. Remy tired of de looks and 'pep talks' so Remy t'ink we should date. Not act'ally date, but go out 'n do t'ings, make de ot'ers t'ink we be dating, den no more looks or talkin'. What you t'ink, chere?" That made me actually sit up and think about it. First of all, Remy was never serious unless it was like a battle or something. Not to mention his talking about things we never talked about by silent agreement, and his feeling in particular. So this was very important to him. And it would help with the advice on my love life that I had been getting from Jean lately. Not so much advice, as more of a subtle 'I know what's going on and I feel sorry for you'. Now I did have some reservations, because as much as I love Remy as a best friend, as his best friend I know for a fact that he is perpetually horny. He is, after all, a man. And however good and honorable our intentions might be at the start of this, there were so many ways it could go sour. So, I had to tread lightly. Would I accept his proposal? Hell yeah! A good diversion and a relief from the pity of others would do me a world of good, and I knew Remy was hurtin' bad. I liked Rogue personally. But there was no way Remy could not get hurt by anything Rogue did, she had that kind of power over him. A little relief was the least I could provide as his friend.

"I think as long as you understand that neither of us are really ready for anything other than friendship and we are just going to pretend so the others will stop using us as the reason theirs lives are so fuckin' great, then we have a deal. But I need a pinkie promise on this, babe. I love you, but I don't think I can handle any more complications in my total lack of a love life right now. You promise not to hurt me later by falling in total abandoning love with me?" Then I gave him my thousand-watt smile just for levity, so he knew I was serious but not totally. He hooked his pinkie in mine and kissed it, which was a nice touch, I admit. Then he ruined it by pulling me into his lap and wrapping his arms around me, which was one of my favorite things when I hid in his room. It was his way of reassuring me that he would do right by me, that things would stay the same. And somehow I felt so much better. I wasn't exactly dating, but we would be spending a lot more time together. I had someone to take care of, which I never knew I craved until I met Logan. Now I had someone who needed me, needed a kind of friendship that only I seemed able to provide. Yeah, that definitely helps the self-image. And even better was that I was doing the same thing for him; he was taking care of me. So I spent the rest of the afternoon and most of the evening just sitting with him, talking about God knows what, just enjoying the fact that if we had nobody else in the whole world, we knew we had each other. And that was enough for then. The rest would work itself out.

Hopefully.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: They're not mine; I only have words to give. I'm just taking these wonderful characters and playing with them, wishing they were real.

Things had been very quiet at the Logan residence after they received a phone call to let them know a certain lady was currently at the mansion and fine. Logan had demanded more information and was shocked to learn he had been told everything they were allowed to tell. Furious, he stormed out of the house and was gone until the sun had long disappeared. Tired and emotionally exhausted, Jubilee waited for him at the kitchen table, knowing there would be an argument when he got home. In her heart she had never dreamed it would go this far; she had wanted time with Logan to grow into their relationship before moving back to the mansion and Di, yes, but she had no idea Di would run so far or that she would run without any intention of returning. She truly missed her friend and the female interaction, interaction from someone who truly saw her as the adult she had always been. Jubilee had no idea how Di came to the conclusion that because Logan had chosen one that the other would have to stay away forever. That Logan had figured out the basics of their agreement she had no doubt. It was merely a subject much safer untouched. It had been so hard to repair their friendship when Di had first run. No one else seemed to know what was going on, and plans were being made to search for her until Charles had stepped in and squashed them. While assuring them that she was safe and merely choosing to leave for the near future, he would offer no other information. Which left her the only other person who knew anything about it. Fortunately, no one other than Logan had guessed at it, but his reaction had been very bad. For days he would not even speak to her, sometimes honestly snarling at her to keep her away from him. When he was home, anyway. Against Charles' mandate to not look for her, he spent weeks at a time searching for her, only to return each time alone and depressed. It was months before she convinced him to listen to her, to accept her vague explanation, to stop blaming himself. Many times did Jubilee question the wisdom of splitting up his 'family', but it had been done and she could only move forward, as must he. Their relationship was slow and rocky, but they had proved to be happier for it. And then Di had showed up on their honeymoon.

Without a doubt Di had not appeared on purpose; she proved that by running away as soon as she woke up. And only after she disappeared the second time did Jubilee realize that it was time to go home. Any in-securities she had about her marriage would have to be faced before they ended up doing real damage. Not to mention the fact that her friend had obviously been put through hell for who knew how long, and she had been selfish long enough. It had been easy to ignore the pain Di's absence continued to cause Logan, but this second rejection put his life on hold. This time he could not be convinced he had not wronged Di, how else could it be explained? Yet Jubilee was hesitant to tell him of their 'arrangement' for fear he would view it as childish and question their life together based on the cost of its' beginning. She knew that in his opinion, a happy life with one family member at the expense of another was not acceptable. And still she had done it. Had pushed Di into it, had refused to listen to her when she tried to tell her that she was giving him up. Had hurt her because of a little jealousy. Yes, it was time to go home and right the wrongs she had always known she had committed.

She was still waiting at the table when he stomped back into the house, calmly stirring her cocoa. He looked at her warily before sitting down across the table.

"I need answers, the whole truth and not just what you want me ta know, Jubes. I been thinkin' and you been puttin' off goin' back ta the mansion, and I know it's 'cause Di's there. Why?"

Jubilee took a deep breath and cupped her hands around her coffee cup.

"When we got back from our vacation, Di and I had a fight in the Danger Room. It was over you."

"I figured that much, darlin'. I need more. I need to know it all. Why's she keep runnin' from us? From me?"

"She's not running. She is keeping what she thinks is her part of the deal. I never told her to go this far, but I think she's doing this outta honor. For me and for you. I was jealous over your guys' kiss and when we got back I beat the hell outta her. I's fighting for the chance to be with you. She tried to tell me I didn't have to, but I didn't want to listen to anything she had to say right then. But after the fight was over, we snuck into a bedroom no one was using and patched each other up. The agreement was that if I was the one who could make you happy, then she would give us some space for a while, 'cause it's kinda hard to date someone when your competition is around. You'da smelled her and it would have made it awkward for all of us. So she left. If it didn't work out with us, then I woulda took off fer a while and given her a chance to see if she could make you happy. I swear to you that I never told her to stay away forever, and I never wanted her to get hurt!", she practically pleaded as his face became stony. Logan stood up and paced back and forth in front of the table.

"You do realize nuthin' woulda ever happened ta her if she'd stayed there, don'tcha?!!", he yelled. "How dare you assume that I couldn't make my own goddamn decision over who I would love or not! You acted like a possessive kid and she jus' wanted you ta be yer friend, she woulda agreed ta anything! That's why you kept tellin' me it wasn't my fault, isn't it?!!" He punched a wall, ripping his fist back out mercilessly.

"Ya know I'm goin' back. I think you owe it ta her to come with me. She's been a loyal friend ta you and you need to show her ya deserve it." She nodded to her cocoa and inclined her head towards the front door. On one side of the frame were two suitcases.

"We're packed. I've just been waiting for you to get home. I can't live with Di running away from her family because she thinks it's what I want. I miss her," she whispered. That seemed to calm him considerably and he crouched down on the side of her chair.

"Babe, I ain't sayin' I ain't pissed, 'cause I am. But we'll work through this like we always have. After we make sure Di knows we want our family to be complete 'gain. She is family, Jubes, and it was the one thing I promised her I would always give her. And she left it fer you. You need to give it back ta her."

"I know," she sobbed, feeling overwhelmingly guilty. That was the one fact she had so studiously pushed to the back of her mind. In order to honor her friendship, Di had given up the one thing she had wanted desperately and had deserved above all. Jubilee had to make amends and Di would only listen to Jubilee. This burden was hers.

Jubilee sincerely wished in that moment that her life hadn't turned out as well as it did. She didn't think she really deserved it. She had torn their family apart and he was still willing to work things out. Which brought her to another point that she was not looking forward to running by him.

"Logan?" He did not even look up from his packing of their Jeep.

"Yeah?"

"I think it would be a good idea if we don't show up right away." He snorted dismissively.

"Why not? No reason ta put shit off." She winced at that, but wouldn't give up.

"Hear me out. If we show up there tomorrow and try to convince her we want her back in our lives, it'll be easy for her to notice that you and I are havin' some problems right now. Don't you think that might make her question whether or not she's the reason for the problems? Maybe she'll think that you told me to talk to her, and that it's not what I really want. Then she'll run anyway. I think we need to take our time getting' there, work on us so that when we get home, we're ok. If we're ok, she'll feel it and she'll believe me when I ask her to stay. She's always been good at knowing how we feel, Logan. You know that."

"Things with us'll be fine when we can sit down an' talk ta Di." He hopped in the Jeep and the engine roared to life. She walked over to the passenger door, but did not get in.

"You said I have to give her family back to her. Most of this is between Di and I, not you. Things aren't going to go back to what they were right away, Logan. That's what's really bothering you, isn't it?" He snapped his head over to look at her, glaring angrily.

"Yes! You took that away from me! Both o' you, but you especially!! You had no right ta assume all this shit and decide stuff and not even let me have a say in it! You want time to work through our shit first? Fine!! We'll work through our shit, 'cause I'm thinking we gotta lot o' it. There's no way I want Di running away 'cause she thinks we're fighting about her; so we'll do all o' that before we git there. Now git in the motherfuckin' Jeep!!" Meekly she opened the door and the second her door closed she had to grab onto it as Logan floored out of the driveway.


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: They're not mine; I only have words to give. I'm just taking these wonderful characters and playing with them, wishing they were real.

"_Yeah, wadda ya want? I'm busy; keep it short."  
"Logan? Di not know I'm callin', but de petit need you. Sometin' happen."  
"She ok? Who hurt her? What happened?" There was a silence long enough to make his heart stop._

"_Ya need to see dis, Logan. Finish de talkin' wit' Jube an' get here now. She be needin' bot' of you."_

"_We're comin'." He snapped his phone shut and waited for Jubilee to come out of the bathroom. When she did she only needed one look to know something was wrong._

"_What's wrong?"_

"_Babe, I love ya and I never regretted marryin' ya one day o' my life, but we gotta git our shit tagether 'cause somethin' happened ta Di. Gumbo won't tell me what it is, so it's gotta be bad. He said she needs botha us. We haul ass, we're there tonight. You ok with that?" She nodded, already reaching for her suitcase._

"_Gimme ten seconds."_

_Di heard the screeching of tires, a distinctly masculine sound of screeching, and knew it was a Jeep. Only Logan and herself had Jeeps, so she knew Remy had called Logan. Damn him. Regrettable, but not unexpected. A feline growl vibrated her throat and she glared up at him, her ears flickering to catch the sound of Logan and Jubilee entering the front doors of the mansion. Gambit scratched behind her ears, trying to smile reassuringly._

"_Gambit know you pissed, Cherie, but you know Gambit only call dem 'cause he worried 'bout ya chere." Di ignored him and stood up, stretching and exposing her sharp claws. With a dismissive snort, she padded away into the woods. She knew she would forgive him later, but until then a little guilt would not hurt him. Besides, she was hungry and did not want to confront them without eating first. Sniffing the air, she caught the scent of a deer trail and soundlessly followed it, hoping to get a meal quickly. Di had a feeling she did not have a lot of time before they came looking for her. Until then, the smell of food was enough to let her worries go and to just enjoy the power of her current form. Constantly sniffing the winds, she stalked the trail until she could hear the subtle sounds of deer. Mindful of their excellent hearing, she remained down-wind from them and snuck as close as she dared before flattening her body as close to the ground as she could. With the infinite patience of a predator, she watched as a young buck wandered closer to her, busy munching on the tender leaves of new plants. When he was less than three feet away, the wind suddenly shifted and she saw his nose flare with her scent. Springing off the ground instantly, she caught him by the neck and felt her jaws crunch through his spine, the sound sickening to the human part of her and thrilling to her animal side. To bring down a young male was no small accomplishment, and it was proof she was mastering her feline form. Satisfied with her life, if only for the moment, she sat down for a leisurely meal._

_The conversation between Logan and the inhabitants of the mansion was painfully short. He burst into the front door and bellowed for Gambit, rushing in the direction of the MedLab. Ororo caught him in the front hall and was surprised to see him._

"_Logan, what's wrong? Is Jubilee alright?" When Jubilee came into the house at that moment, Ororo's bewilderment increased._

"_Logan, what's going on?" He was still looking around and seemed to be barely managing to stay in control to talk to her._

"_Where's Di? Gambit said somethin' happened. Where is she?" Ororo's face became carefully neutral, and at the time only Jubilee noticed that her friend's name was not a pleasant subject to the weather witch. She filed that away for later, more concerned about her friend than Ororo's disapproval. _

"_I have no idea. She has not spent much time inside lately. At least since now she tends to make a lot of messes. Gambit is scheduled for dinner duty, but he has not spent much time with us in the last few days. If he is not in his room, then they are probably outside somewhere." Something in her manner caught Logan's attention, but he too was much more worried about Di than his friend's strange tone. _

"_Now that she makes a lot of messes? Storm, what happened to Di?" For once, Ororo became truly uncomfortable and nonplussed. She did not want her feelings concerning the whole situation to become known, as Logan would in all probability hold it against her. They were old friends, but she had a feeling deep down that if she were to put him in the position of having to choose, whether by her words or deeds, she would be left with one less friend. So, she merely filed Di away in the category she did all else that made no sense or she regarded with disapproval. The category she thought of as his 'unmentionables', and she would never admit her self-appreciation of her own wit to anyone else, just only in her own mind._

"_Jubilee, it appears when she was taken by whomever, they… made a 'Mister Potato Head out of her', as Bobby says. As one from another dimension who is able to exist here, they apparently made her into several other forms from different dimensions. And she is now stuck in one of them. Or does not want to change back. She should be outside preying on our woodland creatures, if you wish to speak with her." She thought she did a very good job to not let her distaste come out in her words, and congratulated herself. Watching her two friends yell a thanks as they ran outside, she wondered why they had come back when their life had been going so well. Surely the whole 'Di' thing would work itself out, and they could have remained in married bliss in Canada. Again, in the 'unmentionables'._

_She lifted her head up and sniffed suspiciously. A stranger was coming. A stranger who smelled strong enough to take her meal from her. She rose onto her paws and growled threateningly, the fur along her spine raising. He approached slowly, and even though the human part knew it was Logan, the animal was not going to lose its' dinner no matter who it was. He stripped out of his coat and kept inching forward, talking in a low voice. She paid no mind and continued to keep him in her sight, ready to strike to keep her right to the meal. When he got within a few feet of her meal, she lashed out so fast even he had no time to react. Looking at his arm in shock, he saw four shallow cuts across his forearm. When his gaze looked to her accusingly, she was back to her crouching position, but he could have sworn that her muzzle was twisted into a smug smirk._

"_What the hell, Di?! I wasn't gonna steal yer dinner, jes hopin' ya were polite enough ta invite me. But if yer gonna be a bitch 'bout it, then fuckin' fergit it!" He stomped off towards the house, expecting her to either stay with her buck or chase after him. He was not expecting her to zip past him at full speed, until the wind shifted just enough to smell what she already knew: Jubilee was up ahead. Worried that if his reception was not friendly, then Jubilee's could be even worse, he took off after her as fast as his legs could move him. Unable to catch her, he resorted to yelling at Jubilee to run to the house. All he could do was watch Di's body lengthen in a leap and slam into Jubilee. They rolled together into the brush and out of his sight for just a moment before he came upon the two of them sprawled over each other and each laughing. Snorting his relief, he leaned against a tree and pulled out a cigar, trusting his wife to light it. A single paff instantly lit his cigar and his mouth quirked around it; it had been quite some time since he had needed a lighter. _

"_Sure, ya scratch me up but roll out tha damn carpet fer Jubes. Women." When her feline eyes regarded him with a gaze that gave away nothing, merely seemed to look at him, he became uncomfortable and took the easy way out._

"_Well, I'll let you girls git ur talkin' done 'n find ya later. Gonna go find me a Gumbo." He ignored the snort from Di, he didn't care if they both knew he was avoiding an awkward situation, and he chose to believe that his wife and friend really did need to get things out in the open. No reason to stay and go through the tears and emotions and other 'girly' things when he could just talk to Di later and take care of their issues without having a big blown out thing made out of it. At least if he talked to Gambit first, he could get more answers than from Storm. Especially because some of his questions were about Storm._

_Jubilee could not help but stare. She looked exactly like a giant cat with short golden fur, that thankfully covered her chest as well. Di's tail twitched as she let Jubilee look her over. The looks had never really bothered her, she just wished she didn't have to hide in other forms. If they had just stayed away and lived out their happy lives, she could have gotten away with hiding in her different form- probably for the rest of her life. As it was, now it would get out. And then when she continued to hide, everyone would look on her with pity. She tried not to think past that point, hoping it would just go away and stay away if she did not think on it. But it had obviously not worked._

"_Di, can you talk?" Feline eyes rolled._

"_Of course I can talk, it just sounds growly. Most of the time I just don't __want__ to talk. But why are you here? Well, I know you're here because Gambit called, that snitch, but why did you leave Canada? You guys were happy and you love each other, so why risk it?"_

"_Risk what? Why did you run off when we found you? What happened to you? And why in the hell did you run off when you were so hurt?! Logan spent two days trying to find you and nobody here knew where you were…"_

"_That was the deal, Jubes. All or nothin. You make Logan happy, and I can't be around trying to pretend I don't love him too, so I thought you'd stay up in Canada. I's just gonna figure my end out as I went." One sharp shoulder shrugged higher than humanly possible; they weren't connected to her other bones anymore._

"_It's not your problem, Jubes. Just tell Logan everything's all good and go home. You know what life here does to people and their happiness. If I's you I'd already be gone."_

"_Di, when did I give you the idea that the other person had to go away and stay away? I know I was a real bitch before we had it out, but we settled all that. I was wrong to make you think you weren't part of the family just because I was jealous that Logan was interested in you, and honestly we were both childish to fight over Logan like he was a possession. But you do not owe it to me to stay out of our lives; I miss you. I want to see you, Di, like I do all my friends. I understand that you think it's awkward because you're still in love with Logan, but can't you give it a try? All I ask is that you try, for me." Di looked away from Jubes' earnest face, trying to be honest with herself. Could she really be around Jubes and Logan with their perfect marriage, seeing them with the happy life she wanted for herself? She knew she couldn't hold it against Jubilee, but could she do it without letting it get to her, letting it depress her to always see what she would never now have? On the other hand, at least this way she could still have their friendships, and that would be infinitely better than being alone in the world. Sure, she still had Gambit, but they were her first friends in this world, were something special to her heart, and it had cost her too much to stay away from them this long. And this was all assuming Jubilee would actually give her a choice in the matter, sure she was asking her now, but it was not beyond the firecracker to ignore decisions that were not what she wanted to hear. A quick glance at her seemed to support this; Jubes had that strangely stubborn glint in her eyes that most seemed to miss._

_Hell, I'm not happy now, might as well see if this works out without making things even worse than now. Maybe I'll get lucky._

_Di nodded her head and winced when Jubes squealed like they both teenagers again. Di could not help but grin at how she could abandon maturity like that, even if it was only pretending for a moment. Jubes tackled her and they took another tumble into the leaves, this time Jubes coming out on top. Di chuckled, which came out as a series of growls, but they ended abruptly when she was hauled onto her feet by the skin on her neck._

"_Come on, girl. We got lots of catching up to do, and I want all the details about Gambit. I've been wondering about that man since I hit puberty, and you're gonna satisfy my curiosity." _

_Logan found Gambit out on the back porch, the only safe place to smoke without being completely harassed. Pulling out a cigar, he lit it and looked out onto the grounds he had spent so much time in, wondering how much they had changed since he had seen them last. Reminding himself to take a look at it when he had a chance, he turned to Gambit and gave him a smirk._

"_Harry's?" Gambit merely nodded, seeming to have much on his mind. Indeed, he was organizing the many things that he felt Logan needed to know. Unfortunately, not everything has to do with Di. _

_Hours later, they sat at the bar, reclined against it and sipping their beer while they casually watched the activity around them. Gambit was the first to break the silence, knowing if Logan did not want to say the first word, it would have to be up to him._

"_Gambit glad you came, ami. Dis da firs' time Gambit see Di relax since she got back 'ere."_

"_She didn't look all too relaxed ta me, Cajun."_

"_But she still much better. Merde, le woman only talk avec moi. Almost like she punishing herself fa' something. You doan know nothing 'bout dat, do you Wolverine?"_

"_Up until 'bout a week ago, no, I didn't. She tell you what their little agreement was?" A nod was all that was necessary, causing Logan to shake his head in frustration._

"_I wanna be pissed off, Gumbo, that the women in my life have been deciding important shit without informing me of just what the hell was goin' on. An' now I gotta help clean up the mess, 'cause I'm stuck in the middle of it."_

"_Dat not your only problems, mon ami. Dere's ot'er t'ings going on in da house, t'ings Di would never tell you. You know what Gambit sayin'?"_

"_Storm." It came out as more of a grunt from his chest, betraying his hesitancy to broach the subject. Gambit, however, was not about to allow him to ignore it._

"_Dere's more goin' on in da house den you know. A lot Di will never tell you. But it be stuff you need to know. Gambit try to keep her safe from cert'in people, but it be hard when dey all under one roof." He took a deep breath, inhaling from his cigarette to buy him a few seconds before letting the shit fall. _

"_Storm is da reason Di won't go back to bein' human. Stormy don' like Di, say t'ings to her when I not be dere to hear, see somethin' 'bout Di dat neither will tell me, but Di been a cat since. Whatever Stormy said to la belle, it kill sometin' inside. Stormy always laughs and talk of ot'er t'ings when I try to talk 'bout it. An' now dat we got ever'body t'inkin' we datin', Stormy not really talk to Gambit none." Logan looked at Gambit at that; he knew how long those two had been friends, and for one of his only true friends to turn her back on him over a girl was something that he never would have believed Storm to do. Not to mention the hurt his sensitive ears could pick up from LeBeau's voice. It was raw, like it had only happened yesterday, and he still couldn't believe it was happening. Gambit would never tell anyone how betrayed he felt, but he didn't have to. At least not Logan. Logan could hear the underlying anger, the resentment that spoke of injustice, unfairness, and prejudice. All things he had never once associated with Ororo. Maybe a little bit of ego, superiority, maybe, but that was it. Apparently he had been picking up on something when he first got there. And it would explain why Storm had chosen her words carefully. Not uncommon for her to do; she liked to be precise in her expression. He added a conversation with Ororo to his list of things to do, noting that it would probably be a bad conversation. _

"_Anything else I need to know 'bout, Gambit?" Gambit appraised him guardedly over his beer before shaking his head. Logan understood immediately. Gambit wasn't going to tell him anything else until he was somewhere he could destroy safely. Because all his news was much worse. Logan sighed inwardly at the realization that Di's life was apparently not anywhere near happy. It was the only things he really wanted for her, and even though he knew she would rather run away than admit it, but he knew she needed him to be happy. He grimaced into his beer, fervently hoping his wife was making amends, and damn good amends. _

_What woke him up, he did not actually have time to think about before he realized he was hearing footsteps on the roof. Habit borne from years and experience compelled him to leave his warm bed and sneak up onto the roof, thankful for the overcast night that allowed him to move in shadows. He came upon a female form who was sitting on the edge of the roof with a bottle of rum in her hands; he could smell it from a yard away. He could also smell who it was. Di. This must be something the Cajuin did not know about; he was very concerned about her continued refusal to change back into herself._

_After Gambit had gotten him into the Danger Room, he then told him everything that had happened to her, everything she had told him. And at that point, if she wasn't going to tell Gambit, she wasn't going to tell anyone. Logan could see that some of her difficulties were due to her "dating" Gambit, but he understood their need for the charade. He also knew that Gambit was keeping his word in not complicating things by falling in love with her, but he had a feeling that it was a near thing. That he kept to himself; one problem at a time. And Gambit had been right. When Gambit had finished telling him everything that had happened to her, including the events causing him to find her out in the middle of the Canadian wilderness, he was shaking with the effort to keep himself in one place, to not scream his rage and pain. But stood he had until Remy left, the doors not even able to close completely before an inhuman sound rang out. Hours later, he had decided not to tell his wife anything; he knew Jubes would never forgive herself if she knew what had happened to Di because of her actions. If Di decided to tell her, as much as he loved his wife, she had it coming in his opinion. What it all boiled down to was the simple fact that so much had been done to her, so many inhumane and unspeakable things, that Gambit was afraid she was broken. The only people who would have been able to help her recover, who could have even a small idea of what she was going through, were the two people she could never turn to. To wake up in their house and half to rum when she was probably barely able to do so, that would have been enough to make anyone lose their mind. Add to that the humiliation of going back to the place where everything had started, to see the looks and judgements from those she had left without a goodbye, to have to accept that even though it had never really been her choice totally... He could only imagine. Whatever secret was keeping her from becoming human again, whatever was done to her that was so horrible, he had a feeling Storm knew it. That his old friend was a large part of the reason she stayed feline, stayed away from those who only wanted to help. If Storm, who prided herself on being tolerant, could not stand what was done to Di, what chance would Di think she had with anyone else. It would explain why she had not told Gambit. To lose him right now would truly break her in a way that could probably never be fixed. He needed to talk to his old friend. Whether she was still his friend after their talk was unknown, and that caused him a twinge in his chest. If he had to choose, he would._

_He found her up in the loft, watering her plants and looking every bit the Goddess she was before leaving her native Africa. Even though he had known her for many years, the sight of her looking so regal never failed to make his breath hitch. It was an almost automatic response by now. That did not do anything to make the conversation he intended to have with her any easier._

"_Ororo?" He stood in the doorway and waited for her to acknowledge him, which she did with a motion of her slender neck, giving him permission to enter her sanctuary. He noticed the tensing of her shoulders that he knew no one would have caught, and he doubted she meant for him to catch it. That did not bode well for her in his book._

"_Logan. How have you enjoyed being back with us? I hope you can set aside some time for me before you and Jubilee go back to your home." Perfectly civilized conversation. Ok, he could do that. For now._

"_Nice. Missed everybody. How have you been?"_

"_I have been good. I will admit to a little jealousy of your happiness. Not all of us are so lucky at the present time. But I am glad you and Jubilee are happy with each other." Her warm smile only served to emphasize her words, and he could tell she meant every letter of them. Still, he forced himself to merely grunt in response._

"_Yeah, seems some people here are havin' a hard time being happy, huh?" Her face instantly became even more regal appearing, which meant guarded. He knew he had her attention, and knew exactly what he was talking about. He was curious to see how long the conversation would remain civilized._

"_I am not unhappy, Logan."_

"_Not talkin 'bout you, Darlin'. I'm talkin about Di and Gambit. Normally Gumbo's being happy is no business of mine, but she's seeing the Cajun, so it's the same thing." He paused to look in her eyes for a moment, letting her nervously anticipate his next words._

"_Been hearin' some things." She waited for him to say something else, but he was not about to offer any of his cards, wanting to see what she had._

"_Is there a problem between the two that I do not know about?"_

"_No, not between them. They're doin' fine. But Di's not happy, so Gumbo's not happy. Been spending time with him, he told me alotta stuff that's been happenin' around here. So I wanted to talk to you, see what you've noticed. Do you know why Di won't come in the house, won't go back to being human? No one else does, and Scott's pretty worried about it. Besides Hank, Scott, and Gumbo, there's really no one she talks to." He could see her regal mask becoming more stressed with each word, and that did more to damn her than anything. Still, he forced himself to control his anger and hear her reasoning._

"_I'm sure I don't know Logan. Like you said, she does not talk to most of us, and prefers to stay outside as a giant cat. I merely assumed it was because of her ordeal in Canada and she was seeing the Professor to deal with it. I would help her if she asked it of me, but she has avoided all of us."_

"_Bullshit." The word was whispered so quietly she did not catch it. _

"_What was that?" The second those words were out of her mouth, she noticed how still the air had gotten, how still he had gotten._

"_BULLSHIT!!", he roared at her. That was as far as he was going to be civilized. Civilized people were not supposed to lie. She had with every movement of her mouth, and to his knowledge it was the first time she had ever lied to him. He would let himself feel the hurt over that later, now he was just infuriate that she lied about Di, how she had treated Di. Apparently everything Gambit had said was true. He was going to hear it from her own mouth, or he would beat it from her._

"_I've been talking to Gambit AND Hank __**AND**__ Scott and they all tell me that she was fine the first few days, until suddenly she wouldn't come back in the house. Then they noticed she was avoiding you, would leave the garden when you showed up, Scott said he heard you yelling at her. He also said that the next day she was that damn cat and she hasn't changed back since. Gambit told me what you have said about her to the others when you thought he wasn't there, and I want you to tell me why I would still call you a friend? Why you seem to hate Di so much, what she could possibly have done to deserve what you are doing to her? You of all people are supposed to be tolerant of others, and you have been treating her like she's disgusting! Why?!!" That last word was screamed in her face and she could see how tightly he kept himself from closing that last few feet of space between them. She still somehow managed to keep her mask in place, though it was difficult for her. She knew she had to defend herself well, or she would lose his friendship. That was unacceptable; Di was not worth Logan's friendship._

"_I have done nothing but tried to impart my wisdom. It is not my fault that she has been so sensitive that everything I say is interpreted as an attack. Yes, I disagree with many of her decisions, and I was hoping to show her how to adjust her thinking so she would not bring so much pain to herself and the people who care about her. I do not want to see you and Jubilee suffer because of her actions. And that is all I have done. Ever." When Logan chuckled and backed up a few steps to lean against her pruning table, his arms crossed over his chest, she could not tell where she stood._

"_Ok. Since you are being kinda vague, let me ask you a specific question. What about her repulsed you so much that you told her you did not want to go shopping with her when you guys were supposed to go for groceries? That you did not approve of her method of attracting attention to herself and did not want to be associated with someone who do that? And what was that? What was so shocking, so horrible, so ugly, that changed into a cat just for you and won't change back? Is she cutting herself?"_

"_No! This I would report to Hank immediately. I have never known her to do that!"_

"_So what is it, Storm? How could she be that ugly to you? You who lead the Morlocks?" That was a slap in the face that she felt acutely. Her mask of composure began to crack. She felt she was losing her friend. She had to turn this around somehow._

"_If my word means nothing, go ask her. Let her tell you! Why come to me when she is the one that is causing all this. I have done nothing! I am just trying to protect Gambit from getting hurt! Look what happened to you and Jubilee! I do not want her to hurt another one of my friends!!" She felt more than heard the low rumble of his growl from across the room. She had heard this sound before, but never directed at her. That growl was for strangers that were not to be trusted, not friends. Not her. It stopped abruptly and she attempted to close the space between them, to somehow convince him that she was only trying to protect her friends, anything to make the burning in her stomach go away and for all this to be past them. _

"_Fine. I'll go ask her. Then I'll be back." He was gone before she had taken a single step, and the room suddenly felt cold and empty._

_He knew this could not be kept from his wife for long. He just hoped he could tell her instead of Di. He hoped Di had not already told her; this would tear Jubilee apart and possibly the teams as well. He could see it coming. If he had to, he would take Di and Gambit and leave. Only if he had to take Gambit. But he would._

_He headed straight for the lake, hoping she would not be too hard to find. He knew she was the kind of person drawn to water when she had too much to think about. Standing on the dock and scanning the shore, he spotted Gambit on the far end, heading for a large boulder hidden partially by trees, but still visible at the top of the rock. Taking off, he caught up with him effortlessly, not at all surprised to see Gambit waiting for him._

"_Logan. You talk to Stormy?"_

"_Yeah. Now I need ta talk to you and Di. You know where she is? Storm is just not going ta admit to anything, and I need ta know what Storm has over her head." Gambit frowned and jerked his head, indicating that Logan should follow him._

"_You know da chere won' want tell you."_

"_Not her choice anymore." Remy nodded and led him to the boulder, where Di was perched on top. Her tail flicked in a sudden fit of nervousness, and she stood onto her paws, obviously deliberating whether or not to just run for it._

"_Di. I know this's yer spot, Darlin', but I wanna talk ta ya. Can I come up?" Her feline eyes flittered between the two men before she settled back down on the rock with a sigh of defeat._

"_Sure. I'll tell you whatchu wanna know." Gambit started to walk away, but she called him back._

"_Might as well come clean with both of you. It had to happen sometime." She waited until they were both sitting on the rock before she stood back up. Logan looked at her with confusion and worry, with a trace of anger; she could smell old anger on him. Gambit was worried for her, nothing more or less. She could see the tense way that he sat on the rock, like he wanted nothing more than to wrap her up in his arms, as he had learned comforted her the most. She was afraid if they asked her a single question, or she said a word, she would lose her nerve. So she did the one thing in the world that she would have sold her soul to not do. Closing her eyes to hide the gathering tears, she changed to her human form. Keeping her eyes tightly shut, she waited for the insults, the gasps, something to let her know how disgusting she knew they would think she was. But she only heard silence. And more silence. Apparently they did not even want to tell her what they thought, so it must be bad. Well, she had known better to hope that she could be part of the Loganites for long. Served her right. And as penance, she forced herself to open her eyes, to remind herself why she did not get to hope. She was no different that any other person in that she took a small amount of pleasure in wanting to hurt herself with their disgust. Sad people do that. So she opened her eyes, only to find looking at her curiously. Granted, she had hands covering the important parts for modesty's sake, but she doubted they would want to look at that way anyway. Yet, they looked... expectant. Like she had told the first part of a joke, and were waiting for the punch line. Now, she felt anger. Looks of disgust she could handle, knew to expect, but their continued stares was derision beyond what she could endure. Enraged, she quickly changed back into her feline form and hissed at them with all the anger she was feeling in her heart before attempting to jump down from the rock. Instead, she felt Logan's suffocating weight on her back, pinning her to the rock. She screamed her rage and fought back viciously, now desperate to get away. To just... get away. Her heart hurt. Her life seemed to exist only to be unfairly painful. She needed to get away to lick her wounds, figure out where to go, if she should even bother caring where she could figure out later. _

"_Di, stop fightin' me. What the hell is wrong with you? If ya knew ya were gonna be naked, ya coulda told us!"_

"_Let me go! Don't make fun of me!!" Gambit wrapped his arms around her thick neck, rubbing his face against her cheek to calm her down. Logan threw him a strange look, but it turned to incredulous when she relaxed instantly._

"_That's not fair Remy." The two men released her and sat back, waiting for her to explain why she tried to run. When no one said anything for a few seconds, seconds that she spent avoiding their eyes, they watched as her face became more and more pained. She finally raged out at them._

"_Why are you doing this to me?! If I'm so hideous to look at, then just let me go!" She crossed her front paws and set her chin on top of them, avoiding their stares. The two men exchanged looks, Gambit's confused, Logan's one of realization. And anger. Oh, the anger. He rubbed his hands over his face and reached for a cigar, lighting it. After taking a puff, he exhaled the smoke and cradled his forehead in his palm, trying to rub away the beginnings of a headache._

"_Di, we have no idea what is so hideous to look at. Why don't you tell us what Storm said to you? I know she said something. And I also know that neither Gumbo or I see anything wrong with what you look like." _

"_Yeah, right. I know I'm fucked up. Please don't baby me. I'm a little too old and been through too much shit for you two to lie to me. Don't lie to me!!" She put her head back down, disgusted with them and her own emotions. They seemed to jump between defeat, depression, and righteous anger. _

"_Have I ever lied to you?" Her eyes closed and tears were squeezed out from her eyes._

"_Tell me Di, have I or Gumbo ever lied to you, about anything?"_

"_No", she whispered. Logan started to pet her spine in a slow, soothing rhythm._

"_Tell me what she said. You have never lied ta me. I will believe you, Di." Her head turned away from them, her shoulders hitching as she tried to suppress the sobs that seemed to appear of their own volition. _

"_She said my tattoos were undignified, that only someone with severe mental problems would mutilate themselves on their own face. I tried to tell her that I didn't do this, it was done to me, but she wouldn't believe me because they weren't there before I first changed. She didn't want anything to do with me. She told me that," her breathing hitched and she had to take several deep breaths before she got it under control again,"that I didn't deserve to have friends when all I ever did was make their lives harder. I only bring trouble, and I don't deserve Gambit. She told me if I hurt Gambit in any way, she'd make sure that I never set foot in the mansion again. I wasn't good enough for you guys. Like I was trailer trash or something. I figured, if she has tats and thinks that mine are disgusting, she must know what she's talking about. It doesn't matter if I didn't do them; no one who sees them will think otherwise. So I just stayed like this. At least this way, it was easier to look at me. But she wasn't happy with that either. Said I tracked dirt inside and smelled like dead animals. Which is probably true. So I've been out here. At least I still have a place to live, right? And as long as nobody had to see what I looked like as a human, maybe I could stay? Maybe, if even just one person could be ok with who I was, then it would be enough." She looked over at Gambit and smiled sadly._

"_I'm sorry I never told you. You were such good friends with Storm that I was afraid you'd act just like her. So I didn't tell you. I hoped I could be enough of a friend to you, __had__ been enough, that maybe if you found out you'd judge me for who I was and not what I looked like. But I still shouldn't have used you like that. I'm really sorry, Remy." Logan looked at Gambit and could tell it was hard for the man to be unable to touch, to reassure her, because Logan was in the way. _

"_Chere, Gambit don't care what dey did to you. You and me against dem, member? Dat not gonna change?" He stood and took off his coat._

"_Di, stand up." She looked up at him, saw him holding his coat, and looked to Logan for reassurance. He nodded and she sighed, turning her back to them before changing back to her human form. Gambit wrapped her in his coat, which smelled of expensive cigarettes and brandy. She held the coat tightly and turned to face them, looking into Remy's eyes. Logan could hide his feelings easier than could Remy, if for no other reason than she had spent much more time with Remy recently. She tried to keep her hope down, told herself not to trust what she saw, but they had never lied to her, and they were looking at her like nothing was wrong. So, logically, she followed the reasoning. If she wasn't hideous, then her basis of self was based upon a flawed opinion. Storm's. Which meant that she either was flawed herself, or she had deliberately given her a flawed opinion. To hurt her? Yes, but Storm was usually so calm, serene. She did not like to let daily concerns bother her; she liked to stay above the menial concerns of the average person. But her actions were definitely personal. So what would bother her personally enough to try to get her to either leave or be put in a situation where she would be forced to leave? _

_Her head snapped back up and looked at the two of them. Her face was flushed, her blue eyes cold and pale._

"_She did this for you guys. She thought I wasn't good enough, that I would hurt you guys, so she treated me like shit. And I was so fucked up from the shit they did to me, and trying to make it here on my own, that I was too tired and too trusting to see it. I thought I was safe here, that no one would want to hurt me, so there would be no reason to think anyone here would lie to me. What the fuck is so bad about me that she would be such a total bitch?" Logan stood up and dusted his jeans off, about to reach for the cigar in his mouth, when her hand snatched out and plucked it from his lips. She took a deep drag, ignoring his warning growl, and exhaled shakily. She handed it back to him, her shoulders relaxing somewhat._

"_You know what? I don't care what she thinks. I have never tried to hurt you guys, have gone out of my way to make sure nothing did, and she's nothing better than my goddamn wardens. So fuck her. I'm going inside for a fucking shower, I'm gonna steal somebody's ice cream, and I'm gonna go see Hank." She paused to think for a moment. "In that order, probably. Then I'm gonna go find her and tell her to kiss my ass. If she wants me gone so bad, then I'll leave." She started to climb down the rock, with two worried men right behind her._

"_Chere, you just gonna run away from dis?" She chuckled and wrapped her arm around his._

"_Oh, hell no. I'm gonna stay for a while, hang out with Scott, Hank, and you guys. Then, when you and Jubes leave to go back to Canada, Logan, we'll come with you. 'Cause I ain't leavin' without you Remy. I'll steal you if I have to, but you're a keeper and I want as many of my friends in one spot as I can manage." She continued to propel them towards the mansion. Both men shared a concerned look over her head, but decided to play along until they knew what she had planned. Both of them knew her well enough to know that some sort of revenge was being plotted, so they were concerned. She played for keeps._

"_Don't worry guys. I won't shave her head or anything. I just want to enjoy being with my friends before I start throwing some shit. And I need to let the Professor know I'll be leaving in the next few weeks. As much as I would love for this to be my home, it won't ever feel like it. And I would really like to have a home. Remy, can I borrow your shower?" With a quick look at Logan, who nodded, Remy took over the responsibility of finding out just what she was thinking. Logan instinctively knew she wasn't ready to tell him yet, but she might tell Remy. He was only now realizing how much time and closeness he had lost with her, and it hurt. Never mind that it wasn't his fault, or it was because of other's actions, it just hurt that she felt closer to Remy at that moment than she did him. _

_She was quiet when they entered the house, and all she wanted was to be clean before confronting anyone else. Then she wanted to talk to Hank over a bowl of something chocolate. If anyone could tell her why her tattoos only appeared after her first 'shifting', it would be Hank. Logan had taken off to see Jubes, so Remy was finally able to wrap an arm around her and pull her close to him without his appraising stare. She snuggled up against him, missing that dearly. He stole them up to his room without being seen by anyone and sat down on his large bed, watching her shed his coat and pad across his room naked, headed for the shower. _

"_Chere? You wanna tell Gambit what you got cookin' in your head?" She grabbed a towel from the bathroom and wrapped it around herself before sitting down on the bed in front of him. He spread his legs and she scooted back, trying not to cry as all the little things they had done before she became feline, that she had missed so much, made her want to bury herself in his arms and cry like a little girl. He started to massage her shoulders, waiting for her to speak._

"_I don't feel safe here, Remy. I only feel safe when all the people around me make me feel safe. Right now, I can count the people who do that on one hand. And I'm getting a little old to still be wandering, hoping to find a home. I was thinking of getting some land out where Logan and Jubes live. Not too close, but close enough to be neighbors. I need to have something of a normal life, like where I'm not getting kidnaped and experimented on every couple years. I can't do that here. Storm is right about one thing; this place attracts trouble. So I'm leaving. I figure, Logan and Jubes are still on the team, they will help out when they're needed for something, so if you come with, you could just go off with them on a mission or whatever, and I could have my home." She turned around and looked into his black pupils. Now was the time to be honest, even if it made her alone._

"_I know you love the excitement here. And I also know you hate the cold. So I understand if you don't want to go with me. But I have to go; I will never be happy here. If you stay, I will visit; Scott and Hank would probably abduct me if I didn't. And I know this's something you can't just decide right now, so that's why I'm staying for a few more weeks before I leave. I really won't be upset if you stay. I just want you to be happy." She turned around and let him continue, which he did after a moment. She only let him continue for a few moments before getting up to head for the shower. She needed space, and time away from everyone. Funny, she had had nothing but that for the last few months, but this was different. She had to get ready to let him go. He may have kept his side of the bargain, but she didn't know if she had anymore. She honestly did not think he would go with her. He liked being around people, liked to mess with them, liked the feeling of being surrounded by them. She felt claustrophobic. She knew she was asking for too much, which was why she turned on the shower, washed and conditioned her hair, sat down on the floor of the tub, and cried silently. She knew in her heart she would have to let him go. He wasn't really hers, anyway. He would always belong to Rogue, whether he realized it or not. She knew she wasn't just a way to pass the time, but when she left, there would be a void in her life. Logan and Jubes were married, could only spend so much time with her, and she would be alone. As she had been so often in her life. Part of her wanted to just give up and accept the fact that she was not supposed to be that lucky, but the other part... That damned part of her that loved to hope, to keep open the way for her to get hurt, that part wanted to hope that he would go with her. And the pain from being pulled in two directions was why she sat on the floor until her ass went numb, her legs against her chest and hiding her face in her knees. She felt the water go cold, but she wasn't ready to leave yet. She couldn't until the last sniffle was gone, or he'd hear and decide to go to make her happy. She knew he was still out there, knew they were both going to guard her wherever she went in the house, so she let the cold water run down her puffy face. When she felt it was safe to leave the shower, she dried off and noticed all her stuff was still in the bathroom: toothbrush, hairbrush, make-up. All of it just as she left it. She fought not to start crying all over again, instead focused on getting ready. She put on her make-up in two minutes and brushed her teeth. Walking out in her towel, she went to her drawer, picking through the few garments she kept there. Even though he had given her a drawer in his dresser, she never wanted to intrude too much into his room. She threw on a pair of jeans and a black wife beater, calling it good. Turning to Gambit, who was still on the bed, she reclined across the bed in front of him, looking up into his serious face._

"_If you look any more serious, I'm gonna haveta tickle you, Rem." A small smirk was her reward. He grabbed her arms and pulled her into his lap, sniffing her hair and tickling her under her ears. Only he knew how sensitive she was there. She squealed and tried to squirm out of his reach, but his arms were locked around her, and she had not been human for a while. It took time to get used to a different body, so she was at a disadvantage, which he immediately realized and used to his advantage. He crossed her arm over her chest and circled his arm over then, keeping her from moving. He nuzzled her ear as her legs kicked out and she tried to wriggle her way out of his arms. He stopped to let her catch her breath, feeling her chest heaving under their arms. He let go of her, satisfied that she was more relaxed. Her arms wrapped around him out of habit, her cheek resting on his shoulder. _

"_Remy just want you happy, chere. Dat's why Remy gon' tell you where Jeannie hide her Rocky Road ice cream." She looked up at him and smiled a simple smile. _

"_You gonna go with me and make sure I'm ok? Cause I don't want Beast to hug me into a smaller jean size like he did last time. I'll even share my ice cream with you." She sat up and put her arms around his neck. "I'll even let you use your own spoon if you don't want to get my girl germs." He snorted and kissed her forehead._

"_Gambit got no problem with girl germs. No need to use deu spoons, Remy know where you been."_

"_Yeah, nowhere but your mouth," she snickered. He flicked her nose and pushed her away from him, gliding to his feet with an ease that never failed to impress her._

"_Yes, but you made da Wolverine t'ink we do more an' Remy be chopped into tiny pieces. Remy want to live to see more girl germs." She coughed a word that sounded suspiciously like 'slut', before sauntering out of his room. He was right behind her and she took off at a run. She knew better than to call him that. Which was exactly why she did it. She raced to the elevator and barely got there in time for the doors to close in front of him. Once down on the lower levels, she skipped her way to the lab and in through the doors, throwing herself at the back of Hank. He barely managed to turn in time to catch her, but her weight was not enough to make him loose his footing. She smiled mischievously at him as he put her down on her feet. _

"_Well, hello my dear. To what do I owe this..." He heard the pounding of footsteps and her squeak of alarm. She ducked behind him and hid herself behind his massive back, making sure her legs lined up with his. When Gambit burst into the lab, Hank had a hard time not smiling. _

"_Can I help you with something, Gambit?" Gambit looked around the room, not seeing her at first glance. But he knew she was in there._

"_You seen Di, Beast? She called Gambit someth'ng not true and run down here."_

"_Really. What did she call you?"_

"_A slut," she whispered quietly, but not quietly enough; Gambit heard her and advanced on Beast. Beast could only laugh as she crawled up his back and locked her arms and legs around him, trying to keep Gambit from prying her off. Only when he resorted to tickling did she let go, and Gambit followed her to the floor, where she pawed her way across the room trying to get away from him. He finally let her go and pulled her to her feet, where she wiped away tears and leaned against him while she tried to calm her breathing. Beast merely lifted an eyebrow and looked at Remy._

"_Really, I can understand why you would be so upset. I would have gone with the word whore, myself." Remy made an insulted noise in his throat, ignoring them as they knocked fists in congratulations._

"_Beast, I wanted to see if you wanted to joint me for some chocolate ice cream. Remy's gonna tell me where Jean's rocky road is hiding. Assuming he'll still tell me. But I think he will." She leaned toward Beast and whispered in a loud, stage whisper. "I told him I'd let him use my spoon." Beast looked suitably impressed._

"_Wow, he gets to second base, also known as the spoon sharing base? Even I haven't gotten that far with you." Gambit had had enough and threw her over a shoulder, walking out of the Medlab._

"_You wan' ice cream, let's go. Gambit don' need any more harassment, or he re-think his generosity." Di craned her head up to wink at Hank before pinching Gambit on the ass. He yelped and smacked hers hard with his hand. She jumped, but started to laugh._

"_C'mon, Gambit, harder. Yes, harder! OH GOD, harder, faster! OH, Gambit!!" Beast snickered behind them and broke out into a full laugh when Gambit smacked her hard enough to echo off the walls. She almost bucked herself off his shoulder._

"_OW!! That HURT!" _

"_Dat what happens when you tease Gambit with girly germs. Now be nice or you find your own chocolate." She was quiet for about twenty seconds._

"_So Hank, I was hoping you could tell me why I got these tattoos after I shifted to my feline form. I've tried a few of the others, but the tattoos aren't going away. I thought maybe if I let you get needle-happy, you could figure it out." Hank looked at her in surprise._

"Are you sure? I know how much you hate anything that reminds you of what... has been done to you by people." Remy felt her sigh on his shoulder and knew the playful mood was over.

"_I do. But I also trust you. You won't hurt me intentionally, and sometimes shit just is gonna hurt. I really want to know why I look like this now." The last was said very quietly, and it did not take Hank's oversized brain long to put things together._

"_Is that why you haven't come to visit me? I know I am down in the lab a lot, but even I have noticed you aren't around. Do your new facial markings bother you that much?"_

"_They're on more than my face. Look down the back of my shirt." Hank did so and noticed the tapestry that adorned her spine and flared out over her lower back._

"_There's more on the front too, but that's an in the lab kinda deal. The scientists didn't do this to me, not personally. And I've never seen anything like these symbols, so maybe they're from the other creatures I can turn into?"_

"_Interesting theory. If so, you should have different themes to your differently tattoo'd areas. Is that what you have?" _

"_I think so. I can't really see the ones on my back, but the ones on my face and in the front don't look at all alike. So if that's true, then they're each stuff from each dimension. But how would they even be able to do that?"_

"_Honestly, I have no idea. These markings should have been visible right after they altered your DNA, not after your first changing. I can do some tests, but I really just don't know what I'm looking f-"_

"_Enough. Less talk. More chocolate. I'm going for second base and you not be spoiling Gambit's chances of girly germs, Hank, or Gambit be very upset."_

"_Yeah, you're just upset I'm not giving you another chance to smack my ass. Ass-lover." She jumped again and screamed angrily at his back as he hit the same side once again, followed quickly by the other, previously untouched side. As he walked into the kitchen, she calmly told him what she though of his personal character in every language she could think of, being as creative as her anger allowed. _

"_And I sweat to God, Remy, you ever spank my ass that hard again and I will never put out for the rest of your natural life!" Gambit suddenly froze, his body tense. Before she even had time to realize something was wrong, he was sliding her down slowly. She turned to see what the problem was and came face to face with a stone-faced Storm sitting at the kitchen table._

"_Hi Storm."_


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: They're not mine; I only have words to give. I'm just taking these wonderful characters and playing with them, wishing they were real. For all you people who think Ms. Munroe could benefit from having her ego brought back to reality just a little bit, this is all for you.

"Hi, Storm." She knew there was absolutely no way to regain her dignity after that display, especially in front of Storm. So she merely headed for the freezer, letting the men settle themselves however they chose. The room was uncomfortably quiet as she searched for any kind of ice cream before finding an ice cream sandwich box. Grabbing a bowl and a spoon, she proceeded to mash her sandwich up and plopped down quite ungracefully in the seat next to Gambit's. Now that she knew her recent near-depression was partially due to Storm's influence, and partially due to her accepting it as gospel, she was willing to finally be herself.. Well, live and learn, and get revenge. Not a bad motto in life. She scooped a spoonful of ice cream and sandwich and offered it to Gambit, who hid the amusement at her actions well. Instead, he was the perfect, doting, boyfriend. She giggled at his antics, and the best part of it was that it was all honest. She was enraging the goddess just by being herself, at least the way she was with Gambit. Normally she reserved this behavior for just the two of them, but she was in no way above a little show and tell. She smiled inside at the shit storm she intended on creating. She was careful not to overdo it, she was just enjoying the closeness that wasn't really possible when you were a cat. Cats don't fit to humans perfectly. And that was what she had missed most: the way her body fit to his perfectly. There was no better feeling than the comfort of being surrounded by him, his arms around her, protecting her from everything outside their embrace. Apparently Storm was not the only one noticing their behavior, either. Hank had been watching carefully, aware that more was going on then just two involved people enjoying some ice cream.

"Been awhile since you two had ice cream?" She stood up to take her dishes to the sink to wash them. She grinned over her shoulder at Hank.

"Nope, just enjoying being human, and therefore able to come in the house." Gambit could see that Hank had several questions lined up, but when she turned around it definitely dismissive. Once again, the atmosphere became uncomfortable. When she had finished drying and putting away her bowl and spoon, she walked up behind Gambit and wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her hands on his chest.

"C'mon, I know Hank's dying to know how I got these markings on me. I wanna get the needle time over with." He stood and held her hand as the three walked out of the kitchen. Once in the elevator, she turned to Hank.

"Tell me you still have my suckers. I'm not doing this without my lolly." He nodded, regarding her curiously.

"Patience, Hank. I won't talk until we're in your lab. It'll give me something to do while you're poking me." Gambit could tell she working hard to put up a strong front, knew that it was hard for her to be in the lab voluntarily. He took her hand and squeezed it gently, glad to see the slight drop of her shoulders. He doubted even Logan could help her feel safer in a lab. He waited outside until she had put on the required paper thin gown before entering. She looked so small and frail sitting on the exam table, and he was sure she felt it as well. Hank asked the usual questions while taking her vitals, noticing that she had lost weight since she had first arrived. Her lips curled into an ironic smile.

"Yeah, but now that I'm not living off the land, I'm sure I'll get it back. Not to mention that I can come down and bug you more often. I'm sorry I haven't been around much, Hank. I'll make it up to you."

"Nothing of the sort is necessary, I assure you. Just don't think you can hock any suckers. I learned the first time." She shot him a big grin and relaxed completely. If this was the way the exam would go, maybe it wouldn't be all that bad.

"So, you really do not have any pertinent information on the processes they put you through? Anything to give me a clue?"

"Nope. All I knew were different levels of pain. I don't know how long it was, where I was I only found out later, and they could have put me in a clown suit for all that I was aware. I just kinda snapped one day and make a section of the earth disappear. But that I coulda done with the powers Sinny gave me, I don't think it had anything to do with these forms I have."

"And did they teach you about the forms, or did you just have the knowledge?" She rolled her eyes, but not at Hank.

"I just have it. Apparently no one believes in books anymore, they just keep programming stuff up there. Pretty soon I'll be able to check my e-mail without a computer, I swear to God." He nodded and removed the needle from her arm she hadn't even known was there. Hank looked to Gambit, slightly uncomfortable.

"Di, I don't know if you want Gambit here for the more personal questions." She shrugged indifferently and reached for Gambit's hand, content to let that be her answer.

"Very well. I need to know if you are still having your menstrual cycles?"

"Yep. Not regular, but somewhat consistently. Really, nothing has physically changed since my last check-up. Just the changing forms thing. Ask the questions you really want to ask, Hank. I can practically smell your anxiety. Actually, I can. That's new. I still have the cat senses. When I changed back to human the first couple times, I lost the cat senses. Maybe because I was feline for a few months instead of hours, it takes a while to fade out?" Hank's eyebrow arched.

"Really? We'll have to test that out later. I am more concerned right now about your emotional health. Normally this is Charles' forte, I have a feeling you wouldn't want to talk to him about this, would you?"

"Not really. I don't think h'es biased or anything, I just don't want to put him in that position if it's not necessary. I'll settle this my own way. Then I'm going up north. I haven't decided where yet, really." Hank looked at her seriously.

"Is this about Storm?"

"Yeah, partially. I'm not gonna stick around after what she did, it'll cause too much tension for everyone. She was here first, this's her home, so I'm gonna go find me one. No big."

"Do you have any idea why she looks at you like she got something slimy on her finger and wants to wipe it off as soon as possible?" She looked up at him, surprised, and burst out laughing.

"That's way better than the way I describe it, Hank. I'm gonna keep that one." She mood swung abruptly to quiet, trying to figure out how to dance around the question. She really did not want to get Hank involved in this. He had more important things to worry about down here, lifesaving things to discover. Gambit came up and put his arm around her, nuzzling her hair.

"Hank, I just don't think I'm her kinda person. There's always gonna be someone who just don't like you, and I guess that is what I am to Storm. So she's not been the most understanding person about my forms, and definitely not approving of the new ink. Which I don't get; usually people who have their own tats are a lot more open-minded to people who have tats that are... different. Besides, I tried telling her they were'nt really tats, but she wasn't really open to the idea. Maybe she was just looking for an excuse?"

Gambit did not offer an opinion on her question, which she let go at the time. Hank looked at her shrewdly, and she knew her friend was quickly putting together all his observations. She decided to head him off before he passed judgement on anyone's actions.

"Hank, what was said or done to me doesn't matter. I think it's just time for me to move on. I'm gonna try and have a normal life. Go find a house somewhere, have a local watering hole, fight with at least one neighbor on the height of my fence, normal stuff. I would love to stay here and be a superhero like you guys, but I really think I've finally earned the right to settle down, pop out a kid or two, and let my ass get fat." Hank snorted and she could not help but laugh at him.

"I know, my ass'll never get fat. I just want to be me. I can't be that here." Hank put down his chart and sat on a stool. Taking off his glasses and pinching the bridge of his nose, he looked at Gambit.

"Can you give us just a minute? I want to talk to her. I'll only keep her for a few minutes." Gambit looked at her, letting her know with his stern gaze that Hank was not the only one with things to discuss with her, then crinkled his eyes at her. He kissed the top of her head before slinking out the door. Hank waited until the door was closed before tossing her clothes at her.

"Get dressed. I don't want to talk to you when you're wearing a piece of paper." He walked to the other side of the lab and she went to change with a cold feeling inside. Hank had never been so serious with her before, and it made her feel cold. Nothing good ever came from that serious tone. She came back out of the bathroom and sat back on the exam table. He pushed her another stool and handed her a Twinkie once she sat on it.

"Di, I know you. Storm hasn't just been giving you the cold shoulder, has she?" Di picked her Twinkie apart in little pieces, shaking her head, but remaining silent. Hank leaned forward and put his hands on her knees, trying to get her to look up at him.

"Di, you know I would never judge anything you do. Storm isn't the only reason you're leaving, is it? This has to do with Logan and Jubilee too, doesn't it? What happened between you? Did you and Jubilee fight over Logan? Did Storm find out?" Her shoulders shook as she let out a shuddering breath, trying desperately not to cry. She looked away from him, knowing once she saw his face she wouldn't be able to keep it inside. Seeing her struggle, he sighed and gently took the deformed Twinkie from her hands, putting it on the counter. He picked her up off the stool, but she began crying before he had even pulled her onto his lap. His anger flared at Storm for reducing such a strong person to this. She would never have been so... unstable a few years ago. She seemed to curl into a ball in his arms and he instinctively bent over her in a protective embrace. She turned into his chest and clenched his white coat in his fists, mindful to keep from screaming as she wanted so she didn't hurt his sensitive hearing. Her body shook with the effort to get herself under control; her mind seemed to have lost control temporarily of her body. She was screaming inside her mind to stop crying while her body continued to shake with soulful sobbing. His grip on her tightened until it became almost painful, giving her something to concentrate on. While she preferred Gambit and the spicy cologne he always wore, Hank was very warm and his much larger size made her feel like she was surrounded by a living, safe cave. She clung even tighter, trying to focus on that safe feeling, hoping it would help her to deal with the fact that her life was once again being uprooted and she would have to leave a place she had hoped to call home.

Hank waited until her body only shook with an occasional hiccup before sitting up straight and settling her more comfortably in his arms, her head tucked under his chin.

"Di, you have a lot going on in your head and you haven't told anyone everything, have you? Not even Gambit." She shook her head and sniffled, wiping her nose on her sleeve.

"I am not involved in whatever's going on, so can you tell me what has happened since you got here? Maybe you and I can take off for the weekend and go to the coast. I know you like being near the water, and there are tons of quiet places to stay. Maybe it would help to get away and clear your head before you decide what you're going to do in the next few months. Lord knows everyone is always getting on me to get out of the lab more often, so this would be a good reason for me to take a break." She blew out a deep breath and he noticed that she still smelled like ice cream sandwiches.

"I think that would be nice, Hank. God knows I need someone to tell me if I'm being crazy or not. It would be nice to have just one person who knew everything, and I can't think of a better person than you, Hank. You want to decide where we go and you can just surprise me?" He could feel her sudden exhaustion and knew she wanted to sleep; crying for any amount of time was always guaranteed to drain her. Had he known her any less than he did, he would probably have been insulted by her seeming distance. He knew, however, that she was just wanting to go sleep off her lack of self-control, at least as she saw it. Besides, he told Gambit he would only keep her for a few minutes, and he knew that if he took too long, Gambit would not have a problem simply walking in and breaking the confessional mood he had worked so hard to establish. He released her, setting her carefully on her feet to make sure she was able to hold herself , as her body was still quite shaky. She smiled at him and took a deep breath, squaring her shoulders to release their tension.

"OK. This weekend, you can be my priest and hopefully give me better advice than to trust in God. No offense, but He hasn't really done anything for me in a long time, and you already have a much better tract record than He does. Just no cheesy bed and breakfast, OK?" He nodded and handed her back the mutilated Twinkie. She laughed as she accepted it, apparently not having realized what she had done to it. Stuffing the entire thing into her mouth, she threw the wrapper into the waste basket and looked at him expectantly, her hand held out.

"My sucker, good sir?" He laughed pleasantly at that, pleased that he had not made her feel cornered, that even though she was about to tell him things that she would probably rather keep to herself, the way she viewed and treated him was not going to change. He took a sucker out of his hiding spot and tossed it to her. She popped it in her mouth and waved at him as she walked out the door, telling him she would see him at dinner, and if not she would come and get him. They both knew she would more than likely have to go get him.

Gambit took up her side as she headed for the elevator, taking in her tear-stained face and tired face. Not wanting to say anything until they were in the safety of his room, he took her elbow once they were out of the elevator and gently escorted her to his room. By silent agreement, they both got in bed, fully clothed, and he snuggled her tight against him. She let a tired sigh escape and his arms tightened ever so little in response.

"Di, you ok?" She smiled a tired smile, her mind so full of things that she would need to think and decide on.

"Yeah, just got a lot on my mind. I'm sorry for springing the whole moving thing on you without talking to you about it first. I know you like living here, and I don't really expect you to leave all this to go live in the middle of the woods. That's just not you. You could still come and visit me, or I could visit you." Her heart burned to say those words, like heartburn that spread into her chest and condensed into a small circle in the middle. She had known all day that he would not leave his life here, it had been a fact that she had ignored all day in favor of letting it stay in the back of her mind, but now she had to start making the hard decisions. She had to face the fact that while she may not be in love with the Cajun, she definitely felt more than simple friendship. And yet it was that friendship that made her do the right thing. That and she was starting to enjoy her miserable life. If her life was always hard and devoid of happiness, there really wasn't much she could lose. The feeling in her chest was one she was already chronically familiar with, it was something she knew was just a part of life, just more so in her life. She was starting to realize that sometimes it was easier to live without the things in life that most people considered necessary. If she wasn't tied to someone like that, like she had nearly been tied to with Logan, then she couldn't lose more than she could handle. It was easier to live with knowledge of what everyone else had and you were without, than to have and always worry that something could take it away from you. She somehow didn't honestly think that was a type of pain that she could handle. Funny, coming from someone who's entire life had consisted of learning to deal with pain of one kind or intensity, but she felt down inside that that one kind of pain would be the one that broke her. So, choosing her depressing life was really an easy choice. Besides, she would have all the reason in the world to mope if she felt like it; no one could argue against the fact that her life sucked. God, she was really a masochist. And she liked it. Her own safe, horrid, black existence.

"Why you gotta leave? Don' let Stormy make you run away. Gambit wan' you to stay, chere."

"It's kinda gone beyond that, now, Gambit. Too many things have happened to me in this place, and not just all of them about Storm. I need to make a fresh start. You and I both know I am not made out for the save the world thing. I just want to be normal, maybe even happy one day. I could never do that here, Gambit, and you know it. Besides, coming to visit me won't be so bad, will it?" He teased a finger up and down her arm, causing goosebumps to follow his touch. She couldn't quite supress the shiver that went down her spine.

"Non, but why you got to move so far dat Gambit gotta visit, not jus' drive to de next town? It feel like you running 'way ag'in, not moving. Tell Gambit he wrong." She sighed and sat up, keeping his arm around her waist with one hand. The other hand cradled her face as she rubbed it in near exasperation.

"Gambit, you know I could never be happy here. Too much going on, too much drama, and all I want is the exact opposite of all of that. I know you can't come with me, but because you aren't coming, I will live where I want, not where it's convenient for everybody. I want to be somewhere where I can't be found, where only a few people can possibly get to me."

"Won't you be lonely, chere?!" She smiled sadly and played with the fingers on his hand, tracing their outline. It gave him shivers, but he was careful not to let it show.

"I don't say this to make you feel sorry for me, it's just stating the way things are, Remy. Honestly, being lonely is something I know. Almost the only thing I know. I had a few months with Logan before I had to leave, and maybe six months at the ranch, but they weren't family. I need to be someplace where I can grow grass under my feet, where I know the librarian by name, and where I can have friends that will last me a lifetime because they only live down the street. You don't want or really need that, but I've earned it, and it's all I've really ever wanted."

"Don' tell Gambit what he wan' and don' wan', chere. Mi belle need Gambit, he be dere." When she continued to shake her head, he pulled his hand from hers.

"Chere, you not wan' Remy wit' you? You wan' to disappear on me? Remy deserve better dan dat."

"I'm not trying to sip out on you, babe, I just don't think you want the kind of life that I do. You're an adrenaline junkie, and I'm really not. Hell, I'll probably need adrenaline supplements when I get older. I just don't want you to come with me and be miserable because you need more out of life than I do. You know I'm right, Remy." He pulled away from her in exasperation and opened a window, lighting a cigarette. This was proving to be much more difficult than he had planned on. He had not really thought he was going to have to convince her that they were better off together. The nasty little voice whispering that she was still in love with Logan was not helping, either.

"Please, belle, jus' give me a chance," he whispered. Her head swung around to look at his profile. She had never heard him ever refer to himself in anything other than the third person. Any other time, she would have thought it a trick of light, but she knew that his hands were shaking ever so slightly. Well, one more chance and then let the cards fell as they may.

"Gambit, you don't have to do this for me. I'm used to being alone." She paused, trying to find the right words to gently explain that there was no reason to chain his life to hers when he could find someone who wanted to give him the life that she never could. Words to say that without saying it. Because she had managed by a hair to keep herself from loving him more than a friend, but if he went with her, she had no faith in her continued will. And she still had to contend with Jubilee and her feelings for Logan, whatever they were anymore.

"I don't want you to do this for the wrong reasons, Remy." He took another drag before answering her.

"What dose reasons, belle?"

"Don't do this for me. Do it because it's what you want for you. I don't want to be the reason for you being unhappy. I'd rather be lonely the rest of my life than you be unhappy because you did this for me and not you." He sighed and flicked his cigarette away, uncaring if it landed on the lawn and him another lecture by Storm.

"Dionysis, just let me come wit' you. Please?" He met her eyes, wanting to flinch as they clinically seemed to take in everything, evaluating and calculating things he could not even imagine. When she blinked and closed her eyes in acceptance, she looked every year as old as she felt. The male in him wanted to take charge, fix the problem, anything to keep her from ever looking so... defeated. Like she could see the future and knew there was nothing she could do to change it. He crouched in front of her, taking her hands in his. A part of his mind noted with surprise that her hands were not small and dainty like all the other women he seemed to know. Hers were a little larger than normal, powerful and sleek. Hands that were capable of so much, hands that would not break when most others' would. Just another little detail to be filed away in memory, another thing that made her so apart from anyone he had ever known.

"Trust Remy, cherie?" She groaned and pushed playfully on his shoulders. He rocked on the balls of his feet, catching himself by grabbing her knees.

"Not fair, babe, not fair. I won't say no to that and you know it. Fine, just promise me something?" He looked up at her, waiting for her to continue.

"Promise that if it's not working for you, you'll tell me? I'm not going to assume that it won't, but I just want you to be honest if it doesn't." He pulled her into his lap, rocking forward onto his knees. Holding her close to him, he smiled when she automatically nuzzled her face in the side of his neck. Trying not to let on that her subtle sniffing of his scent was tickling him, he whispered in her ear with all the sincerity that he had.

"Promise, amor."


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: They're not mine; I only have words to give. I'm just taking these wonderful characters and playing with them, wishing they were real

AN: Enjoy this chapter, because after this I'm going to make her life hell. So she can truly appreciate the good things in her life and all that happy horsesh!t.

The next few weeks were a time she would look on with great fondness. She, Jubilee, and Logan worked through the awkwardness that comes from distance and time, and she woke each day thankful to have her family back. Storm had made some noise over the fact that she had moved into Gambit's room permanently, but it amounted to nothing. That had been the last issue between the two of them before Storm seemed to give up. Di's plans of leaving were known, and probably factored into Storm's silence. After a lengthy discussion with Xavier that left her both grateful and resentful, somehow, she was the owner of a substantial piece of property in the Yukon, provided she made the laughable, low payments each month. Gambit had left for a few weeks to put his affairs in order in New Orleans, and it was those weeks that gave her no choice but to accept that maybe they were making the right decision. Because she did miss him, every minute of every day. And yet, she still did not believe she was in love with him. Nor was she with Logan, though she was less sure of that. Her body still reacted to his presence, but he was kind enough to never mention it, and allowed her to pretend it didn't happen every time he walked into a room. By the time Gambit had returned, most of their things had been shipped to their new home, and just the basics were left behind. She was, in essence, just waiting for him. Logan and Jubilee had decided to return to their home as well, as they had new neighbors. True, Di's home was more than 25 miles away, but she was still by far the closest person to their home.

It was everything she had ever wanted: freedom and family all in the same area. Much as she wanted to believe that she was going to finally get what she had earned through a harsh life, the survivor's voice told her not to put all her hopes on it.

She spent as much time with Hank and Scott as she could, keeping herself busy, stocking up on memories and time with friends that she would be able to see for some time. It had been bargained that she and Gambit would visit every December, staying the entire month. Only then had Hank been satisfied. Part of the bargain was that suckers could not be considered a Christmas present, she would get suckers every year regardless. In truth, part of her was glad that Gambit was not around to monopolize on her time. She never minded the fact that he did, but it felt good to devote such focused attention on her friends. Scott turned out to be a great sounding board for her Storm troubles. While he had been adamant about confronting the problem, she managed to convince him that nothing could really be done, that sometimes certain people just cannot get along. While he was not as accepting as she, he could not help but agree that with her leaving so soon, not much would be gained by bringing anything into the open. He certainly could not argue against her wanting her last week to be only pleasant.

And it had been, indeed, more than pleasant. Six days before she was scheduled to leave, four days before Gambit was to return from New Orleans, Jubilee and Logan announced that they were pregnant. She honestly did not know which she was more joyous about: the fact that her family was going to expand, or the fact that she felt no jealousy or any other negative emotion. It was a small proof that she was on the way to getting over her feelings for Logan. There was no way that she would ever get completely over her feelings, that saying about never forgetting your first love and all, but she figured that there was a point that would be as good as it got. She was finally getting there.

It felt strange to have things go well in her life for so long, but she was determined not to let her doubts ruin her last days there.

Jubilee and Logan had returned to the mansion the day before she was set to leave for several reasons. One: to let Hank check her out and give her materials to let her read up on her pregnancy needs. Two: to accompany Di back to her new home. Gambit had a delayed flight and would not arrive until the day they were supposed to leave, so Di enlisted Hank's help to get the last of Gambit's important possessions into their moving truck. That night, while the rest of the mansion was indulging in a baby shower for Jubilee, Di dragged Hank and rescued Scott from the party and they enjoyed a quiet night spent in the back of a bar.

Di and Hank helped Scott stumble out of the car, trying not to snicker.

"Ya know, Scott, you didn't have to get into that shot contest with us, 'cause honestly? You're a lightweight, babe."

He laughed and stumbled on a step, one hand clumsily reaching out to steady himself. Di rolled her eyes and looked to Hank, who sighed.

"Yes, I will take our sober-less leader to his room. You should get some sleep, Di. I doubt Gambit will drive the entire way to Canada." She smiled sleepily at him and gave them both a hug before disappearing up the main stairs. She opened the door to Gambit's room and started shedding clothes, not bothering to turn on the light. When she got down to her underwear, she slipped under the covers and rolled to the middle of the bed, sighing in content. It had been a wonderful night, full of memories that at least she and Hank would never forget.

She awoke to the feeling of someone running their fingers through her hair. Inhaling her first conscious breath of the day, she arched her back, stretching her arms and legs like a cat. A gentle smile curved her lips when she recognized the hand that was playing with her hair. Purring in the back of her throat, she turned her head to look into his red eyes.

"You just get back, Rem?" He nodded and stretched out next to her, on top of the cover. He entwined his hand with hers and she gave him a solemn gaze.

"Last chance to stay in civilization, Remy. Not a lot of loose women where we're going."

His sigh was enough to make her regret her words, especially when she realized how tired it sounded. A close look at him showed dark circles under his eyes and a droopiness to his face, as though he was too tired to hold it up.

"Remy not changed his mind, chere. Dis be da right decision for bot' a us. Remy tired, Cherie. Tired of dealin' with da Guild, tired of hearin' 'bout Rogue an' Joseph, tired of bein' a hero. Jes' wanna be Remy fo' a little while, nes pa?" She nodded and sat up, stretching her arms. Remy allowed himself to admire her while she got out of bed and pulled on her last pair of clothes that weren't unpacked. She grabbed her bag of essentials and headed into the bathroom, not bothering to close the door as she began her daily rituals. He waited for her to start putting on makeup before joining her, splashing cold water on his face to try and wake up. Once she was done, she put everything back into her bag and looked at him with a warm smile.

"Why don't you pack your travelling bag and I'll go make you some coffee? You can snooze as soon as we get outta here." He nodded tiredly and she hoisted her bag onto her shoulder, closing the door to his room for the last time. She made her way to the kitchen, noticing that even though she was up early, everyone was up as well.

"Morning, everyone. I'll be right back, gotta get Gambit some coffee before he falls asleep on his feet."

"He just get in, Di?" She nodded at Logan and grabbed the biggest coffee cup she could find, filling it with black coffee. Carefully taking the cup upstairs, she found him curled up on the bed, his travelling bag next to him. She snickered and debated whether to wake him up or not, but he had heard her and opened his eyes blearily.

"Dat coffee, chere?" She nodded and handed the cup to him, sitting on the floor in front of him. With her shoulders in-between his knees, it was automatic for him to rub her back with one hand. She let her head drop forward, content to let him rub her shoulder while he drank his coffee. How long it took him to finish it, she didn't care, but once his hand left her back she stood up, ignoring the lack of warmth on her back. He shouldered his bag and wrapped an arm around her shoulders as they made their way down to the kitchen. She took a seat next to Hank, cuddling up to him and stealing bacon when he wasn't looking. She was content to listen to everyone talk around her, enjoying the feeling of people; she knew it would be awhile before she would be back. She wanted to be sad that she had to leave, but one look at Ororo was the only reminder she needed that she was doing the right thing.

Di was curled up against Hank's side, who had piled more food on his plate and moved it so it was between them, when Charles cleared his throat. The table gradually became silent as people brought their different conversations to a pause. Charles looked at his family, his gaze lingering on the people soon to be leaving.

"I want to say good luck to the ones who are going out into the world; we hope they find nothing but happiness. It's not really a good bye, as we will be seeing them for at least one month at the end of the year, and to make sure that Hank doesn't forget to keep up his stock of suckers." He waited for the chuckles to die down.

"And congratulations to Jubilee and Logan on the happy news of a child in their future, you know to call us if you need anything. We look forward to seeing your family grow." He raised his glass as others clapped, waiting for glasses to rise with his.

"To our friends, who we will miss while they are gone."

"Chere, you need to go to town? Gambit runnin' low on beer." She chuckled and leaned her head out of the bathroom.

"Sure, I can go for some shopping. We need to go to the grocery story anyway. You wanna call Jubes and see if they want us to pick anything up while we're there?" He yelled back his agreement and she finished brushing her teeth. Six months had gone by, six months without the world ending, six months of peace and quiet. True, the locals still threw them suspicious looks and stared at her facial markings, but she knew that would never change. At least Gambit could hide his eyes with sunglasses. She did not like to go to town that often, as she always felt like she was on display. But, it was the way of the world, and not about to change because it made her uncomfortable. Pulling on her heavy coat, they climbed into their Jeep and started the long trip into the nearest town.

"What did Jubes say she needed?"

"Jus' the same stuff from da grocery and she need more bras. Logan still ripping dem off, apparently. She wan' us to check if da bebe bed come in yet." She nodded and propped her feet up on the dash board, looking at the snowy landscape around them. It had taken Remy some time to get used to the quiet, and having only one other person to keep him company, but it had helped deepen their friendship. She knew that though a part of her would always love Logan, she had a suspicion that she had broken her end of the promise; somewhere along the line she started to love Gambit as more than a friend. Which put her in an awkward position. She could not let him know how she felt, and if he felt the same way he would never tell her either, so she was very careful to never act any differently around him. Di knew that Gambit never used any of his empathic gifts on her, and that was the only reason her secret was still safe. Still, she had three friends that meant the world to her, and she was not going to risk losing one over something as stupid as what her heart wanted. She could hope, but it was a pipe dream and she knew it.

When they finally got to town it was around lunch time, and they walked down the main strip, ignoring the pointed looks and stares she always received, the occasional whisper of her being a mutant. Remy waited outside while she picked up Jubilee's bras and checked for the baby crib. It wasn't due for another week, so she joined Remy and they made their way to the grocery store. It took some skilled packing to get everything into the Jeep without crushing the more delicate food, but they managed. Knowing it was cold enough outside that their food would keep, they wandered through a few stores, stopping whenever one of them saw something of interest. It was the kind of day you would spend with a husband or a wife, full of laughter and inside jokes. They stopped for dinner at the only restaurant, slipping into the bar and choosing a booth in a corner. It never ceased to amaze them when they could go an entire trip without getting into a fight, or having anything bad happen to them just because they were mutants. Sure, people were cautious, but Di and Gambit had never made any trouble and were always respectful, so they were largely left alone. When Di caught Gambit's eye wandering to a brunette sitting alone at the bar, she rolled her eyes and inhaled the rest of her food.

"Hey, Rem, I'm gonna go try to catch a movie, why don't you go get some dessert?" she nodded her head in the direction of the woman. He gave her a wolfish smile before sliding gracefully out of his side of the booth. She kept a small smile on her face until she was out of the restaurant before letting it fall. It was the same thing every time. She would catch a movie, or lose herself in the bookstore for a few hours so he could get laid. She really was the perfect friend, as sometimes it had been many hours before he would find her. He had been reluctant at first, but she had assured him that now that they didn't have to pretend to be dating, there was no reason for him to not pick up women when they were in town. Di had taken to keeping a sleeping bag in the Jeep for those few times that he was gone long enough for all the businesses to close down for the night. She turned in the direction of the movie theater, but decided her heart just wasn't in it. Taking her spare key out of her purse, she stretched out on the seat and zipped herself into her sleeping bag. Suddenly she felt like just sleeping the rest of the day away.

"Fuck it."

When he had already checked the theatre and the bookstore without finding her, he headed straight for the Jeep. Sure enough, she was curled up in a decidedly uncomfortable-looking ball in her chair, only the top of her head visible in the sleeping bag. He frowned, knowing that most of the movies were still showing; he had not been with the brunette long. Wondering why she chose the cold of the vehicle over being warm inside, he questioned yet again whether she was ok with their arrangement. Sure, she always insisted that he go after whatever woman was available, but he was tempted to feel her out. No woman he had ever met was ok with that kind of arrangement for long, especially since she never was able to get any companionship herself. They had talked about her virginity only once, and it had disturbed him. She seemed to be of the opinion that she would never find anyone in life, that something would always get in the way. He could understand how her chances of finding someone in this town were nonexistent, but he felt guilty every time, knowing she had to be a little bit jealous. It was human nature. But every time he tried to talk about it, to see if there was any jealousy or her feelings had changed about him going out every trip, she just brushed him off. Still, he knew that ultimately he would never use his empathy on her, as it would be crossing an imaginary line they had drawn a long time ago.

Turning on the Jeep, he cranked the heater up and nudged her gently.

"Di, wake up. It's time to go home." Her head popped out of the bag and she gave him a small smile.

"Ready?" He nodded at her and pulled the Jeep out of their parking spot, marveling that they were able to leave their vehicle unattended without fear of it being stolen. He couldn't deny that one good thing about country life.

The drive home was quiet, with her obviously caught up in her thoughts. She seemed to be just a little withdrawn, and he had no way of knowing if it was because of what he had been doing, if she needed to go see Logan and Jubilee, or if something else was on her mind.

"Di?" She looked away from the window at him, noticed the slight frown on his face, and instantly plastered a smile on hers.

"Yeah, Rem? You ok? You missing being around people? We can always go into town more often, or you could go by yourself." His frown became just a little deeper; he knew she was trying to keep the focus on him instead of her.

"Non, Remy fine. Remy t'ink you be sad 'bout somet'ing and not wan' tell Remy." She opened her mouth to deny it, but he was looking at her so gravely that she didn't have the heart to tell him any white lies.

"Remy, I'll admit I'm a little lonely, but that's just the way it is right now. I don't want you to feel guilty about having some fun when we're in town. Don't worry about it, I'll be ok. Just get a little mopey every once in a while." He desperately wished he could use his empathy to see how much of the truth that actually was, but she was being careful to keep her face neutral, merely looking back at him.

"You not hiding anyt'ing from Gambit, are you chere? Gambit don' need to play wit' de femmes every time. Not if it make la belle sad." She gave him a sad smile and looked at the dash board, unable to meet his eyes. It felt too close to a lie.

"No, I'm fine. No reason both of us should have blue balls. And I don't even have to worry about blue balls anyway." She looked back out her window, hoping he would just drop the subject, and even though she could feel that he wasn't happy with her answers, he said nothing more until they got home. The negative silence continued once they got inside. She felt guilty for avoiding his questions, and it burned in her gut like shame. There was nothing more she could really say to him without possibly spilling being in love with him. He knew she was holding things back, something that made any friendship a little tense. He was just worried she would run if things got too tense, and with nowhere to run, she could disappear. It's not like it wouldn't have been the first time. He settled under the covers of his bed and decided to call Jubilee the next day. They had to drop off her stuff anyway, but he wanted Jubilee to try and get Di to talk to her if she wouldn't with him.


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: They're not mine; I only have words to give. I'm just taking these wonderful characters and playing with them, wishing they were real.

Hi, I'm back. I've gotta say, those months when it was just Remy and I at the cabin were some of the best months of my life. I know, I know, that was clue number one that shit was going to turn around on me, huh? But you gotta enjoy the good times while you have them. I knew he was worried about me, because the next day he was really affectionate. I mean, we always were, but it was like he was trying to reassure me or something by touching me all the time. Holding my hand or rubbing my shoulders, stuff that he did anyway, but a whole lot more. We had to go to Jubes' to drop off their food and her clothes, which was nice. It's a lot easier to ignore my own problems when you're with your friends. And girl time is always nice.

Jubes was just starting to show, and she looked so adorable. All glowing and shit. Logan seemed to smile every time he looked at her, and I don't think he even realized he was doing it. It was nice to see them both so happy; it's better to drown in someone else's happiness than in your own lack of. So the guys take off for fishing or chopping down trees, or whatever guys do when they're alone. Us girls sat in the kitchen and just talked. Lotta baby talk, names, boy or girl, that sort of thing. And then she said something that made it very obvious that Remy had gotten to her.

"So, Di, are you and Gambit doing ok out there by yourselves? I know it's gotta be hard, what with me being pregnant and Gambit doing the entire population of Myrtle." Now, how in the hell do I answer that one?

"Well, I admit I'm a little lonely, but it's no big deal. At least I'm safe, and I have a home. Those are two things I've never really had before. It's enough for now. And you being pregnant has nothing to do with anything, Jubes. I'm really happy for you." It's enough of the truth for now, and maybe if I pretend it's the whole truth long enough, it will be one day. Now I'm just hoping she believes me.

"You sure you're ok? It's not weird living with Gambit all by yourselves? I'm surprised he's lasted this long without going crazy."

"Yeah, it's all good. I think he's just enjoying it for now. I'm sure he'll go back some time, so I'm just enjoying it. And I'll be ok when he does."

"Well, we'll probably need a lot of help when the baby comes, so at least you won't be by yourself all day long for weeks at a time. Logan's been talking about adding a second cabin for you when you stay over, has been since we found out about the baby. It'll mean a lot to him to have the help." Logan and his feelings having anything to do with me is not something I want to think about. Time to steer the conversation away from me again. Sigh.

"Is he excited to be a dad? He can't stop grinning when he looks at you. It's kinda cute."

"Yeah, I think he's a little worried that he'll screw it up somehow, but that's why there's two of us. He'll be fine. If he could raise me through the teenager years, then he's got nothing to worry about. But enough about us, have you talked to the mansion lately?"



"Naw, been busy getting ready for winter. Gambit only seems to like chopping wood when I'm around to admire him. I swear, that man looses more shirts when I'm outside. I think flirting is such a habit for him, he doesn't realize that I'm his best friend, not a potential roll around his sack." Jube thought that was pretty funny, and it's even better because it's true. But then she gave me that look when she knows something you don't want her to know, and I knew I was fucked.

"Sounds to me like you wish you were rolling around his sack."

"Jubilee!" Yes, pretend to be shocked, scandalized, and laughing at the absurdity of it all. I thought I did a pretty good job, but she wasn't laughing with me.

"Di, you can't pull that shit on me, I always catch you. You're starting to really love him, aren't you?" There's no amount of self-control in the world that could keep that sigh from coming out. Just not possible.

"Yes, and I'm totally screwed. We promised each other that we wouldn't when we started pretending to be dating. I can't tell him I broke that promise, and even if he feels the same way, he won't tell me for the exact same reasons. It seemed like a good idea at the time, and now it's totally biting me in the ass. And every time we go into town, I have to pretend that I'm totally cool with him picking up some chick and screwing her brains out while I sit in the coffee shop with my thumb up my ass. I swear to God I'm gonna die single and a virgin. The virgin part I can live with, really, it's the fact that I just can't seem to get a man. and the timing right, at the same time. It's like karma is pissed at me for something, and I have no idea what I did wrong." Little too heavy into my problems, and if I make them too important-sounding, she'll tell Logan. I do NOT want Logan to know that I'm lonely, miserable, and desperate for a man. No, I'm pretty determined to keep what little pride I have, thank you. So, plaster on the accepting face and figure out how to change the subject.

"What if he loves you too, Di? We both see how you guys are together. You act like an old married couple. Maybe you just need to be patient and it could all work out. You never know."

"Ok, if I tell you why it would never work, then can we talk about something else?"

"Sure."

"There's one big difference between Remy and I. My first love is married and happy, and about to have a baby. So no matter what, I would never go back to Logan for any reason, because of you. My first love is done and over, there's no way to change that. Rogue is another story. She's with Joseph, but that could change anytime. And you know the importance of your first love, Jubes. There's always that draw. Remy could never really move on without resolving Rogue, figuring out whether his love for her is done or not. So I'm ready to move on, but I really don't think he is. Does that make sense?" She had to give me that, and I could tell that she really didn't want to, but you can't argue with logic.

"Can you do me a favor and not tell Logan my man woes? We'll just pretend that I'm happy being single, and maybe one day it'll actually be true." The one good thing about girl conversations is the amount that is said without being said. That and she really knows what I mean, beyond what I'm actually saying.

"Sure. You are happy, like complete enlightenment happy and no one needs to worry about a thing, because if it comes to that, I'll be the first to know."

"Exactly."

You know that saying that goes something like, 'I hate being right?' Well, it's totally true. I was still staring at the phone, and I knew that as soon as I put it back on the receiver, then reality would set in, and I'd have to face it. So I kept staring at it, not thinking, trying to keep my mind as blank as possible. If I could just keep time still for a few more minutes, or hours, then maybe I'd suddenly be ready for what I knew is going to happen? Probably not, but this short break from reality was all I was going to get, and I felt no guilt in milking it as long as I could.

I have no idea how long I was standing there, honestly, and I probably would have stayed there forever if Gambit hadn't come in. He took the phone from my hands and gently put it back, taking my face into his hands and looking at me with one of the most serious looks I have ever seen. Especially when I couldn't seem to make myself look at him for a minute. Or two.

"Di? What happened? You ok?" Ok, time to face the music, and incidentally show Jubilee how wise I am in the ways life can screw with me.

"You need to go back to New York, Remy. Rogue needs you." That seemed to stop him cold, like when a guy gets kneed in the balls and it takes a few seconds before time starts moving again and he actually feels it. I could tell he had so many thoughts going through his head, and the thing that made me really sad, is that I knew that about half of them are of me. How bad was it? Should he really leave me? Was she ok?

"Joseph is dead. Scott called to say that he thought you might want to go back, at least for a while. I can call and make a reservation for you if you pack. We can get you on the next flight back home." His home now, not mine. I knew he was not coming back, but he didn't. He's a guy, he wouldn't figure it out until later. Me, I was already thinking to make sure I had enough boxes left to send the rest of his stuff back to New York. I was sure I would.

"Rogue needs me? She ok?" Talking about himself in the first person, yes, he was really shaken up.

"If Scott thinks she could use you being around, then I definitely think she needs you. And if she was hurt, he would have told me. Now go pack, Gambit. I'll call the airlines." He was halfway to his bedroom before he stopped and looked at me. I'll give him credit for stopping before he was completely packed.

"You sure, chere? Gambit don' wan' leave you if you need him." I think I made sainthood just for the performance alone, not to mention the fact that I was putting all my needs and wants secondary to his. Yep, just call me Mother Dionysis. I expect my call from the Vatican any day now.

"Gambit, you have stayed with me for quite a while now, and Rogue just lost someone very important to her. She needs you much more than I do. Now get packing. Just pack the essentials, and I'll send the rest later." He gave me a funny look, then, like he suspected a truth and didn't have the time to really look at it.

"Why you packin' all Remy's stuff later, chere? Gambit not moving back to New York." Careful, girl, don't smile a sad smile, just one that tells him he isn't thinking clearly.



"Gambit, someone died. You aren't going to be there for a few days. It could be months before Rogue is ok. You can always bring everything back." But I knew he wouldn't. God, no one ever tells you that the end of the world can happen so calmly. I was seriously hoping that he would say 'screw it' and stay with me, not that I was delusional enough to actually think it would happen. So I left him to pack and called the airport, finding the quickest flight out to New York. Then I placed two more calls. One to the mansion to let them know when someone should be there to pick him up, and one to Jubilee. I was chickening out of taking him to the airport. I said sainthood, not angelhood. Two minutes was all I needed to explain the situation to Jubes, who promptly told Logan that she needed him to take Gambit to the airport. Why couldn't I do it? She was upset about Joseph's death and needed some girl time. He may have suspected it was at least partially bullshit, but with Jube's hormones kicking in, he was not suicidal enough to actually say it. Sure, that meant that Logan would find out later why I couldn't take him, but right then it was worth it. I would deal with Logan knowing how sad my life was later. I yelled to Remy that he had a couple of hours before Logan would be there to get him. Again, Remy was smart enough not to question Jube's sudden need of female companionship, but I saw the knowledge in his eyes. He knew why I wouldn't be taking him. He sat me down on the couch and pulled me into his lap, and it suddenly occurred to me that it would be the last time I was ever there. So I shamelessly enjoyed every second of it, memorizing the smell of his coat, the way his fingers seemed to glide through my hair, anything I could possibly commit to memory.

"Chere, you sure you gon' be ok without Remy?" Was I sure I would be ok with the fact that he wasn't going to be coming back was what he really meant.

"I'll have to be. It's the way things are. She needs you now more than I do. And you need to be there for her." Because you love her.

"Chere, you know Remy love you, non?" I couldn't keep from looking at him, and I saw that he was definitely not looking at me like a best friend. That would explain the sadness in his eyes as well.

"Yeah, but she came first." He nodded and gave me my second kiss ever. It was very different from the way Logan had kissed me. I think it shocked him when I started laughing, the kind that usually turns into crying, but I was able to keep myself from doing that. He didn't need this to be any more difficult than it had to be; he had enough to worry about with Rogue.

"Why Remy kiss you and you laugh at Remy?"

"No, Gambit, it's not because you kissed me. Well, it is. Logan was my first kiss, and I had to let him go. You are my second, and I'm letting you go. It seems to be bad luck for me when I get kissed. It's always the end of something." He hugged me tightly, figuring that to smile or laugh with me would be the wrong thing to do. We sat there until Logan pulled up, honking his horn. We both stood up and gave each other a hug. He tried to lean in for one last kiss, but I leaned back, shaking my head.

"Only one kiss per admission." I wished I could have taken those words back the second they came out, but I could tell by the way his eyes got just a little bit bigger that he got both meanings. So I gave him another quick hug, not wanting to know if he got mad at me for basically telling him I had given up on him as anything other than a friend. You gotta protect yourself at some point, right? I just had no intention of telling him that in case it made him think twice about actually coming back if he wanted to. Shit, I fuck up everything, don't I?

So, one last hug and he was out the door.



I didn't head for Jube's for another couple hours, and I was still all blotchy and puffy when I got there. Jubilee pulled me into a hug and never said a word. I love that girl for understanding me so well.

I don't know what's more embarrassing, Logan knowing what went on between me and Gambit, or that he figured the whole damned thing out himself by the time he got back. At least he had the grace to go to bed fairly quickly, for which I will love him forever. Jube and I stayed up for a long time, quietly talking girl talk, letting me vent things that I knew she would never tell Logan just because they were too personal. Too girly. She wanted me to stay the night, as it was early in the morning when she was ready to go to sleep, but I kept refusing. Only when I told her I wanted to get his stuff boxed and sent as soon as possible did she let me go. I needed time alone, as it's really the only way I knew how to deal with bad things. It worked for me, so fuck off if you don't approve.

It was probably a week later that Logan showed up at my house while I was chopping wood. He helped me finish my chopping in a fraction of the time and I made us lunch. We were sitting on the porch drinking coffee when he finally got around to why he was there.

"I'm the last person in the world ta give you advice about love, darlin', but don't count Gumbo out 'til he really is."

"I appreciate the vote of confidence in him, hun, I really do, but it's not realistic. I have even worse luck than you do when it comes to this shit, so I guess I got a lot more tries before I get it right. It's ok, Logan, I've kinda come to accept that I'm just not supposed to have someone right now. Maybe if I stop wanting it so bad, then I'll actually get it."

"Well, if that's what you need to do ta git through the day, then I ain't the person ta judge ya fer it. Just think there's nuthin' wrong with keeping a little hope in yer heart."

"Nothing wrong with it, I just can't afford it. You'll see, and then I'll be glad I didn't. How's Jubes? She feeling it yet?" He nodded in acceptance of the subject change with an ironic smile.

"She's drivin' me crazy with them damn hormones, and I've had ta learn how to rub her feet real damn quick, but otherwise she's fine. She worries 'bout you, by yerself out here. She's hopin' you'll break in that new cabin I jes' finished. We gotta head ta the mansion in a few weeks fer her last check up, and then she's only got 'nother month before she's due. You'll stay with us when we git back, right? As a personal favor fer me?" I couldn't help but laugh at the poor man. Most men seem to have limitless patience when it comes to their pregnant wives, but that doesn't mean they aren't above trying to get a momentary reprieve. It was the least I could do, seeing's how he managed to talk to me about Gambit without depressing me or embarrassing me.

"Soon as you get back I'll make sure to put pictures of flowers and shit up on the walls." He gave me a chuckle for that, knowing damn well I would do no such thing. He pulled out a cigar, and I reached for a cigarette, having missed someone to smoke with the last few days. We were quiet for quite some time before he spoke in a quiet tone, one I have only heard once – when he asked me to go with him to this world.



"I know that in another life, you and I would probably be tagether, I jus' wanna tell ya how much it means ta me that you let us back in yer life. I'd be lyin' if I said I wasn't pissed at you girls fer decidin' my life fer me, but I understand that you weren't lookin' at it like that. I know how easy it is to jus' say 'fuck it' and run away, and yer a better, stronger person fer not doin' it. Lord knows I always ran when it got hard. I can tell that you've let go of the dream of us, an' I jus' wanna say sorry fer whatever it's worth. Sorry that this life keeps turnin' out ta be jus' as hard as the one I took ya from." His words were slow and pronounced, as though each one was trying to impart some wisdom, or bare his soul. Maybe both. Probably both.

"Logan, you did it for the right reasons, and it was my choice. If I'm supposed to have a hard life, the location isn't going to change anything. Maybe I should just stop trying to fight it and see what happens. Besides, we have the baby to take care of pretty soon, and there's nothing worth more than a new addition to the Loganites, right?"

"Yeah, we learned from how we treated the last new one. This one we'll all take care of; no one gets left behind." We shared a chuckle, and it felt good to know that I could finally laugh at that particular bad memory. Guess there was hope for me after all.

"Well, you should probably get back. Don't want to leave her by herself for too long, just in case her feet get sore." I loved the groan I got for that one, because it's not like she could ask him to go to the store for ice cream and pickles at two in the morning, so foot rubs were easy street, man. I walked him back to his Jeep, and after a hug he hopped in and started it up. Thinking he was taking off, I started back into the house when he called my name.

"I almost fergot ta tell ya. Jubes'll be takin' off ta California after we see Hank fer a few days ta see her old Gen X'ers. I thought maybe you could help me git all the baby stuff set up so that it's all done when she gets back, like a surprise?"

"Sure. Just come get me on your way back home. Gimme a head's up when you get to the airport and I'll be ready." He waved his good bye and took off. That night was some of the best sleep I had gotten in a long time.

The first time I went into town on my own was hell. I guess it never occurred to me how much shit I was spared because Gambit was with me, but boy did I find out. The grocery shopping was no big deal, I left it in the Jeep like always. I went to a couple stores, to see if Jube's crib was in yet, and picked up a present I had ordered for her at the same time. When I went back to the Jeep to put them in there while I did my usual window shopping, I saw that the Jeep had been broken into. Not just broken into, but my groceries were stolen, the back windows were all smashed in, two of my tires were slashed, and at least one person had keyed the shit out of the paint. Not that I care about my paint job, but that's not the point. So I ended up having to put the Jeep into the shop for a couple new tires, and they put a temporary plastic fix on the windows. It would be a cold drive home. Oh, and they stole the sleeping bag that I always used when Gambit was gone. Still don't know if I'm glad or sad about losing that bag. I think it's a little bit of both. Part of me is glad to never have to see it again, and the other part keeps reminding me it's one of the few things I have left to remind me physically of him. Oh well, it's gone and done now. I thought it would be wise to not go to the restaurant for dinner, just in case, so I ate at a gas station. Ever notice how nasty gas station food is? Is it really food? Hmmm. Now, even though Xavier had said I had to make payments on the land and cabin, I guess he was really joking, because it turned out that I got a 

monthly allowance like everyone else did. And I was thanking my lucky stars I never spent a lot, because buying more groceries, Jube's present, two new tires and plastic for the windows, and the motel I would have to pay to spend the night in was a lot more than I was planning on spending in one day. I wasn't broke, I just hated wasting money. It's a childhood thing. So I got some more munchies from the convenience store and was headed to the motel, trying to make sure I remembered all the groceries I would have to re-buy the next day, and that's pretty much all I remember.

I woke up the next morning groggy as hell and in an alley. Now, by in an alley, I mean in a dumpster. I wasn't so hard up for money that I would ever dream of saving a few bucks; the smell alone made it totally not worth it. When I tried to sit up to get out of people's leftover food, I very quickly figured out why I was dumped there. There was blood everywhere. The smell of my own blood and the garbage was enough to make me throw up immediately, and that's when the pain hit me. It was like the mother of all cramps, then a sledgehammer to the stomach, and kinda like I had been doing the splits for a few hours. I can't do the splits, by the way. It was early enough that I couldn't really see anything, so I spent probably a good ten, fifteen minutes just getting out of that damned dumpster. I'll never be able to look at one again. When I finally got out, I saw that I was not wearing any clothes. Then I saw the bruises that were everywhere, but especially on my chest and legs, and damn if I didn't want to just sit down on the cold street and die. Now, anyone who had ever been raped will tell you that they either reacted one of two ways: they lose touch with reality for a second, or they go numb. I went numb. My only thought was to make sure Logan never found out. He would kill everyone, at least all the males, in town. And Jubes couldn't handle that kinda stress, not as far along as she was getting. And they would be expecting me sometime today to drop off their groceries. Oh shit, I still had to get the Jeep and get groceries. Ok, get my stuff done, get outta town, then worry about the damage. First thing, figure out where I'm bleeding, besides the obvious. I had a nasty gash across my hipbone and no idea how it got there. They musta knocked me out and drugged me, because I feel fuzzy. Which, by the way, is also helping with the temporary denial. I love drugs. Now, the last thing I ever want to do right now is go out in the open, where there are men, but I have no choice. Can't let Logan and Jube find out. So I search around the alley and find my clothes. They're ripped and torn, but still wearable; did you really think they were going to take them off and fold them up for me nicely? But I could live looking like a hobo for a few hours, at least until a shop opened up that I could buy more clothes at. I slipped back into the convenience store's bathroom and cleaned up as best as I could, padding the places still bleeding with tissue paper. I went to the restaurant, ignoring the looks, and got breakfast, thankful I could actually keep it down. The rest is kinda a blur to me. I know I got the groceries and the Jeep and got home, I just don't actually remember any details. Personally I think it's for the best, the less I remember the better.

I put my groceries away and had her present stashed and was all ready to go. All I had to do was burn my clothes and hope to god I could scrub the smell of other men off me so Logan couldn't sniff it. Oh shit, I was still bleeding and it was totally not the time for that. Hopefully he would be like most men and not keep track of that stuff; most don't.

Three showers later, I felt pretty confident that there was no evidence left of what happened, besides the bruises and the cut. Stitching it up was pretty easy, and as sick as this sounds, the fact that I was unconscious kept me from having too much damage from the actual rape. I just hoped Logan wouldn't notice that I wasn't bleeding the way it should smell. I still remember how creeped out Jubes and I were when he told us that regular blood and … the other kind had very different smells. I looked at myself in the mirror and felt like it really wasn't my face. So, obviously still kinda numb. That was good, hoped it lasted until I could get away. I would be telling the truth when I said that I got back late and just wanted to get home. Maybe I could actually pull this off. No, I had to. Think of Jubes, think of Logan, who 

apparently felt enough guilt for bringing me here as it was. Yes, I had every reason to lie to them, if necessary. I was protecting them from shit they really didn't need right then. Deep breaths. Ok.

Sure, Logan had lotsa questions about the Jeep, and I was kinda embarrassed that I had totally forgotten about that. So I told him what happened, which explained why I got back so late. They were both concerned about me going into town alone again, and I had absolutely no problem when they demanded that Logan go with me from now on. It was either that I probably would have lived off the land. I didn't ever want to go into town ever again, but I had to. At least some times. As weird as it kinda was, Jubes was totally mothering me, and it felt nice. But I still made my excuses as soon as I could and got the hell outta there, hopin' to God they believed that I was ok.

I really don't want to bore anyone with the emotional shit involved with dealing with rape; a lot of it is repetitious and kinda scary. Let's just say that I didn't receive any visitors for a few weeks, didn't see the inside of my cabin for almost the same amount of time, and yes, I get the irony. That I could be tested on by two separate groups, both less than scrupulous, and I lose my virginity to a small town hick. Yeah, I get it. Haha, life can kiss my ass. Ok, done with that, don't want to discuss it again.

You know how bad things come in threes? Isn't that how the saying goes? Now, I bet you're smart enough to guess what bad thing number three is, aren't you? Sure, got a call from Re-Gambit. He wasn't Remy anymore after that. The shitty thing is, I got the call when I was with Jube and Logan. I was sitting in their living room, having just finished dinner and the dishes. My phone rang and I saw it was the mansion, so I figured it was Hank or Scott. Nope, it was Remy. If I had seen his number I would have ignored it and called when I got back home, but instead I answered it.

"Di?" Oh shit. I couldn't get out onto the front porch fast enough.

"Yeah, Gambit, what's up? How's Rogue?"

"Roguey doin' fine, chere. She be gettin' betta. Remy need t' talk t' you 'bout Rogue, chere."

"Remy, we both knew this would happen when you left. You don't need to say it."

"Oui, Remy owe you dat much, chere. You know Rogue an' Remy getting' back t'getha. Nobody else knows yet. You da first, Cherie."

"Ok, thanks for telling me, Gambit. I know you guys'll be happy; you deserve it."

"Chere, you ever gon' call Remy by his name or is it always be Gambit now?"

"It has to be Gambit now. That's just the way it has to be." Almost lost it, but somehow I managed to keep my voice from giving out.

"We still be friends, right?" Fuck, he's talking about himself in first person. Yeah, he's worried.

"Yeah, I'll just be busy with Jubes and the baby pretty soon." In other words, I need time.

"You comin' down wit' dem to visit us?"



"No." Maybe I didn't try all that hard not to be short with him, but there was no way in hell I was going to go near the mansion anytime soon. Fuck that.

"Ok, den Gambit call after you have a couple a months t' help da bebe and da petite. Gambit will miss his best frien', chere."

"I'll miss you too, Gambit. I already do. I'm glad you're happy with Rogue. I gotta go; I'm with Jube and Logan right now. Bye Gambit." I barely waited for him to say goodbye before hanging up and walking back into the house. They were both quietly waiting for me, and as much as I wanted nothing more than to take off, I knew I couldn't. It hurt too much, and I didn't want to be running away from it. Maybe I was finally starting to grow up. Don't hold your breath. I looked right at Logan, knowing he would remember our conversation.

"This's all I'm going to say, and then I want to try and forget about it for the night. I told you so." He nodded and moved over so I could sit in the middle of the couch, where I could get the most consolation.


	17. Chapter 17

Usual reminder that they're not mine, don't hurt me for going all Mr. Roger's neighborhood on them. I don't own Mr. Roger's neighborhood either.

AN: Ok, folks, this is where the shit gets deep. I know this will probably upset a lot of you, so to you I say I am sorry. CHARACTER DEATH. Just don't assume that you know how this is going to turn out, because I'm actually open to different ideas. I think I know where this is going in the long run, but if someone gives me an idea that I like better, I just might use it, with props of course. Deep breaths, people.

So, we are all in agreement that my life has turned to crap. Anyway, Logan and Jubes left for New York, and I spent that time getting my cabin packed away. Most people wouldn't have to worry about something happening to their cabin, especially as out in the middle of nowhere as I am, but this is me, remember? If shit's gonna happen to someone, it's gonna be me. So I used all manners of traps and trip lines to discourage human and animal alike from making themselves comfortable at my home. That only took about a week. Logan was going to be gone for another three weeks, Jubes four. What did I do? I chopped wood I didn't need, I fished and froze everything, I took up sketching, created a whole new style of yoga, anything to pass the time. Once I was focused on distracting myself, it was kind of shocking how fast the time went. It was kinda nice to not brood over the latest tragedy in my life and just keep busy. Have to try it the next time something happened.

So I got a call from Logan one night, pretty late, and he apologized for not being able to get back any sooner, but that's just the way the flights went. Like I cared, but the thought behind it was nice. I had honestly been worried that being alone with him for a week, especially being newly on the 'market' (yes, I'm trying not to laugh at the comedy that is my relationship status, feel free to laugh for me), I could see how it would just almost be human nature to get closer to someone you spend a lot of time with. Especially because I had already loved and lost him. I was probably a little quiet and guarded the first few days, I'll admit it, but I wasn't rude. I was just trying to prevent my heart from doing something we would all regret. He was a good sport about it, didn't bring it up, just let me relax on my own terms. By the third day I was fairly sure I could treat him as a best friend without falling madly in love with him. He noticed the difference the next day, and when he asked why, we both had a good laugh about it. See? I was getting better. I was actually starting to know for certain that I could be around that man for the couple months they would need help with the baby, and I could do it without any number of bad things happening. If I could do that with Logan, I could do it with Remy, and that meant that I would be able to open up for someone else someday. And I didn't even have to spend a hundred dollars an hour to have some complete stranger tell me that while I was on some damn couch! Yep, life was lookin' up. Jubes was supposed to be home in a couple days, and then it was just a matter of time before we welcomed the newest part of our family. It was enough for me to be completely content, some of the happiest days I would ever remember.

The first clue we had that something was wrong was Kurt 'bamfing' into the living room. I was in the guest cabin by then, but had been sleeping in the main cabin so we didn't waste any firewood. And honestly, his couch was more comfortable than my own bed, so no loss there. But Kurt woke me in the middle of the night, scaring the lovin' shit out of me, yelling and screaming for Logan to wake up. It wasn't necessary, because he had woken up the second Kurt had 'bamfed' anyway, but I'm sure Kurt would have realized that if he wasn't panicking. And he was completely panicked, almost in tears. We didn't even have a chance to try and get him to calm down, tell us what was wrong, before he grabbed Logan and was gone. A second later he was back and let me tell you I never want to travel that way ever again. I recognized the med lab, from being there so often myself, and it was complete chaos. People were running around, some with purpose, some without. It was kind of scary to see people that lived with danger on a daily basis to be losing it like that. I tried to find Logan, but he was gone in the rush of people, and I was a little scared to move. I felt a touch at my elbow and I turned to see Gambit. Normally this would have been a highly awkward moment, but the look in his eyes was anything but awkward. He was always good at hiding his emotions, but right then they were crystal clear. He was afraid for me. Very afraid. I opened my mouth to ask just what the fuck was going on, but the sound of Logan roaring drowned out everything else. Everyone just seemed to freeze for a second, and I swear on all that I have ever held holy that I have never heard a sound like that in all my days.

It was the kind of sound that made all the hair on your neck and arms go straight up, like someone had just stepped over your grave, or anything else that makes a shiver go down your spine.

People seemed to be floating behind me, and only when I was at the doorway did I realize I had moved. Logan was standing at a bed, looking down at someone. I don't remember walking to the bed, but I remember how peaceful Jubes looked, like she was sleeping. I have no idea how long I was there, no idea if Logan had left or not, the only thing that existed as far as I was concerned was that bed. I could see her huge belly sticking up through the sheet, and blood stains. I think I put my hand on her belly, trying to see if the kid would kick my hand as he/she had so many times. And it occurred to me that I wished they had decided to know the sex of the kid, so I would have known which one it was. Now I would never want to know. I remember smelling Gambit's cigarettes and hands on my arms, but when those hands tried to pull me away from her, I got scared. I didn't want to leave her. That was the whole reason Logan had built the cabin for me, was so that I could be close when the baby came. I was supposed to take care of them when Logan got the itch to get out for a night and run with the wolves or whatever it is that he does. That was why I was there, right? To not leave her. So why were they trying to pull me away?

I know I fought hard, probably caused quite a scene, and I have no recollection of screaming stuff, which I apparently was. I just knew I had to stay with her. It wasn't until Logan grabbed me, locked my arms over my chest, and growled through his chest into mine, that I realized it was him, and therefore safe. Logan was one of the family, and the only other person in my world besides Jubes. So when he slowly pulled me away, I let him. If he wanted me to back away from Jubes, I knew it had to be for a good reason, and as he was her husband and the head of our family, I deferred to him. I don't remember Hank sedating me because I had already shut off from reality. Apparently it didn't work, and they couldn't risk OD'ing me by giving me another one, so Logan had tried to hand me off to Gambit. Logan later told me that as soon as I smelled Gambit around me, I freaked and tried to get back to Jubes. Now, I understand that they didn't have time to deal with me losing it, but I wasn't really able to pull the pieces of me together, so I don't feel bad that I was a little bit of an inconvenience; the end of the world does warrant some added measure of patience. I remember Scott, and Logan pulling Scott's arms around me. I know he growled at me to stay, but I was too caught up in the fact that I had never realized how safe Scott smelled. Not anything like Logan, but the same alpha male kinda feeling. It was enough to keep me from moving, and I'm sure that's why Logan chose him.

I think I must have dozed or passed out or something, because I woke up on a couch, Scott still holding me. And by holding me, I mean he was as comfortable as he could get given that I had a death grip on his arms. I looked around, seeing that we were in the waiting room, and the only other person there was Logan. He was slumped down in a wooden chair, and I could practically feel the neck ache he would have. My eyes were pulled to the door to the lab, and I must have made some sort of noise, because Logan and Scott were both instantly awake. Scott jerked behind me, pulling his arms back in a way that made me think they were giving him a lotta pain. Like he hadn't moved them in days or something. Logan cracked his neck, wincing, and came over to crouch down in front of me.

"Ya ok, darlin'?" It was very hard to pull my eyes away from the door, and I think I only managed it because it was Logan.

"So I wasn't dreaming?" He shook his head, killing my wild hope that it wasn't true.

Now, just bear with me here, but have you ever gone through a whole thought process that seems like it took a few minutes, or it was a few minutes' worth of thoughts, but it actually happened in a second or two? Because I realized a lot of things that I thought took me a while, but apparently took me only a second. This is what I knew: I knew Jubes was gone, and so was her baby. I knew that Logan had lost his wife, and I had lost my best friend. We both had lost our family, and what we both considered the core, the center of our universes. I knew that I would not be able to live or even think about moving on with my life until the people responsible for taking the center of my universe away were dead. And I wanted the pleasure of killing them. I wanted their blood on my hands, I wanted to taste it and give it up as a sacrifice. I wanted them, and everyone they had ever loved, to die. Now, I knew I wouldn't kill everyone they loved, as that would make me no better than them, but I wanted to. And I knew that no one in the mansion would condone me doing so. So I would have to very careful not to give anyone a hint of what I was thinking. I wasn't in a rage, I was very calmly thinking about what I needed to do so I could get away from the mansion and start hunting. I would worry about the consequences later, but I was not going to let the people who killed my nephew/niece live. It wasn't right, fair, or morally equitable. So I needed to get as much information out of people as I could, and then I would go do what needed to be done, what no one at the mansion was morally capable of doing. Me, I had no problem with it. I had a feeling I would sleep much better at night once it was done. And that I wouldn't be sleeping in the meantime. That being said and decided, my second was up and I was back to my conversation with Logan - again being very carefully calm.

"Who killed her? What happened? How did this happen?" I only cared about the answer to the first question, but I had to ask the others so Logan wouldn't get suspicious. He was already kinda leery enough as it was that I was holding a normal conversational tone. But I didn't miss the homicidal look on his face, either.

"Some group out in California got her and a couple of her old classmates. Bishop found them on crucifixes on the front lawn two days ago. By the time they got out there and got them down, they were all dead. Kurt came and got us immediately. The baby didn't make it." I nodded as though everything now made perfect sense. Wait a minute…

"Two days ago?" Scott shifted behind me, and I realized that I was sitting in-between his legs. That must have been very awkward, physically and otherwise.

"Honey, you were out for over 24 hours. Hank thinks that you were fighting the sedative he gave you, and between that and the stress of seeing Jubilee, you kinda shut down." I couldn't help it when a sob just kinda burst outta me, and Scott's arms were there again, trying to comfort and protect. I made sure that was the only moment of weakness, and when I was positive I was going to be able to hold it in, I looked right into Logan's eyes.

"Who did this to her? To them?"

"Di, I don't think it's such a good idea ta tell ya that. You an' I both know yer feelin' out fer blood right now. I am too, but I won't run off while my family needs ta be buried. I'm askin' ya not ta leave me alone ta deal with this. I need yer help, and not jus' fer the arrangements 'n shit. I need ya to help me make sure I don't go off'n do somethin' I'd regret later. I'll do th' same fer you. Will you do this fer me, Dionysis?" Fucker, he knows I can't say no! Not when it's important enough to use my full name. He pulled the fuckin' family card! I need a Turret's moment. Son of a motherfucking, horse-humping, dick sucking, dog shit eating, one-legged, lock-jawed, got run over by the ugly truck, crack smokin', diseased goddamned fucking bitch!! I've done better, but I just woke up.

"Fine. I'm not happy about this, just for the record."

"I'm gonna need yer word, Darlin'. Any other time I wouldn't need to ask, but I need yer promise, Di."

"I promise I won't kill anyone or let you kill anyone until we have taken care of our family. Good enough?" I saw Logan's eyes catch Scott's, and I'm sure Scott wasn't happy with the implied future violence, but I had no intention of promising to let those motherfuckers go. Let Scott think he could talk me out of it later, he was welcomed to try. Not that I planned on being here long enough to give him the chance, but I owe him for having good intentions on trying to save my soul.

"Yeah, Darlin', that's good enough fer now."

The next few days were a blur. I wasn't very social, and for once I was thankful for having a tract record of taking off to lick my wounds, as I got away with it when most people would have felt obligated to stick around. Me, I practically lived on my rock. I came in for meals and showers, but more often than not I was walking the grounds, letting my thoughts bounce around in my head. I was also avoiding Gambit. That was one issue too many, and it was sooo not the right time to deal with that. Fortunately, I didn't have to try very hard to not see him, as I guess I more than made my point during my 'temporary loss of sanity', as it was now called. Probably by Storm. Nah, Storm would not have been that nice. Either way, I was laying low and he was not trying to find me, and seeing as he knew all my favorite places, he could have if he wanted to.

I knew I would eventually have to figure out why I was treating him like he had the plague when he was one of the few people I trusted, but then I realized that was my answer right there. I didn't trust him, at least not the way I used to. He had become another person that hurt me, and even though it was not deliberate, there it was. Logan had not, because he had not made a decision, we had. And Jubes hadn't, because she had only fought for what was fair. Well, that was another loss for another day. It was hard enough to sit around the grounds, sinking in the loss of two. No way I could handle a third. Later, deal with that later.

And did he really think that he could just tell me over the phone, or get back together with her at all, and things would be just fine?! Bitch, please! I'm sure it hurt his feelings when I freaked on him, but did he really think I would have the same kind of trust after – ok, one trauma at a time, and Jube's is definitely more important.

The funeral was set to happen in three days, and then after that I was gone. I had already snuck into the security office and looked at the security tapes, snooped around until I found the name of the group responsible, all I had to do was a little more research for at least a few names. After that, those names would give me more before they died, and that was the plan. The only thing I hadn't decided was if Logan would want to go with me or not. I know he was supposed to be all lap dog to Xavier's dream and shit, but did Charles really think we would sit by and let these people get away with this? How are they supposed to get them arrested, much less prove they committed the crime? And I'm sorry, but a sentence of life was not acceptable, and we would be insanely lucky to get that. No, I considered myself a moral person, especially since no one had used their own in their treatment of me, but I also believed in what was right. And what was right would never happen unless I did it. So, if I was never welcomed to the mansion again, which I was assuming, then it would be worth it. I owed it to Jubes and my unborn family member. I doubted it would be hard to convince Logan to go, I just doubted he would want to if it meant he could never go back to the mansion. It's not like we'd be able to hide it from Ch—

"That's some hard thinkin' yer doin' Darlin'." I swear to God he startled me out of a few years of life. And almost off the rock, too, which's a feat considering it's a pretty damn big rock.

"God, can you like knock or something?!"

"Why would I knock on yer rock? Are ya livin' here?"

"If you hadn't noticed, yeah. It's too hard being in the mansion with so many people, and Gambit, and Storm. I'm sorry, Logan, but I can't do it. Besides, it's taking a lot of meditation to keep my promise. How many more days before the funeral and I can get outta here?" He scrambled up the rock and sat next to me, lighting up a cigar.

"Still bent on crowding up Hell a little more?"

"Fuck yeah. I'm sorry, I know it's not what you guys believe in and shit, but I am not going to let the people who fucking _crucified_ Jubes and killed your baby actually live. That's not right or fair. And I've gone through a lot of shit in the name of fair, so I have this comin' to me. I understand if you can't do it, especially because Chuck probably won't let me come back here after I kill every single one of those motherfuckers, but I have to Logan. I cannot stay sane and just continue on with my life knowing that they got away with that. They deserve to die." I kinda felt like a child telling her parent off, but I was set on what I was going to do, with or without him. He merely continued to smoke, which reminded me that I had not smoked in quite a few days. Patting my pockets showed that I had none. When he handed his over and lit himself a new one, I asked God to consider him for sainthood. Or at least a year's worth of good karma.

"Well, I know how Chuck would think about you goin' off an' doin' this, and yer probably right in thinkin' he may not let ya back inta the mansion. One-Eye officially is against ya goin', but personally he understands why yer doin' it. Never thought the boy scout capable, but I give him credit fer havin' an opinion other than Chuck's. Hank doesn't want ya ta go, not because it's wrong or anythin', but he's worried 'bout what killin' people will do ta ya. He's afraid you'll be different, not you. Me, I say ta hell with them all. They didn't lose the reason they got up in the morning with a smile, somethin' I never did before in my life that I know of. If it's blood yer out fer, then I hope ya save some fer me, 'cause I'm feelin' fuckin' thirsty." I gave him a relieved smile, relieved that he was going and I wouldn't be revenging her alone, and that he understood why I had to do this.

"Anyone else have opinions?"

"Nah, most people don't know. Scott's been pretty quiet 'bout it, no reason ta spread that around when it don't concern them. I think Gumbo knows, but that's just because he knows ya pretty well. Got no clue how he feels 'bout it, but yer not really interested in his opinion, are ya?"

"Not really. I can't deal with him, or that, right now. It's not important. Jube is." Shake of my head.

"I can't deal with that right now."

"I understand, Darlin'. Not askin' ya ta. Just hopin' ya don't give up on Gumbo just 'cause he was a dumbass. Lotsa people hurt other people without wantin' ta."

"I know, but unfortunately, that makes him one of Them. I'll have to deal with that eventually. So you know where we're goin'? I got a couple names, and enough money in the bank for a while, but if this takes longer than a couple months, we might need an income."

"I had plenty saved up fer the baby, and I'm sure we both got the same names ta start with. I just hope ya realize that Hank is right about one thing. Killin' people does change ya, Darlin', even if ya doin' it fer the right reasons. Ya willin' ta live with that?" I sighed and flicked my cigar into the lake.

"For Jubes and the baby, I'd live with a whole lot more than a shaky conscience, Logan."


	18. Chapter 18

Usual reminder that they're not mine, don't hurt me for going all Mr. Roger's neighborhood on them. I don't own Mr. Roger's neighborhood either, by the way.

Part of me knows it was kinda shitty the way we kinda disappeared. What were we supposed to do, though? Pack our bags, leave them at the front door, and hope someone would give us a hug before we left to go kill people? My eyes are rollin' so high I think I pulled a muscle or two. I did see Hank and Scott before we left, though. There's no way I couldn't see them, especially as I was assuming I would never be setting foot in the mansion again. Oh well, it wasn't my home anyway. I just hope Logan's ok with it. He was a part of that family, and I really never was. But sometimes the sacrifice has to be made, and that's just the way shit rolls. Didn't see Gambit, though. Maybe that's where my guilt is coming from. He was probably waiting for me to give him some sign that I was ok talking with him again. Yeah, now that I think about it, how else is he supposed to feel about me avoiding him and taking off without even letting him know. If it were me, I think I'd be pissed, then pretty damned hurt. But it's done, and there isn't anything I can do to fix it, so we'll see. I seem to go through friends pretty fast these days, so maybe Logan will just have to be it. I dunno, maybe it's one of those things where he fucked up, I fucked up by going into self-preservation mode, and now that we both kinda want to fix things, we're just not meeting up in the same place. Shit'll get awkward, and we'll want to make it better, but our timing will always be off. Unfortunately, once it gets to that point, it's almost impossible to recover from that. Le sigh. Enough of that, I could probably keep hashing over that particular problem 'til the end of time.

So we're in this shitty motel in Alabama on our way to California. We had to take Logan's bike, ya know, 'cause of the whole not going back thing. Anyway, we stopped to buy me a nice fatty chopper with a little trailer behind to haul all our shit, weapons mostly. I have no clue how Logan is dealing with his grief, or if he even is – I know I'm not. Mine is on permanent hold until this is over. I'm sure I'll break down a little bit here and there, but the whole closure thing will have to wait. He didn't say a single word to me the first couple days, but that I kind expected. That and we're sharing motel rooms to save money, so it's a little weird until we get used to it. I think we have, but those first couple nights were kinda weird because they didn't have two beds where we stopped. So he took the floor the first night, and when it happened again the second, I took the floor. He was starting to talk to me by the end of that first week, and by then I was very glad to hear his voice. Maybe he was trying to really come to grips with what he was going to do? I only asked him once if he was sure this was what he wanted, and I let it go after that.

I got a text from Gambit mid-way through Utah, telling me to be careful, and he would wait to hear from me when we were done. I was sorely tempted to call him to see how things were back at the mansion, maybe find out if Logan would be accepted back, but it was a distraction and I knew it. It was nice for him to tell me in his own way that he had my back with what I had to do. Maybe things with us wouldn't always be as fucked as they were then. Small ray of hope in an otherwise dark forest, or however that song goes.


	19. Chapter 19

It's not mine, please don't send the on-paper-that-I-could-never-afford legal notices. I only have my creativity to give, which is subject to change depending on the weather and my particular sock choice for the day.

Logan and Hank were right. Killing, even when it's the right thing to do, does change you. The fucked up thing is, if I had known what it would do to me beforehand, I still would have done it. The first few names I had found by snooping (read as breaking into the security center, hacking into the computer files, and stealing information I know for a fact no one had any intention of ever telling me) were those who had physically touched the crosses. The files I stole had DNA that was matched through the same official records used by law enforcement (which the mansion wasn't, which meant they hacked/stole into said records, which meant I had no guilt stealing the already stolen). Those first people I actually didn't kill, as it just seemed right to give them to Logan. I don't know what he did, I didn't want to know, but I know he was gone for a very long time with each of them. They, of course, gave us all the names of their local charter, and we simply took them one at a time. The problem was, it was simply a local charter, so the biggest decision was whether we should stop with them or try and take on an organization that was nationwide. We debated it back and forth, looking at both sides fairly, and decided that we had started out to avenge Jubes' death, and that was where we would stop. We both knew we were on morally shaky ground, no need to add a flash flood on top of it.

We had taken six months to get everyone from the L.A. chapter, except the top three people. Six months may not sound like a long time, but it is when you live in hotel rooms and eat in restaurants. You begin to feel disconnected from the real world, from reality, because the things you see every day, that you take for granted, are suddenly gone. I honestly don't know if I could have done it by myself without becoming a monster. I think Jubes would probably have been a little disappointed in us, for how far we had fallen in those six months, but I dealt with it in my own way. Logan obviously had plenty of experience in his lifetime, but he was silent when it came to advice.

I think it was about three months into L.A. that I really started to feel it. I hadn't talked to anyone besides Logan and the occasional waitress, and I was beyond withdrawn. I think I was actually talking to the waitresses more than Logan, besides discussing intel and strategy. He had been throwing me looks for a few days, but I was too lost in my own whirlpool of thoughts to notice. We had been staying at the same motel for about a week, and when we weren't talking about the charter, I was training. I ran God knows how many miles a day, sit ups and push-ups until my muscles wouldn't move, and my favorite hobby was staring at a wall, remembering the sound of her laugh. I remember that the day Logan brought me a beer, I was surprised, because I had actually forgotten that he was there. Like, there at all, period. Even in the same state. I had almost refused the beer, thinking that I couldn't afford to have any alcohol in my system just in case something came up.

"Ya know why there's a difference between revenge and justice?" I was mildly irritated at the interruption of my thoughts, which were much better dedicated to reviewing combat skills. Needless to say, I didn't answer in the hopes he would just go away.

"The difference 'tween revenge and justice is that people seeking justice still have a life, still live. Those who want revenge have given up the chance of a life, and the chance ta live once their revenge is had. I can see ya getting' close ta revenge, Di, and ya've already stopped livin'. If ya don't start talkin' ta me, talkin' 'bout stuff other than war, then I'll be goin' home alone, and yer life'll be over. Jubes'd never want revenge at the expense of yer life. Ya know that, 'cause ya'd never want that if ya were in her spot." He walked off just like that, pissing me off because I didn't have a chance to argue or prove him wrong. So instead I had to think about what he said.

In the morning, I asked him if he was going to try and go back to the mansion when it was over. Just a simple question, but it showed him that I was going to come back from the edge of revenge, and back into safer territory.

111111111111111111111111111111111111

It had been a particularly bad raid, and while I understand that they knew they were being hunted, it was still low. Only the top three people left, and they knew for sure that we were out for blood. They had prepared for us, and when that failed, they brought out their ace. Their families. With their kids present, and their wives trying to protect them, they were betting that we would not murder them when their children were there to witness it. And it was true that I would never subject any child to that kind of violence, but I found it very cowardly to hide behind the women and children. Logan was pissed. Especially when one of the guys had given his wife a gun. He was merely the treasurer, so he was first on our final list, but he was a real piece of shit. He had hired out tons of guns to keep us from getting onto the property, and even more inside the house. It took us an entire hour to get rid of all of them, and by them we had the cops surrounding the place, threatening to storm it if we didn't let the family go. We had long ago established a system of hand signals to communicate, so we had about a minute of furious hand-arguing before we decided to let the wife and kid go, then kill the guy and get the fuck out. Problem was, wifey had other ideas. She brought a gun out of nowhere and shot the hell out of Logan. I grabbed the gun away from her, but they both attacked me at the same time. Now, I only wanted him, and I understood that she was just trying to protect her family, so I didn't let my temper get the better of me when she scratched the shit out of my face. I think breaking her jaw was kind of light, and while it is possibly possible that I may have hit a little harder than I had originally intended, it knocked her out, so who the fuck cares? Hubby I decided to save for later, as Logan would deserve some flesh for missing so much of the actual fight, so I knocked the bastard out with a helluh lotta satisfaction and tied him up. I could see that Logan's bullets were finally being ejected out of his body, so I leaned down in front of the child and smiled as kindly as I could.

"Hey, honey, what's your name?"

"Peter." Man, not the teary eyes. Kids and crying was always a sure-fire way to turn me into goo. Fuck.

"Ok, Peter, I want you to do me a big favor, OK? Your mom is going to be just fine. Her face might hurt a little bit, but she'll be OK. I want you to cover your eyes, OK? I could put a blindfold on you, but I would rather you do it yourself. I don't want to scare you anymore than we already have, OK, honey? Can you do that for me?"

"What about Daddy?" Shit, I was hoping he wouldn't remember, or be too scared to ask. Well, I only had seconds before the police come busting in, so honesty it was.

"Peter, your daddy killed that man's wife. She was going to be a mommy, too. The police that are coming, they can't do anything about it, even if they knew. I know you love your daddy, but he's been a bad man, and bad men are punished, just like you are when you do a bad thing. So we are going to punish him. I'm sorry, but your daddy won't be coming back. I wish it was different, Peter, that your daddy could stay, but he can't. Now, cover your eyes dear. Right now." The boy, thank God, did as I told him, though I could see the tears leaking down behind his hands. Tough spot for me to be in, but war is messy. Logan was standing up, and I could tell that he was just a little confused.

"Time to go." That was our code for time to get the fuck out, so he headed for the back door. We both knew we'd be running through more gunfire, but there was nothing to do for it. I phased into my feline form, something I had been lucky enough not to have to resort to; if I was going to kill men, I was going to do it as a human, and give them the same chance to kill me back. Me being alive just meant I was better, but at least I did it fairly. Evading the cops had absolutely nothing to do with fairness, and the treasurer was going to have to be tied on my back anyway, so it just made sense. Logan quickly grabbed a rope from his pack and tied the man up before barreling through the back door. I took off at a run, hoping to make it to the trees without injury. Logan could take care of himself, and the only time I had ever stopped to make sure he had been OK, my ears had rung for days when he had come to and bitched me out for being stupid enough to worry about someone who had been killing for decades longer than myself. So no, I did not look back to see if he was OK, I just ran.

And even in my feline form, all I saw was Peter's face when I told him his daddy was never coming back.

11111111111111111111111111111111111

Peter was giving me nightmares.

We were both kind of antsy because the treasurer didn't know where the VP and president were hiding. While it was nice to have more of a hunt, I was ready to be done with this. I was getting weary. Maybe that's why I had the nightmares, or my conscience was catching up with me.

But I honestly think it was Peter.

I had the same nightmares twice in a row, and by the second night, Logan was freaking out. He said I made some strange noises and kept saying, "it wasn't supposed to happen with a nobody." I had to do some serious calming of him to make him believe that I was just having a trippy dream, not a dream from memories.

So, I lied. We were both under stress, especially because I accidentally saw him naked a few days ago, which was beyond embarrassing. We had been treating each other like soldiers for a couple months, but the only place with guaranteed privacy was the bathroom. Gotta have some boundaries, after all. But I guess I had had a dream that I was back at the mansion, playing with Hank or talking with Gambit on my rock, so it was habit to just walk into the bathroom, because at the mansion I had my own. So I walked in yawning, still rubbing the sleep from my eyes, and I saw Logan in the bathtub, having obviously just finished his shower, as he was reaching for a towel at the time. I think it was actually lucky that I was still so awake, because my eyes kinda froze on his, and I wasn't coherent enough to remember that I had always daydreamed about his dick. In fact, I was out the door and apologizing through said door before it even occurred to me that I had lost a golden opportunity. Yeah, I was pissy that day. I mean, sure, what I saw of his chest in my peripheral was heavenly, but I wanted confirmation of Jubes' claims. She always said he was built like a Clydesdale.

Ok, back to the point. Having walked in on him only a few days ago, there was no way I was going to embarrass myself further by letting some bad dreams bother me. I couldn't even remember what they were, but they were enough to freak Logan out, so they musta been pretty bad.

When I had the dream the third night, I remembered what it was about. It was about the time I went into town alone.

I stopped sleeping after that. I must've cleaned out every convenience store in the greater L.A. area of caffeine pills. I was careful to sneak them so he wouldn't know, but there was no way in hell I was going to tell him why I was having those particular dreams. Yeah, the fact that I had lied about something was going to go over great. And yes, thank you, I get the reason why I was having them all of a sudden. Peter lost his innocence, so I had to remember mine, remind me to shoot my conscience later, or at least politely ask it to save all guilt-ridden dreams until after I am not in the middle of hunting people down to kill them. It's so much easier to kill people when I can get at least 7 hours of sleep. I would like to thank my conscience in advance for knowing what's good for it and shutting the hell up.

Still, I didn't honestly think I'd be able to keep it from Logan forever. He knew something was up, even if it was just a nagging thought in the back of his mind. But Logan has the annoying habit of being like a little fuckin' terrier with a rat when it comes to nagging little thoughts. He'll shake the fuckin' thing around in his head until it's either dead, or there's enough pieces lying around for him to connect the dots. I had hoped that I could stall long enough, live on caffeine long enough, actually, to get the last two guys before he figured it out. I figured there would be a lot of screaming and destruction of whatever was around when he found out.


	20. Chapter 20

They're only mine during really great dreams, moments of insanity, and that one time I had 'hippie brownies'. I'll never be able to look at another brownie again. You really should tell people before you let just anyone eat that stuff.

* * *

We had gotten pizza for dinner and were driving back to the motel. We were stopped at a red light, and he took an unexpected turn. Now, I can eat cold pizza just as easily as hot, so I just followed him, curious as to where he was going, because he hated cold pizza. We ended up at some little crappy park, so I just figured he wanted to get out for a few hours before we went back to the room. Those rooms get a little small every once in a while, and I'm not like Nature Boy with the running with the wolves and whatever. I followed him to a picnic table and we ate in silence for a few minutes, though I was still trying to figure out why we were here. If he needed out, he usually went alone.

"Yer not sleepin' anymore, Di." Ffffffuckfuckfuckfuck. Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck!

"I think Peter's bothering me a little." Half truth is better than a whole lie, and it is true. Peter's the reason I was having the dreams, anyway. Yeah, like he's gonna just let it go. Damned little terrier in his head. I could see the carnage the dog was wreaking on my words, see the blood flying around in his mind.

"We talked about this, Di. Ya told the kid the truth, no matter what lies he'll be told in the future. Yer leavin' something out, Di. Ya haven't slept in two weeks, and I can smell those damn pills in yer skin. Yer gonna tell me what's going on." The 'or else' didn't even have to be said. Didn't mean I still didn't try to postpone it.

"I'm just having dreams 'bout something that happened before Jubes died. Doesn't even have to do with her or the baby. I'm sure they'll go away eventually, and I can sleep when we're done." Doesn't that sound reasonable? He was always so good about letting me deal with the fact that we were killing men on my own, why did he have to pick that one thing to get curious about? Just leave it alone, leave it alone, it's not a rat, it's a stick, not something for a little terrier to play with, go find a squirrel or something and leave me to my pizza. I almost laughed at the fact that I was thinking of Logan's head as a dog, and I was mentally pleading with it to go find another helpless little animal to destroy. Yeah, I definitely needed more sleep; I was getting delirious, but at least I was still funny. No? Well, fuck you; I thought it was funny.

"Ya know I'm not gonna let it rest until ya tell me why yer only sleepin' a few hours every couple days, and why ya been hidin' the fact from me. Now I gotta couple guesses as ta what yer dream is about, and none of 'em are good. Might as well tell me what it is and save us the time o' me playin' twenty questions with ya."

"Logan, trust me when I tell you that you really don't want to know. I can handle losing some sleep. Right now is not the time to be digging up any more shit; we got enough going on right now. When we're done, if you still want to know, then I'll tell you. Please, Logan, just let this go." Yeah, I was pleading. It was bad enough that I felt half asleep and tired as hell all the time, I really didn't think I had the energy to spill those guts. Not to mention, if he lost it, we were in the open, and the only thing he could destroy was playground equipment. I did not want to be responsible for the loss of some kids' toys, having enough to feel guilty for right then. And I was just bone tired. Tired of everything, and tired of the energy it took to keep myself together to hide the fact that I was falling apart from him. Guess I should have put just a little more energy into it.

"Sorry, Darlin', but yer turnin' inta a zombie, and yer in no shape ta fight nobody. If ya wanna go somewhere else ta tell me, then I'll follow ya, but yer gonna tell me what's goin' on. No more pretendin' it ain't there."

"Fine. Let's go back to the hotel. I'm not hungry anyway." His eyebrows shot through the roof, and I was cursing myself like hell. I never turn down food, I eat like a fifteen year-old boy going through a growth spurt, so for me to go without dinner means the apocalypse is on its' way. Yep, no way I could convince him it wasn't a big deal any more.

* * *

I hated the drive back to the motel. What is the difference between a motel and a hotel, anyway? Motel, hotel, Holiday Inn. Loved that song. I sat down on the bed, and he was going to sit down next to me, but I told him to start pacing.

"Ya don't want me ta sit with ya?"

"No, I need you to move around or something, so you don't punch holes in the wall. Just keep in mind that this happened months ago, and I dealt with it already, OK?" He stood up and started pacing in front of the bed. I put my head in my hands; there was no way I could tell him and look at him.

"Remember when I dropped off your groceries and someone had beat the hell outta my jeep? Well, I was on the way to a hotel to stay the night, because I had to buy more groceries to replace what they had stolen anyway, so I figured it made more sense to stay instead of driving home and then going back. Well, I kinda never made it. I guess I got jumped, and I got raped. I was out the entire time, so I have no idea who it was, or how many. They didn't hurt me too bad, and I don't remember any of it. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I was afraid if I told you guys, that it would hurt Jubes and the baby. So I didn't tell you. I'm OK, really. Just a couple of dreams that I don't have time for right now. Once this's over, I'll hash it out and everything'll be cool." I was staring into the blackness of my hands, hoping he would leave it at that, knowing he wouldn't, that he would want details, want to find the bastards… I hadn't heard any pacing. My head shot up and found him standing by the corner of the bed, his face completely white. I could see he was still in shock, that any second all the other emotions would be coming out, and the yelling would start. But I was tired, I was the one who was dealing with a lack of sleep, and damnit, there was no way I felt like being yelled at before he stormed out the door to go chop down a national forest somewhere. I stood up and started pacing the length of the bed, running my hands through my hair and grabbing handfuls in frustration.

"Fine, you want details?! I woke up in the dumpster. There was so much blood they probably thought I was dead. Which means that you'll never be able to smell who they were. I burned the clothes and cleaned the Jeep. I got the Jeep, got the groceries, and I really don't remember any details until I got home. The only thing I could think of was to make sure you guys never found out. You would never be able to keep that from her, and that would kill her. Logan, if she had lost the baby because she was worried about me, do you have any idea what that would've done to me? So yea, I lied to you. I only told you they just messed up the Jeep, and I went home and I ran. I dealt with it like I always do, because Gambit was gone trying to help Rogue, and Hank would've probably destroyed the lab, and Scott would've gone insane, and you would've wanted to kill the entire male population of town. So I didn't tell anyone. I'm really sorry this's coming up right now, I thought I was done and over with it, but I guess not. I mean, why the hell should I be over it? It's not like I can keep a man around very long, why would I think I could keep that? At least I don't have to worry about dying a virgin, right?" My laugh was more like a dry bark, and probably was as painful to hear as it was to my throat. He was still standing at the edge of the bed, and while he hadn't gotten any color back in his face, his eyes were strangely neutral. I had no idea what he was thinking, and with him not talking, it made me nervous. So, I kept talking to fill in the empty space. And then, when there was nothing left to say, I fully planned on running out the door. And before you say anything, I think we all know that when I'm nervous, I tend to ramble, so Lord knows what I was about to say, but it was probably something I'll die regretting. Ok, time to ramble.

"It could have been worse. I don't have any bad memories to deal with, I can't see their faces, assuming it was more than one of them. I just woke up in a dumpster with some damage. And I wasn't awake for it to hurt, so I should be grateful for that, right? Sure, I can't look at dumpsters anymore without wanting to throw up, but that's nothing. You'll go into town with me, so they won't mess with me again, assuming you go back to Canada. I could see why you wouldn't want to go back to the cabin. And if you don't, it'll be OK, because now that I know it could happen, I'll be a lot more careful so I can see it coming. I'm not some helpless, whimpering chick who can't take care of herself. So you don't have to go back to the cabin just because I am. We both know Charles won't let me go back, but you've lived there so long, and they're your family, you shouldn't give it up as a home just because I won't be there. Lots of families live in two different countries and only see each other for a few months out of the year, or only for the holidays. Or maybe you'll just want to stay there, because I remind you so much of Jubes. I've been kinda wondering if after this, you wouldn't want to be around me for a while, because I bring back memories. I understand if that's the way you feel, really! I totally wouldn't blame you for wanting to just take off for a few years. I got the cabin, and I'll be OK. If something happened, Hank would come help me, hell, even Scott would no matter what Charles said. I definitely can handle not being around people, it's kinda nice sometimes.

And I'm really sorry I couldn't tell you, I just didn't want anything to happen to Jubes! She woulda worried, you woulda wanted to kill them, she woulda worried about you burning down the town, you woulda worried because she was worrying, it just made so much sense not to tell you guys. Jubes already knew I was sad from Gambit going back to Rogue, I was lonely, there was no way I was gonna tell her I lost my virginity to some small-town hicks. That woulda killed her, and you know it! I couldn't tell you, I couldn't!" I hadn't looked at him the entire time, and it was only when he was suddenly trying to suffocate me with his chest and make my ribs touch in the middle of my stomach that I realized I had been telling him all the thoughts that I had never, NEVER, ever, never wanted to tell him.

"Oh, God, I wasn't supposed to tell you all that, Logan. You weren't supposed to know that! I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have told you that because now you'll feel like you have to stay, and if you stay with me when you don't want to it'll all go bad, and-"

"Di, stop it." He sat down on the bed and held me like a little kid, rocking back and forth. I wish I could say that I cried my heart out and it magically felt all better, but I was too scared. Some thoughts are supposed to stay in your head, and I knew that he would stay with me no matter what, and I would never know if it was because he wanted to, or because he knew that I was scared he would leave. I had just fucked up everything beyond fixing. So I sat there, thinking if I could have just held on for another week or two, we would have been done, and he could have made his own choices, and I could go back to my cabin… if I just could have kept it going for another couple of weeks.

"Di, I want ya ta listen ta me real carefully. I think I understand why ya felt ya couldn't tell us what happened ta ya, and I really don't know if it was the right thing ta do 'r not, but that doesn't matter. It's done. An' I know I got no idea how yer feelin', but yer my family, Di. I would never leave ya, because I do not want ta lose the only family I got left. I lost my wife, and ya lost yer sister and best friend in the world, so fer once I'm not takin' off. This's the first time that someone has ever been able ta understand jus' how much I've lost, so we're gonna help each other through this, ya got that? I'm stayin' with ya because we need each other, we gotta figure out how ta move on after this's done. And if Chuck doesn't let ya go back ta the mansion, then I'll go there for holidays 'n shit. But yer my family, Di, 'n I'm not lettin' ya go. An' I sure as hell am not lettin' ya go ta town by yerself ever again!" I could only laugh at that, but it was one of those laughs that's half a cry. We were in the middle of killing people for the right reasons, even though it was still probably the wrong thing to do, I was having a slight breakdown because of some stupid nightmares, and Logan had just promised to stick with me. A little voice in the back of my mind was asking how it was gonna work, spending the rest of my life with my first love being the only family I had left, and not crossing some line. How was I supposed to live close to Logan without being tempted to fall in love with him again, which I could not do as he was the husband of my dead best friend?

I felt no guilt pushing that little voice away, telling it I had enough shit to deal with right then, thank you very much, and that until I had a little less stress and a little more time, it could go to hell. Only so many problems can be handled in one day.

* * *

I agreed to stop taking the caffeine pills, which was going to hurt. We decided to put the hunt on hold for a couple days until I got over the withdrawal we both knew was coming. That night, he offered to watch over me and make sure I didn't get too noisy or too bad, but I declined. I pointed out that I'd probably wake him up anyway, he should try and get as much sleep as possible. Me, I was so tired of being tired that as long as I kept sleeping, I was willing to dream of Armageddon. Still, I used a long sock to try and muffle any sounds I made, and made sure he didn't see me gagging myself. It kinda disturbs people, ya know?

I woke up the next day feeling like I had gotten no sleep at all. It took my tired brain a couple of seconds to realize that I was cold and wet, and warm. Which didn't make any sense. I was warm because Logan was behind me, sleeping, but his arms and legs were wrapped around me in a body hold. Guess I got kinda violent. And eeeeewwww, the sheets were cold and sweaty, which explained the cold and wet. The gag was still in my mouth, thank God, but I still woke him up sometime. Damn.

And oh, the caffeine hangover! My whole body hurt, whether from the lack of caffeine or the fact that I felt like I had run a marathon all night, who gave a shit? I fuckin' hurt! It didn't help that I couldn't move at all, because even though he was asleep, his arms and legs were locked around me like steel. Fuck, I must've gotten really bad last night. Didn't remember anything.

I thought that maybe if I tensed a few muscles, then when I relaxed them, it would hurt a bit less. It was as close to stretching as I was going to get until he woke up. So I only tensed up the top half, no sense in doing the whole body and hurting like hell if I couldn't relax. Man, was that a bad idea. My muscles kept getting tighter and tighter, like one big Charlie Horse, and I couldn't get them to stop flexing. It was starting to hurt really bad, like my body was trying to tear itself apart. Muscles can actually do that, ya know. If a muscle spasm gets too bad, it can literally tear itself off the bone at one end or the other. I thought I was going to split in half. I admit I started crying; I just wanted the pain to go away. That woke him up right away and I could hear him swear when he let go, which kinda got me scared. It wasn't an 'Oh fuck, I just woke up and remembered what happened', it was an 'Oh fuck, that's not good and I gotta do something fast'. He yanked me outta bed, which did NOT feel good, and set me down in the shower, all my clothes still on. He turned on the hot water and climbed in behind me, rubbing my back in slow, soothing circles. I have no clue how long we were in there, I was too busy trying to get my muscles to do what the hell I was telling them to do, and they were too busy blowing raspberries and otherwise ignoring my commands. I'm kinda glad we were in the shower, because if I was crying, there's no way he could tell unless I made noise. Eventually my back started to relax, stopped trying to snap me in half the wrong way, and I could finally breathe. It's really hard to breathe when your head is practically touching your ass and your stomach is stretched out as far as it can go. It was probably pretty hard for him rub my back like that, too, what with me arched over his shoulder.

So I was a very wet noodle, thanking God he was behind me, because there was no way I could have held myself up at that point. It was getting better, but I still had occasional muscle spasms and an arm would go flying or I'd be trying to throw myself out of the tub. It's a wonder I didn't pee myself, knock on wood. Between feeling like I had gotten no sleep the night before and the work out my muscles had gone through, it was no surprise that I fell asleep pretty quickly. Probably closer to passing out, if I was to be honest. I was still withdrawing, after all.

* * *

Another twelve hours of sleep saw me waking up around dinnertime, and I could have eaten garbage I was so hungry. In fact, I think it was the noises my stomach had been making that actually woke me up. So I got up to try and figure out the food situation, and it hit me pretty quickly that I was back in bed, and naked. Now, I could understand why he had to do it; I had been in the shower with my clothes on, and it must have been pretty awkward to undress me when I was already out of it. Honestly, I wouldn't have wanted to man-handle myself any more by putting more clothes on me, either, I just want you to understand how weird it is to wake up naked, knowing Logan had been the one to do it. Not the way I had fantasized about him seeing me naked for the first time. Oh, well, par for the course from hell. It was pretty obvious he wasn't there, so I grabbed the clothes he had left on a chair by the bed and got dressed so fast I doubt you would have seen my bare ass if you had it on video and played it on slow-mo. The last thing I needed was any more complications or awkwardness because he happened to walk in the second I got out of bed. And it's a good fuckin' thing I did, too, because he walked through the door about two minutes later with bags that smelled delicious. Food gave me a good excuse to not address the me-having-been-naked issue, so I grabbed what he offered and tore into it like I hadn't eaten in forever.

"I take it yer feelin' better?"

"Yeah. For now. If I keep drinking water, I should be able to keep it from getting as bad as it was last night. I'll be peeing every twenty minutes, but it'd be worth it not to have to gag myself again. Thanks for taking it out, by the way. It makes my jaw sore when I sleep with it too much."

"Please don't tell me why ya know that. I've never seen anyone have such a hard time kickin' caffeine. Ya been takin' more pills than I thought, I guess. Think ya'll be ok in 'nother couple days?"

I nodded through a mouth full of food, wanting nothing more than to eat and stretch my legs. I wanted to get better so we could get the last two guys. My heart was really only half in it, a good sign that I was ready to move on with my life.

"I'm so ready to be done with this. Six months is a long time to put our lives on hold," I replied while gracefully wiping sauce off my chin. My manners can sometimes be the same as a toddlers, with the food flying everywhere and stuck on my face.

"Yeah, know whatcha mean. Don't ever want ta see another hotel room again after this. I been sweet-talking a gal at the utilities corporate office. I'm takin' her fer drinks tonight. I should be able ta get her ta give me those last two addresses tomorrow."

I'm pretty sure my eyes looked like Rodney Dangerfield, all unnaturally huge 'n shit.

"You're going to sleep with a chic so she'll give you the information we need?!" Ok, so maybe my voice got a little higher than I had planned, and maybe it squeaked a little at the end, but I had never imagined Logan willing to whore himself out for a couple of addresses. I also did Not feel a little jealous/betrayed/cheated on, because I had no right to. Did Not. Nope. Again, I will deal with that later.

"Well, I wasn't really plannin' on fuckin' her, no. I's just gonna take her out fer drinks, be charmin', and then call in a favor I have no intention o' payin' back. I ain't no man-whore, Di. Fuck, I ain't Gambit, fer cryin' out loud!"

Now, I know we have all accidentally had food forcefully eject from our noses at least once in our lives. Don't lie. I have never, however, seen or heard of someone snorting a noodle until I did it right then. One big, long, Chinese noodle went flying out of my nose, and of course a lot of coughing and nose blowing followed. Logan, the gentleman that he was, was pounding the table he was eating at, howling and crying - while I was trying to retreat to the bathroom to clean out my sinuses. I came out a few minutes later and he was still chuckling, wiping the tears off his face. Asshole. He took one look at me and started laughing again. I sat on the edge of the bed, glaring at him and waiting for my chance. When he got to the point where he was having a hard time breathing, I took it upon myself to whack him as hard as I could on the back, twice. Imagine my surprise when it didn't help him breathe. Pity. When he had the balls to glare at me, and I think I was fully entitled to my retribution by the way, I merely lifted my chin like I was some snooty rich person and did my best dainty walk back to my bed.

I didn't make it there. He tackled me and we went rolling. It's probably a good thing we were in a motel room, or it might've gotten serious. As it was, we had to be careful not to damage anything, so we gave up after ten minutes. I won, of course, though I'm sure he would tell you differently. It was the perfect way to get rid of some stress, and was great for forgetting any recent humiliations I might have brought on myself.

There was a nice sense of peace between us when I got ready for bed. Not that we were fighting or anything, but it was one of those moments you make yourself remember when life gets rough. Just a simple day with simple fun.

I had no nightmares that night.


	21. Chapter 21

These characters are not mine, and I have been in mourning of that fact. But now I'm all better, and my counselor says it's normal to hear voices.

So, change of plan at the last minute, that's why this took so long. I threw out the old one and totally came up with this spur of the moment, and Mikey likes it. C'mon, we're only just shy of seventy thousand words, and very not ready for a happy ending yet. You'll get it, of course, but I think there's some more road rash to be earned. Comments are loved, and help the muse go round.

Seriously, can anyone guess where I'm going with this? Just curious. Candy for those who do.

I would love to say that the last two people on our list, those most responsible for her death, had tons of hired bodyguards and we took them out in a blaze of gunfire and glory. Nope, can't say that. They were each hiding with their families, hoping to continue hiding, or that their family would dissuade us from killing them. Kinda unfulfilling, actually. We went in, killed the guys, and left. The only real work involved was on Logan's part for schmoozing the information out of the utilities lady.

That's something I've put in my list of stuff I don't think about. While I don't think he went all the way, Logan definitely visited a few bases with that chick, and it's kinda made me a mess. I've lost Gambit, still don't know how I'm gonna handle that when we try to go back to New York, and now Logan got some nookie. Why in the fucking hell is it so hard for me to get some action? I mean, sure, I could hire an escort if I wanted it that badly, but I'd rather have one that would actually stick around for more than a few hours. Possibly even for a few weeks before I fucked it up somehow. I'm just not the male hooker type of girl. Or complete stranger type. Logan would probably kill me anyway. So now I'm frustrated, mentally and otherwise, and kinda jealous for more than one reason. Maybe I just need some space from him. We've been living in the same motel room for almost eight months, and that's a long time to live with a friend, much less however you would categorize what Logan is to me. Besides, it would be good for him to spend time with his friends, to get back into the swing of real life. Yeah, we both need a reality check, mine will just be the kind that smarts.

That brought me to my other problem: Gambit. What the fuck was I supposed to do with him? I mean, seriously, how was I supposed to remember what it was like when he was just my best friend, and then actually treat him like that? People progress, their needs increase, and relationships aren't meant to backslide, so how was I supposed to accomplish that when I was still kinda broken? I guess my only option was to take it slow, because I wasn't heartless enough to give up, act like a spoiled little kid because I didn't get my way. No, I had to do the difficult thing and fight to get our friendship back. Maybe that could keep me busy while I got some space from Logan. I still had doubts he would actually return to Canada. Not so much doubts, as serious misgivings about his ability to stay longer than a month. He would be living in their cabin, surrounded by memories of Jubes, and very few men can actually live with that. I knew I wouldn't hold it against him when he left. I had ten backup plans, and had already picked out a name for each of them. I was totally prepared to be the Crazy Cat Lady that lived in the woods and always smelled like milk. Not what I had envisioned when I saw myself all grown up, but my knight in shining armor was a widow, so adjustments had to be made. God, what a fuckin' pity party I am.

We got back to New York in good time, and I think I actually surprised Logan by not trying to get out of talking to Gambit. True, I told Logan to tell Gambit that I would meet him at Harry's, but I think he had a speech all prepared in his head in case I tried to chicken out. There was no way I was even attempting to go back to the mansion, as by now it would be obvious what we had been doing. The FBI investigations into the murders had made national news for six months, and I'm sure they were still looking for us. Anyway, I hung out at Harry's all afternoon, and most of the evening. I ate dinner alone, and had to admit the food was pretty good. Club sandwich, no bacon, on sourdough. Fries were awesome. By ten at night, I was wondering where the hell Gambit was. Logan had to have gotten there around noon, so why was it taking him so long to get away? Maybe they were trying to keep him from seeing me? Maybe Rouge felt funny about Gambit seeing someone he had been dating, because that's what they all thought, remember? I probably would have not wanted him to go, if it had been me. It was sometime after midnight that I gave up, deciding that he wasn't going to show for whatever reason. Part of me really did not want to care what that reason might be, because it gave me an easy out. He had made the first step, I had made the next one, so we were even. Easiest just to leave it there. I bought a bottle of cinnamon whiskey off Harry and headed for Canada. Logan I would call in the morning, let him know I had skipped the country. I would also pressure him into staying there for a while, if possible.

"You're in flamin' where?!"

"Canada, Logan. I'm in Canada."

"I heard ya the first time. Why the hell are ya all the way up there without waitin' fer me or tellin' me ya were takin' off!?"

"Well, I got stood up by Gambit, so I just kinda started driving. I figured you'd want to hang out with everyone there for a few days, say hi to Jubes and the kid, and I didn't want to see another motel room, so I went home."

It was a few seconds before he said anything, and his words were spoken deliberately, as though he were telling a child something very important that had to be completely understood.

"Di, I meant it when I said ya were the only family I got left. I'm not gonna pull a Gambit on ya. I will be there soon. Ya believe me, dontcha darlin'?"

"Yeah, no big. Give Hank and Scott a hug for me, let Hank know I'll be ok, I'll still be me?"

"Any message fer Gambit?"

"Nope. I'm leaving it the way it is. Rogue's the jealous type, so it's probably for the best anyways."

"Gumbo didn't stand ya up last night, Di, he-"

"Honestly, Logan, don't give a flying fuck. His phone is practically attached to his mouth, so I see no excuse. He wants to explain, he can call. If he can't, there's no use in trying to be friends with someone I can't talk to anyway. I'll see you when I see you."

"I'll see-- (click) _sigh_ – I will be home, darlin'. Even if ya don't believe me."

It had been six months since he had returned to New York. Six months of something always happening, some emergency or end of the world event that could not be prevented without him. Six months without a word from her to anyone. Christmas had come and gone, and though no one actually expected her to try and show up, the lack of a phone call was surprising. It was like she had stopped existing. Which, he knew he had only himself to blame. It was the usual story on his end: family emergencies, jetting off to other countries to deal with some mutant crisis or another, but after a while, he just lost track of time. True, he had needed time to truly mourn his wife and child, but a small voice kept trying to get his attention, whispering that he was going to lose her. Unfortunately, that voice was consistently drowned out by the here and now, and it became habit to not notice it.

Nightmares were nothing new to him, they had become as normal as regular dreams, but one morning he woke up in a cold sweat and was out of bed and getting dressed before he was awake enough to realize he was on his feet. Trying to remember the dream only made it slip away further, but the cold chill that shuddered down his spine told him something was wrong, somewhere. And then he remembered Di, truly remembered how long it had been since he had promised to go home. That little voice came back with a vengeance, reminding him of their conversation in L.A., where she had told him of her doubts that he would want to see her after they were done, that it would be too hard for him to be around her. He didn't feel that way, but how else was she supposed to see it?

Totally uncaring as to the time difference, he was on the phone to the mansion as fast as his fingers could dial. It took only a moment to be connected to Hank, the one person who wouldn't think of questioning or second-guessing his intuition when it came to her. Offering only his intuition and a request to have Kurt get Hank there immediately, he put the phone back into its' cradle and waited. He knew that if she was ok, was there, he would not get a phone call right away, as the two would get talking and lose track of time, and Hank had a secret craving for long hugs that he only knew about because she had mentioned it once in passing. When the phone rang less than five minutes later, he knew something was wrong.

"What's wrong? What happened?"

"Logan, Kurt is on his way to come get you. You need to see this."

Logan slammed the phone down as Kurt appeared in the room, and his chest seemed to burn when he remembered the last time Kurt had looked at him like that. A second had him back at her cabin, but he had to look again, realizing that her cabin was gone. Most of it had been burned, only a small section of one wall had escaped. The fire was old, months old, and there was no sign of her being there. He frantically sniffed around, noting that Hank had already been doing the same thing, but he could not get a single whiff of her. He looked to Hank, but his friend sadly shook his head.

"My place. She could be hiding out there."

Kurt bamfed them one at a time, and Hank could not help the gasp that came out of his mouth. Parts of the cabin had been torched, as though someone had tried to set it on fire and had not succeeded. A few bones were strewn around the area, and Hank quickly recognized them as human, but decidedly male. A few large patches of blood on the floor in the cabin was the only other clue as to what had happened. Hank took some samples and looked to Logan.

"Are you going back to Japan or staying here until I know who's blood this is? If it is all hers, I doubt she could have survived, Logan. You know how much blood that would have been." Logan nodded sharply, not wanting to listen.

"I'm goin' ta look fer her. I got my phone on me. Lemme know if it's hers or not. Kurt, thanks." He took off without waiting for them to say goodbye. He had to find her. He had to make sure she knew he hadn't abandoned her. Because he had broken his promise to her without meaning to. Because he was afraid the last of his family was gone, and he hadn't even known to mourn her. He would find her.


	22. Chapter 22

AN: Ok, disclaimers, they're not mine, but if I ever find them in the lost and found, they will be, tough tittie. So, I've decided to stop being somewhat of a hypocrite and review as much as I know I should. So to return the kharmic good I have been storing up, I am asking nicely for reviews. If people don't like it, then there's reason to strain the brain wondering why. So if I find this story just doesn't seem to be doin' it for anybody, then I'll shelve it. But ya gotta tell me: ye or nay.

* * *

Two years later:

Most of the few people he kept in contact with would call him a changed man. Scott would have said he had regressed back to when they first met him. Hank would have yelled at whoever had brought his name up before storming out of the room. Gambit would have stayed silent, his thoughts his own. The fact remained that while no one knew for certain if she was dead or not, Logan had convinced himself that she was, and it had broken him. Truly, no do-over's, irreparably, inarguably broken him.

He had changed that day. It had not taken Hank long to establish that half of the blood stains had been hers, and Hank had braced himself for the customary destruction of whatever was within reach. Instead, he had to help Logan into a chair when he started swaying. Logan had looked to him pleadingly, as though asking to take it back, to realize he had made a mistake, but he could not. There had not been enough blood to say for certain that she could not have survived, but it was certain that unless she had been able to form shift or get immediate help, she in all likelihood was dead. Hank had watched the color drain from Logan's face, seen the mask try to take hold on his face and fail, and the unmistakable look of horrified guilt. Which, Hank didn't understand. It was natural for people to assume some level of responsibility for the death of loved ones, but this was not natural. This was certain knowledge on Logan's face that he was the cause of what had happened to her, that he was putting facts together and realizing his impact on events.

"Logan, what's wrong? You look like you've just realized you killed a puppy."

Logan looked at Hank, his mouth opened to explain why this happened, why it was his fault, but he couldn't. A choked apology was all Hank received before Logan fled.

* * *

Logan left soon thereafter. Between the guilt that had been on his face, and the fact that he always somehow avoided being in the same room as him, Hank knew Logan had unknowingly hurt or done something to Di – something unforgivable. And he came to hate Logan for it, for the cowardice that prevented him from telling Hank just what the hell had happened. But it no longer mattered. Either way, she was gone, or just gone, and the damage had been done to all who loved her. Scott mourned her death, choosing to remember her fondly and accept that likelihood. Hank held out secret hope that she had managed to run off and lick her wounds, as she was wont to, and that she simply didn't think of the mansion as a place she could run to help for anymore. While Charles had come to understand and accept the reasoning behind their actions, and was willing to let her back into his home, he was still far from agreeing with their method of coping. He had even re-instated her allowance, but it had never been touched. Part of Hank severely wanted to just snap and yell at everybody. Of course she hadn't touched her money, how was she supposed to know it was even there when no one bothered to actually tell her she was wanted back into the family. It was the reason she had stayed away, why she hadn't come to them when she needed help. No one had bothered to tell her that they still wanted her around, so he KNEW she had assumed they didn't. He knew he was also to blame, not having called her either, but he rarely remembered to get two meals into a day, so he realistically had more of a reason to have forgotten than anyone. Not that it made him feel any better at all.

And Gambit… Gambit had taken it as hard as Logan. Rogue had been the one responsible for him standing Di up that one night she waited for him at Harry's. And Gambit never forgave her for it. They had tried to make it work, but Rogue always seemed to have something they needed to do when he mentioned giving Di a call. He had tried to talk it out with her, to explain that he wanted his friendship back with Di, and he needed to call her and talk to her in order to get it, but met with a hesitant audience. That awful morning when Hank had pulled him aside after breakfast and told him what was going on was the day he had broken up with Rogue for the last time. He cursed himself endlessly for listening to her instead of his own gut, but ultimately he had chosen to take the easy route and not call, and for that he would always feel responsible. Because he knew she was gone, one way or another. If she was alive, she would not want to be found; he knew she had given up on all of them and would accept whatever crappy kind of life she could find. He knew that her friends were the only thing keeping the little amount of hope she allowed herself alive, and with them gone, she would live with whatever came her way. They had all damned her, and he would never let himself forget his own part in however her life turned out. How many times had he wished he had called her just once, taken five minutes to at least leave a message and let her know he was thinking about her? How many hours had he spent in his room remembering all the fun and flirting they had done on his bed? How one of his drawers was still vacant, because it was the one that had always held the few clothes she kept in his room? How her girly stuff never cluttered the bathroom, but seemed to fill in the empty spaces just right?

* * *

Logan had left the mansion, and except for the occasional phone call, it was blatantly obvious he had no intention of ever really coming back.

* * *

Not knowing the exact date that she had died, he always visited her cabin on the day they had discovered it was burned, that became the anniversary of her death to him. He had snuck to Jubes' grave a few months before, and eventually ended up at the cabin on Di's anniversary. It was never a conscious thing, he always somehow ended up there on the right day. For reasons that he would never understand, he had dragged a huge boulder to her front yard and each year he would scratch a mark. That seemed to be the only way he could truly tell time, by how many marks he made.

A feeling of restlessness was all that seemed to occupy him. He had not had a home since she died, he always seemed to be on the road. As though he were looking for something. He knew in his mind that he wasn't looking for her, because she was dead, but the rest of him seemed intent on searching for her.

Maybe he was just looking for a purpose, something to prove he was still needed in the world, but his heart told him he was looking for her. It had been five years, and the world was a large place, but he was physically unable to stay in one place for more than a few days. He felt like he was in Hell, as though his penance for causing her death was to forever roam the earth looking for the one person who could absolve him of his guilt, and his Hell was that she was long dead and buried. He shunned people he had once called friends, afraid he would see the same accusations he had seen in Hank's eyes.

* * *

It happened in New York City, of all places. Although, if he thought about it, it made sense. What other city could she live in and blend in with facial tattoos? He had stopped for a cup of coffee, killing time before his flight to London the next morning. And as he had walked out of the shop, she had passed him on her way in. He had frozen, ready to assume he was just seeing things, but her scent had hit his nose and gone straight to his gut. He swung around, his eyes wide and locked onto the back of her head. She must have felt his stare, because she turned around and looked around the person behind her in line to see who was doing the staring. He watched her face, seeing the change that came over it. Shock, denial, and then pure panic. The look of a cornered animal. She quickly checked the back for exits and found one. He was already headed her way when she bolted, giving up any pretense of casualness. The door bounced off the wall, the glass cracking as she ran out into the alley and sprinted towards the street, knowing if she could get to the crowds, she would be safe. He caught her before she got even close to the street, his arms wrapped around her in a crushing hug from the back. She didn't resist him, didn't tense up, didn't hug his arms, nothing. She just stood there, waiting for something. When he let her out of his hug and turned her to face him, she kept her eyes on the ground, her expression carefully neutral.

"Di, is it really you? Are ya really alive? We all thought ya were dead!"

She mumbled something, but even with his sharp hearing he couldn't understand it.

"What?"

"I said I'm sorry. I didn't know you were in town, or I woulda been more careful. But why did you think I was dead?"

"Because the cabin was burned ta the ground and there was tons of yer blood at my place, and we haven't heard anything from ya in five years!" Her first words finally hit him and he held her at arms-length away from him.

"What do ya mean, if you knew I was here ya woulda been more careful? God darlin', have ya been avoiding me?"

She pushed his hands off her arms and crossed hers over her chest, wanting to glare at him, but settling on an apathetic, almost bored look.

"I'm sorry, but how is any of this my fault? You didn't come back, no one called me, so I figured I was right and you just wanted me to stay away. So, I stayed away. Yes, I had a little trouble at the cabin, but it was no big deal. I was tired of living there, anyway. So I came here, because it's the best place in the world to hide, and I never thought I'd draw that one in a million of actually seeing you. So, you said your 'hi' and you know I'm in one piece, so can I be on my way?"

This time, when he hugged her, she tensed. It wasn't subtle, either. He could smell the anger and fear on her.

"Di, what the flamin' hell is wrong with ya? Do ya think I'm gonna hurt ya or somethin'?"

When she didn't answer, he took a close look at her, taking in every detail. And he started noticing little differences. He knew it had been five years, of course she wouldn't look exactly the same, but he could see dark shadows under the makeup she used to hide them. Her face was almost hollow, though it just made her face all the more striking. She was definitely smaller, as though the strength she had always had was gone, and for the first time she looked truly frail. And then he saw it. It was mostly hidden by her long hair, but he could see the edge of a bruise on her neck. Looking away quickly before she knew he had seen it, he casually shifted on his feet so he could get a better look at the other side of her neck, and saw several more, as though her bruises were from fingers.

"God, Di, what happened to ya? Who's doing this to ya?"

She immediately stiffened and took a step back. He wanted to close the space, but knew better.

"It's nothing. It's been stressful at work, and I said some stuff to intentionally piss him off, stuff you just don't say to a guy. He didn't hurt me, we just lost our tempers. It's no big deal, with the stuff I said to him I had it coming."

"Di, there's no excuse fer hittin' a woman, and ya know that. And I know I messed up with ya, but I never was trying ta stay away from ya. It was one emergency after another, and somethin' happened ta Amiko, and before I knew it six months had gone by. Hank and I went ta check up on ya and we found the cabins. We thought ya were dead, Di. Hank won't talk ta me, Gambit won't talk ta nobody, and Scott mourned ya fer months. I made a promise ta ya and I broke it, but I didn't do it on purpose. I know that doesn't do shit for whatever ya've gone through for the last five years, but please try ta let me back inta yer life. I've missed having a family; I've been looking fer ya fer the last five years."

He took her hollow face in his hands, feeling how fragile she was, and it brought tears to his eyes to see what a life without hope had done to her. She barely looked like the person he knew; if it hadn't been for her scent, he would have assumed she was just someone who looked like her.

She noticed the tears in his eyes and stiffened, jerking her face out of his hands.

"I don't need your pity, bub. I've been doing just fine on my own, and I could care less if my life measures up to your lofty standards or not. Besides, you have other family, you have Amiko. I know you probably made her a promise to be around more, didn't you?" The guilty look on his face was enough of an answer.

"Well, you broke your promise to me, so I advise you to head back to Japan and make sure you don't break hers. She's the only family you have left, and I would hate to know you broke her heart. Now, I have places to be today, so if you don't mind…" She turned to walk away, her hands shaking she was trying so hard to keep her anger in check. When he grabbed her arm, using force to keep her from leaving, she let him spin her around, her open palm connecting with his sternum. The force of her unexpected strike sent him stumbling back, and his first thought was that he knew she could have hit him so much harder. She stormed up to him and got right in his face, the pupils of her eyes contracting until they were feline.

"You have no right to touch me, sir. You gave that up when you broke your promise and didn't even have the guts to let me know. Even a message on the phone would have been kinder than letting me wonder for months if you still even cared for me or not. Those guys burning down my home was the last straw, and I left. There was no reason to stay, obviously no one would come looking for me, and as much as I would be good at it, 'crazy cat lady' just isn't for me. So I'm making the best of whatever I've found, and if it doesn't seem like much to you, well, it's because it isn't. But, it's still something, so don't you dare judge me for decisions I have made. So I am telling you to go back to Japan and make sure you don't hurt Amiko like you did me. Learn from your mistakes for once in your life, Logan!"

"Di, please just listen to –" He held out his hands to her, his body language pleading, but she slapped them away fiercely.

"No, see, I don't have to listen to any more lies. You are the last person I ever would have thought I would be calling a liar, but I guess people change. I certainly have. I never would have believed anyone if they had told me that you would abandon me, betray me like that! That you would just stop caring one day, cut me out of your life like I was inconvenient to you! How the fuck do you think it made me feel to know that you didn't give a rat's ass about me anymore? To sit by the phone, praying that that day would be the day you'd remember I still existed? To realize I had become a pathetic excuse for a person, that I had let you make me some crying, needy bag of estrogen that couldn't admit she got dumped! Dumped when I needed a friend the most, any friend, much less someone who was supposed to be my only true family! Do you have any idea how hard it was to deal with killing all those people on my own? I know I did it for the right reasons, but I still killed people, and I was out in the middle of nowhere, by myself, and I had no one to talk shit through with! Not one person! So yea, I might be very different from who you remember, but I will give you credit for one thing, Logan. My survival instinct is perfect." She took a step back and crossed her arms over her chest, very much a gesture of self-preservation. Her face relaxed, became a deliberate lack of emotion, and her eyes seemed to regard him as a stranger, as someone she did not know but was regarding cautiously. She wanted nothing more than to have the last word, get that stupid thing called closure that all women seemed to need, and then get away. Get away, crawl into her bed under the covers, and cry until she was a pile of dust. She knew it was dramatic, but she had needed that coffee and the lack of caffeine was making her tend to the drama queen inside.

She turned cold eyes on him, her disgust showing plainly even though not a muscle had moved on her face.

"No one hurts me emotionally ever again. Physically, I could care less. Fred's an amateur, and he's really just letting off steam, so it's no big deal. But no one – not you, Gambit, Scott, Fred, or even Hank – will ever be able to hurt me again. You did it - I've learned my lesson; love no one. Now please go away."

She turned around and casually flipped him off with one hand as she walked away.

And once again, he broke. Or maybe snapped would be the more appropriate term. Too many years of looking for her, too many years cut off from friends, and too much anger he never thought would ever be directed at him – ever.

He didn't remember grabbing her and slamming her against the alley wall so hard her head bounced off. He only knew that words seemed to be crowding up in his mouth and he had to get her to listen to them before he exploded.

"Now ya listen ta me, Dionysis. I have gone through hell fer five years, thinkin' ya were dead, but I couldn't stop lookin' fer ya. Scott thinks ya're dead, Gambit won't talk ta anyone, and he just about killed Rogue when he was told ya were dead. Hank won't talk ta me, an' he has every right ta blame me fer ya bein' gone, but he never stopped believin' ya were alive. So yes, I un'erstand that I ruined everyone's lives, but I didn't do it intentionally. Ya know I love ya, I love ya so much I've been searchin' fer ya ever' day for the last three years. I have no right to expect ya ta ferget the fact that I abandoned ya when ya needed me, but don't ever think I did it on purpose! I cut everyone outta my life because they were nuthin' but things ta distract me from findin' ya. So yes, I have made th' mother of all mistakes, but I haven't stopped payin' fer it fer a second. The only thing that has mattered since ya disappeared was ta find ya an' make it up to ya somehow, do whatever it took ta get ya back, an' no matter how pissed off ya're at me, that won't ever change. I ain't leavin' ya again, not ever." He shook her a couple of times, his fingers gripping her arms until she knew there would be bruises, but he didn't seem to notice his grip or her head bouncing off the wall as he shook her.

"Ya hear me, darlin'?"

She had to blink a few times to get the black and white spots to go away, and it was the unfocused look in her eyes more than anything that made him realize what he was doing. He yanked her towards his chest, hard enough to push the air out of her, his arms around her keeping her from breathing in more than a few inches. He apologized frantically for hurting her, one of his hands feeling the bump on the back of her head from hitting the wall, swear words whispering past her ear when he felt how large the lump was that he had given her. He leaned her gently up against the wall, finally letting her go so she could breathe. She gasped in a deep breath of air, and he cursed loudly when he realized he'd been squeezing her so hard she couldn't breathe. He just seemed to keep hurting her. It hit him once again how frail she had become, how frail he had made her, that he had done this to her, and it was all just too much. He fell to his knees, ignoring the pain of hitting the concrete, and wrapped his arms gently around waist. He was mortified to feel his breath hitching, but the only thing he could do was bury his face in her shirt to try and keep his sobs muffled.

"Oh, darlin', I ain't lettin' ya go again. I'm sorry fer lettin' shit get in the way, and forgettin' that ya were waitin' fer me. I'm sorry I wasn't there when they burned the cabin, and I'm sorry it took me so long ta find ya. I'm sorry all of this has happened to you because of me. Please give me another chance, Dionysis. Please." Very rarely had he ever pleaded with her for anything, especially asking her for the one thing she wanted most in the world, even when she tried to deny it to herself. To see him crying, begging for a chance, falling apart as completely as when Jubes had died was more than her anger could ignore. No amount of resentment or bitterness could be justified against his regret. She was afraid to open her mouth, terrified the sobs choking her throat would turn into screams. So she buried her hands in his hair and pulled his face up to he could look at her. His eyes were clear, but tears leaked steadily out of them, tears she wiped away with her thumbs. She gave up when her tears joined his.

"Logan, I won't lie and say that all is forgiven, or that I know exactly how I fit into your family anymore, but I would be a fool to make the same mistake you have by saying no. I just want you to ask yourself honestly if you can do this. You know I'm alive, and basically ok, but it would be better for you to leave now than to have good intentions and ditch me the first time things get hard. I'm not saying you will or anything…" She sighed and looked at him pleadingly.

"I just don't want to get hurt again. At least here, I don't expect anything. I just want you to be sure about this."

"'Course I am, darlin'. Yer all the family I got left, an' I got five years ta make up ta ya. I ain't enough of an arrogant bastard to assume I won't fuck up somethin' along the way, an' I ain't makin' ya any more promises, I'm just gonna say that I don't plan on runnin' from ya anytime soon. Let's be realistic and start there, 'k darlin'? We'll jes' go by our new track record and not push the whole trust thing. I ain't pushin' my luck in that department."

"Ok, we'll take it one day at a time. Can we start the day with coffee? I could really use some right about now."

"Sure, darlin'. But maybe we should go ta 'nother coffee shop, one I didn't jus' chase ya outta?'

She snorted and flipped her hair to cover the bruises on her neck, a gesture he noticed but refrained from commenting on. She led the way out of the alley, and soon they were walking shoulder to shoulder down streets. He knew he wasn't going to get on the plane to London unless she wanted to go with him, but he considered the money lost to be well-spent because it had led him to her.

She walked into a tiny internet café and sat in the back of the room, choosing a corner booth with a view of the entire café. He sat next to her, also preferring to have everyone in sight, and as she knew that, she didn't ask him to sit across from her, although she would have preferred it. A waitress soon came to take their order, and then silence reigned. Eager to not let her feel awkward, he started the conversation.

"Well, I was on my way ta London, but that's not gonna happen, so do ya know whatcha wanna do? Do ya wanna stay in New York or is there somewhere else ya wanna go? It's not like we both don't have th' money ta move around if ya want ta."

She propped her chin on her hands and stared ahead, not wanting to look into his eyes when they were so close.

"Never thought about it. I haven't thought about what I wanted outta life in a long time. I'll need to quit my jobs, because there's no way I'm staying in this neighborhood. It's gonna get ugly when I tell Keith I'm leaving, so I really don't care where we go. As long as it's not back to the mansion, one place is as good as the next. Always wanted to see Seattle, though. Maybe we could just go on a road trip, and if we find someplace we like we can just stay?"

"Is Keith the guy that did that ta ya?"

He had jumped at the chance to bring him up, and while she didn't feel that she owed him any explanation for her life over the last few years, he would automatically assume the worst if she told him nothing.

"Yeah. I found Keith when I was looking to share an apartment. He likes to beat up on women, so I've stuck around to make sure no one made the mistake of thinking he was husband material. He's never gonna change, but I've done my time, and I never intended on living with him the rest of my life just to spare a few women. He might put up a fuss, try to knock me around a little bit, but I can handle him, Logan. I don't need you to go all shining knight on me."

"Alright, darlin', whatever ya say. He gets outta control, I will take care o' him."

She waited until the waitress had given them their coffees and left before answering him.

"No, you won't. I might not be as strong as I used to be, but you don't have to be strong to hurt someone. I'll take care of it. I never needed you to baby me, Logan. I can handle it, and I need to handle it. Trust me, I've been looking forward to the day when I leave a souvenir as I walk out the door."

"Alright, I know better than ta fight ya on somethin' like that. How much stuff are ya taking with? Do we need a truck or a UHaul? All I have is my hog down the street."

"I still have my bike, and I can probably get everything I have to take with to fit. I haven't really gotten a lot of stuff over the years, believe it or not."

She took a quick breath, summoning courage for her question.

"You been to their graves lately?"

He looked at her warily, not sure why she wanted to know, where she was coming from.

"Every year. Went ta yours every year too, just ta talk ta ya. Why?"

"Just wondered. I went every year, on the day the baby was supposed to be born. I gotta say, their security isn't what it used to be. Do you ever regret what we did?"

"I only regret that I left ya behind. Or stayed behind, whichever."

"What's done is done. The whole point of this is to move on, right? Besides, you of all people know how easily I can deal and move on when I need to, so let's chalk it up to the 'sleeping with a random person who looks like the back end of a truck in the morning' kind of mistake. Not that I think you look like the back end of a truck, or I would ever sleep with someone who looked like the back end of a truck, I'm just saying it was that kind of mistake for both of us. So, moving on, I'm done with my coffee, and the sooner I get to the flat, the sooner we can get out of this city. Believe it or not, I hate it here."

He slid out of the seat, ignoring the looks people were giving her, looks she got everywhere.

"I figured it made sense ya'd be here; very little in this city shocks people."

"Well, actually, I moved here to hide, but I realized that too, so it just made sense to stay where I'd get the least hassle. No small towns in my future, apparently, which sucks, because I always wanted to settle in one."

"How far ta yer place?"

"Couple blocks. So you don't talk to anyone in the mansion anymore?"

"Nah. Hank blames me fer yer disappearing; he believes yer still alive, but didn't want ta talk ta them. It was just easier ta leave, 'n I was lookin' fer ya anyways, so I jus' never went back."

"I miss him. He was the one I gave the most slack to for never calling, but I couldn't just talk to Hank and expect no one else to find out about it. And then I was just so pissed that I'd been dropped that it didn't matter who had an excuse and who didn't. Gambit stood me up, Scott would've towed Xavier's line, Hank had better things to do with his time, and you abandoned me. It was pretty obvious I had to get on with my life, because you guys already had. That was what I thought at the time," she said to silence his objections.

"Not arguing that darlin', jes' sayin' Gambit near killed Rogue the day we found the cabin and all yer blood and hasn't talked ta her since, Scott acted like his baby sister died, and Hank knew I was blaming myself fer everything, so he blamed me fer everything. Maybe one day ya could let them know yer alive? At least fer Hank's sake? Ya know he'll never change his mind about you being alive and not dead. At least Hank, even if'n ya never talk ta anybody else?"

"I'll think about it. I'm not ready to get into that yet, I'm still getting used to the idea of being around you, not to mention the fact that I apparently have money. It will be such a relief to not have to work three jobs to keep me in noodles. Just the thought of noodles in a cup makes me nauseous. Here we are."

She led him into a building that looked fit to be condemned, and he was not surprised when she walked past the elevator and headed for the stairs. Seven floors later, she opened a door, and the smell of her and another man hit his nose. The place wreaked of cologne and anger.

"Keith? You home?"

A tall man walked out of a room, and Logan instantly sized him up. There was nothing striking about him, nothing menacing or charming; even his body seemed to blend in with his surroundings, but Logan's sharp eye caught an important detail. Keith was one of those rare men that seemed to possess much more strength than their bodies seemed capable of, something most people would never realize unless they were on the receiving end. Those kind of men did not have to have hulking muscles or a huge frame, spend endless hours in the gym, or devote their life to their fitness. They were born with it, and they always knew how to use it.

Di knew the second Keith realized Logan was there, the second Keith identified him as a threat, and when he decided Logan was not the average man that could be charmed or intimidated.

"I thought we agreed not to bring our dates home, Di?"

She was not in the least bit fooled by his casual tone, it merely meant he had every intention of beating the shit out of her once Logan was gone, which was fine, because she would be leaving as well. And she would not miss the asshole in the least.

"I'm leaving, Keith. I'm just here for my stuff before we take off. Please don't do anything stupid, Keith. This time I will hit back." She walked past him, relieved he hadn't tried to stop her, and quickly stuffed her army bag with the things she couldn't live without. A quick trip to the bathroom, and she was back out in the living room in under three minutes. The two men were still having a staring contest, and she allowed herself the luxury of an eye roll.

"I'm packed. Let's go."

When Keith's hand gripped her neck in a vice grip, other than a wince, she gave no other reaction.

"Remember what I said, Logan."

"Oh really, and what was that? You bring this midget biker guy to keep the peace?"

She had no intention of letting him ramble on, spilling any more information about her life the past few years than she wanted Logan to know. A quick elbow to the side of his face was enough of a distraction to wrench her neck free from his grip, and Keith grinned at her.

"Finally gonna grow some balls and fight back? Or are you just tired of making sure I don't hurt anybody else?"

"How about both, Keith? Actually, I've always had the balls, just not the motivation. But I'm leaving, and I don't have time for your shit anymore. You wanna keep turning women into ground beef? Fine. I have better things to do than babysit you anymore. Oh, and the rent's due in a week, so I hope you have something saved up, because I'll be long gone."

Keith reached for her, wanting to see how far her courage would last her, but he ended up flat on his back so fast he couldn't remember her even touching him. Di casually placed a foot on his neck and applied a little pressure, leaning over to look into his face.

"You're not the only one that gets underestimated, Keith. I've been able to kill you the whole time, and you never knew. Hell, I could kill you with a few pressure points, and you'd just be another sad example of how young people are starting to have heart attacks. So the next time you see some chick and think she's easy shit, remember me, and think twice. Because if I can kick your ass, working three jobs with no sleep and no food because you always are buying shit with my money, then realize how easy it would be to pick up the wrong woman and end up in a dumpster. You deserve it, no doubt, but I'm just doing my good deed for the day and giving you the friendly warning, you insecure, piss-ant piece of scum. Have a nice life, Keith."

She saluted him before stepping away. He could dimly hear the other man mumble something, and her tinkly laughter. He tried to cough away the feeling of her shoe on his throat, but it wouldn't seem to go away. Only when the door closed did he get up off the ground and check to make sure they were gone. He wanted to say and think he would get his revenge, but that was not the Di he had been living with the past few years, and decided it would be better for his ego to just forget her. He was a predator, to be completely honest, and he knew another predator when he saw one. Or two. And while the man he thought he had a fair chance at taking one way or another, there had been something about how calmly she had decided to leave him that unnerved him. As though she had been putting on an act the entire time, and he considered himself an expert at women and lying women. Either way, he knew she was no longer something he could be confident he could control, and that was the whole point. As much as it smarted and went against his inclinations, he knew it was in his own self-interest to leave it at that. There were other women, prettier women he could find to make his life easier. Bitch.


End file.
